'Tis the season to be jolly!

JOLLY LOLLY
The Christmas traders are out in force as usual and taking lots of dosh! Why wouldn't they, though? With all that pester power and peer pressure about! We went shopping in Manchester Arndale Centre at the weekend and it was packed. The streets outside were just as busy and the continental markets were doing a roaring trade. The thing I don't like about this time of year is the cold weather - I suppose that's why there are so many seasonal festivities - people perhaps thought them up in times of old to take their minds off the weather.
BELLS + HOLLY
We haven't started to put up any crimbo stuff yet, we've not bought a tree this year 'cos last Christmas we purchased one with living roots and planted it in the front garden and guess what? Surprise, surprise! It's still alive and its grown a few inches and filled out a bit too. So, in a couple of days I'm going to take my spade and dig it up!
COLD TURKEY
One of the girls who works for Nic is a Vegan and it's often difficult for her to go out to eat as there always seems to be some dairy product or some little meat or fish thing that people offer her. So, I was quite pleased to find out that Uncle Joe's Mint Balls (made in Wigan) are suitable not only for vegetarians but also for Vegans.
Anyway, she asked what we were going to have for Christmas dinner.
And I replied Cold Turkey!
Does it make any difference if it's hot or cold she asked.
Well yes, I answered, It all depends on what you believe.
PESCATARIAN
Of course, I'm virtually a vegan myself - I tell a lie, I'm nearly a vegetarian! It's true, I eat my five lumps of fruit and veg every day and swig four pints of water. I am partial to a nice piece of fish though and the odd bit of chicken or cold turkey, organic, of course! And that's what I mean when I say it depends on what you believe. You see, if I really was a vegetarian, I wouldn't eat fish or meat - I wouldn't eat anything with a face! I wouldn't want to be a pescatarian or an organicarian - I would go the whole hog (pun intended) and grow my own f+g!
SLOGAN!
Of course, I would need a slogan to make me feel special, something like One mans rust is another mans riches. Perhaps, although I think that is probably just a paraphrase of another earlier saying. However, after the manner of that, I could say: One mans meat is another mass murder! It makes you think, doesn't it? Errm, and it is about time to write down my New Years Resolutions! Excuse me a mo, I'm on the dog 'n bone, "Is that the Butcher's???
EDIBLE UNDIES
Edible underwear has been around for quite a while now, not as long as edible hats but that's a different story.
Edible undies? What a horrible thought! But what a great idea!
Edible Jo Grundy's?
No! I'm talking recycling here.
Hold on a bit, eating your undies, skid marks and all, is recycling! Isn't it?
Okay, I suppose so, but when I say recycling I mean RECYCLING! with a capital E!
Capital E? Don't you mean...
Let me explain! I believe that ALL RETAIL PACKAGING should be EDIBLE!
Is that possible?
Of course it is! They make edible undies, don't they?
FINALLY
DON'T YOU KNOW!
You can read my really bad pub-poetry blog SweetTalkingGuy.. clink-the-link-HERE.
Have a wonderful Christmas and New Year!