Madness...

Previously published in Poetry Now Anthology

Cowardy Custard's Last Stand (in Salford) Poetry pamphlet

and on my poetry archive bloggage at: www.mcfcuk.blogspot.com

I first wrote this little piece over thirty years ago, and finally it looks like someone has actually taken my advice. It was on the evening news that a church in Torbay is offering cycle repairs...

SALFORD
MADNESS
COMMUNITY
CHURCH
If I was the vicar
of this church
the first thing
I'd do is take
down the sign
that says:
No right of way
to public
No cycling
I'd invite the kids
down to spray
paint the walls
I'd stick up a
notice that said:
Public right of way
Cyclists welcome
punctures repaired
But perhaps there's
a method in their
madness after all.

01091989 

24/Conclusion

 

GLOBAL/NAPOWRIMO 2024 

CONCLUSION

First of all may I take this opportunity to congratulate everybody who completed, or even attempted, the thirty poems in thirty days challenge this year.

As ever, I feel as if I have failed to achieve very much this year, apart from the fact that I was able to complete the April challenge once again.

So, thank you for reading my posts and liking them, here and there, on FaceBook. Also, a very big thank you to the four thousand plus hits I got on my STG bloggage.

Of course it's never about the numbers, but it is nice to know that there are still a few people out there who do actually make/take the time to have a look at my work.

I would like to try and finish the month by writing another piece for my 'Hello Am I Even Home' collection, I had been thinking about the mechanics (for want of a better description) of writing this piece throughout April, but it just never happened.

HELLO AM I EVEN ESCAPING

Hardly holding onto the safety rail

I made my way down the old concrete steps

I slipped a little at the bottom but

recovering quickly I continued my escapade

Only looking around to see if either of my helpers

had noticed that I was missing yet

of course I had no intention of actually escaping

I simply wanted to find out if they would miss me

Starting to shiver a little I wished that

I had put a coat on over my pyjamas

one of my slippers was already soaking wet

and it dawned on me that I hadn't taken my pills

I was already in the city centre

the hustle and bustle and the smell of coffee

that daily greeted the early morning workers

where am I hello am I even escaping

01052024

Napo 24/1

Global/Napowrimo 2024 

The April challenge of thirty poems in thirty days.

All my entries will be posted on my 

Sweet Talking Guy bloggage at sewina.blogspot.com

Here's today's post:

NEVER MIND

Pews discarded like an ancient church hall

more Pastors than an Italian menu

They sing the hymns and bang the tins

like Oscar Wilde in Reading Gaol

Sadly there's no room left for Easter

It's religious to celebrate they say

sacrilegious as church on Sunday

scoffing they disregard Christmas too

Never mind the weather the beer is cool

Where do you come from? England I tell them

They pour Red Horse litre after litre

until it comes out of my ears

01042024

World Poetry Day 2024

 

WORLD POETRY DAY 2024

METRO MOON

Did you hear the news?

If not you'll hear it soon

a Filipino space ship

has landed on the moon

The tricycles and Jeepney's

will follow very soon

from a villa in Manila

to a capsule on the moon

They're going to colonise it

cause more are coming soon

they'll plant a flag and claim it

and call it Metro Moon

21032024

Haikuish...

 

THE TREE

The brain of the tree

is in the grain of the bark

Spring green leaves fall brown

13022024

Christmas poem 2 and 3

 

TO THE KING OF KINGS

Wise men from the East Astrologers at least come to feast their eyes upon the King bringing gold frankincense and myrrh to the City of David at the centre of the earth where a virgin blessed by God has given birth to the King of Kings and Lord of Lords the Saviour for all sinners who believe for He proclaimed that whosoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life for God did not send his Son into this world to condemn the world but to save the world through him Wise men from the east Astrologers at least come to feast their eyes upon the King bringing gold frankincense and myrrh to the City of David at the centre of the Earth where a virgin blessed by God has given birth to the King of Kings and Lord of Lords the Saviour for all sinners who believe

24122023/1/150

CHRISTMAS EVE

Can you believe

it's Christmas Eve today

Mush mush and

Such and such

Slush slush

Slush slush and

Such and such

Mush mush

I don't know much about

Reindeers and snow

but I suppose that they're

out there somewhere

It's Christmas Eve today

can you believe?

24122023

Christmas poem one

 

ON THE CYCLICAL SCALE

Compliments of the season to one and all

Maid Marion, Robin Hood (and his merry men)

They tell me that Christmas is for Kings

donkeys wise men shepherds and sheep

others say that Christmas is for puddings

turkeys with or without all the trimmings

One man said it's for feeding the homeless

another said you're either ruthless or roofless

these days, and no one really cares that much

how cynical is that on the cyclical scale

We won't be giving many presents this year

there'll be one or two and they'll cost a packet

you'll know it's yours if the carrier bag rattles

if it doesn't it'll be leftovers for the microwave

Maid Marion, Robin Hood (and his merry men)

compliments of the season to one and all

19122023

250 or Bust...

DREAM NINE

The ancient bus stutters to a halt, I get out and start to run up the hill. It’s raining hard and someone’s chasing me. I hate running and I hate rain, but most of all I hate hills. I can hear a man behind me, he’s shouting and he’s catching me fast. I reach the top of the hill and jump over an old stone wall, big mistake I realise, as I reach out and grab the overhead electric railway cable to break my fall. Just then I sense a train coming towards me, without thinking I let go of the cable and land on top of the speeding locomotive. I lie flat, clinging on for dear life, I’m soaking wet now and it’s still pouring with rain. After a few minutes the train pulls into a country station and I manage to clamber down onto the platform. I make my way outside, and board a waiting bus. The driver looks familiar, but I sit down near the back and hope the heater will help me get dry. The bus starts to move, but I have no idea where we are going. It creaks and groans as it begins to wind its way up a long wooded road. We overtake a cross country runner; I know I've seen him someplace before, but when and where? The bus is making a horrible gurgling noise now, and it all comes flooding back to me as the ancient bus stutters to a halt.

051214/250

From 2018...

 

Something I wrote in 2018...

PURPLE HAZE

He beats and bangs her drums until she comes

And flaps his wings and flies around the room

His winkle-pickers tapping to the tune

He introduces her to rock 'n' roll

He strips and bares his soul and starts to sing

Some people do seem to have such strange ways

When she begins to weep his guitar plays

Some people say this world is just a maze

He tells her that there's nothing much to do

And we're all living in a purple haze

Friday like any other Friday but

It's Friday the thirteenth and that means that

Strange things happen even stranger things are

Forecast ask Hitchcock and Castro et al

Don't listen to the things that people say

And all the Different Ones born on that day

He beats and bangs her drums until she comes

Backflips and flaps his wings and flies away

130418

Recent trips to Paris and Dublin...

 Dublin collection

BOTH BANKS OF THE LIFFEY

Dublin at first glance the same as last time

and the time before that that I was there

kicking myself now that we didn't go

to see the Molly Malone sculpture this trip

but made up for it by discovering

a new Oscar Wilde figure plonked on a bench

outside Kennedys pub at Trinity College

We walked along both banks of the Liffey

crossing bridges several times in the heat

oh yes it was September but it was warm

I perhaps almost nearly forgot

to mention that the weather was extra hot

In sight of the Phoenix Park Obelisk

the Wellington Monument we turned back

Christ Church Cathedral Dublin Castle and

Saint Patrick's where Jonathan Swift is buried

The GPO on O'Connell Street and James Joyce

looking tired standing in the shadow of the Spire

Full Irish Breakfast at The Boxty House

Guinness straight from the river Liffey

Oyster Stout at the Temple Bar Porterhouse

More churches than the Vatican

more distilleries than Cognac in France

More singers dancers thinkers and drinkers

more writers than a library full of books

More trinkets than Las Vegas Bonanza

more poets musicians and song writers

More pubs than Greene King

07092023

Paris collection

THE TRAFFIC FLOWS

The Eiffel Tower mellows magnificently

lit up in red and golden yellows

Above the rooftops in every arrondissement

her searchlight sweeps the Parisian night

Clockwise and counter clockwise all day long
relentless the traffic flows on the Peripherique

likewise on Rive Gauche and Rive Droite

the cars go hell for leather hammer and tongs

The Sacre Coeur Basilica whiter than white

appears ivory when lit up at night

The Bateaux Mouches cruise up and down insane

from Pont de L'Alma on the river Seine

And Paris sleeps but doesn't sleep at all

Croissants Brioche Baguettes and Pain de 'Epi

all need to be made to feed the morning crowd

Yawning we head for the Metro - Airport bound

30082023/Paris collection

Top Dog

 TOP DOG

The dog that usually comes to stay

belongs to the owner of the cat

top that top cat, top dog too

But the new dog that came yesterday

looks like a Cavapoo or a Shih Tzu

he's actually a King Charles Spaniel

Kris will be the one to look after him

feed and water him pamper him

walk him in the forest twice a day

Chodź tu mała, Kris beckons to the dog

WoW! Does he understand Polish? I ask

Yes replies Kris and Latvian too

14042023

TINTERNET LOST AND FOUND

The dog that looked like a Cavapoo

that came to stay at our house

escaped through the back door yesterday

We ran out after him calling his name

down the garden we went into the forest

and all the way to the creek

But he was nowhere to be seen

we asked everyone we saw down there

and all the dog walkers to look out for him

everybody said that they would

Eventually we went home empty handed

disappointed that we had lost somebodies

pedigree chum in the deep dark forest

Maybe someone had taken him to sell

dog snatched him like they kitnapped our cat

or simply took him home to join their family

Whatever had happened we would have

to face the consequences now emotionally

and financially how much does the top dog

that we lost even cost I asked myself

Just then the neighbour called from over the fence

He's okay we've found him he's across the road

we put him on the local lost and found page

on tinternet and he was playing in a garden there

Thank you I said as I saw my wife carrying him

up the garden path He went out the front not the back

she said stroking and tickling the priceless pup

turning to me she said Don't let him out again

if we loose him we'll be in trouble big time

03052023

15/Intro

Naprowrimo 2023

Introduction

This is my fifteenth year of taking the napowrimo/globalwrimo challenge of writing thirty poems in thirty days and publishing them on my Straight talking street talking sweet... bloggage.

So what will I write this year? Well right now, I have no clue, and very little idea of how I want to proceed. This of course could be a good thing, for some people, but having a little scaffolding to hold the structure up may well be a better plan.

I'm thinking that, perhaps I could add some pieces to my Plymouth collection which I actually started during napowrimo 2018, or maybe not. Anyway, they're for me to write and for you to read, although, I actually stopped soliciting comments on my blog several years ago.

LOVE PLYMOUTH

Pity the buses don't come on time

such a shame to have to wait and wait

and then to walk in the wind and rain

but I bet that you won't complain

Love Plymouth hate the hills

mad as Marsh Mills if that's a thing

maybe it is perhaps it ain't but

it has a good ring to it don't you think

31032023

Christmas 1960

 

JOYFUL ECSTASY

Above the Barber's shop in Timperley

From the cold attic window in my bedge

I saw the real Santa on his sledge

high up above the rooftops and the hedge

nineteen sixty Christmas Eve I believe

the only day it snowed in the village

I fell in disbelief from my bunk bed

onto the wooden floor and hit my head

I went downstairs to check the Christmas tree

to see if Santa left something for me

One thing I didn't get was the train set

but joyful ecstasy the pedal car

that I longed for to race around the yard

Santa Claus must have read the note I wrote

From the cold attic window in my bedge

Above the Barber's shop in Timperley

06012023

Christmas 2022

 

CHRISTMAS DAY

Born in Bethlehem

It's Christmas day

let's celebrate His birth

He is the bread of life

and he that comes to him

shall never hunger never thirst

Oh Lord please I plead

Keep me as the apple of your eye

make me the man that's after your own heart

Oh Lord please I plead

Keep me as the apple of your eye

make me the man that's after your own heart

Hide me Lord

I don't want to be seen

by those who seek to devour me

Hide me

under the shadow

under the shadow of your wings

Hide me

from my deadly enemies

that seek to hunt me down

Hide me

under the shadow

under the shadow of your wings

Oh Lord please I plead

Keep me as the apple of your eye

make me the man after your own heart

Oh Lord please I plead

Keep me as the apple of your eye

make me the man after your own heart

Hide me

under the shadow

under the shadow of thy wings

He saves them that put their trust in Him

He who created all things

in heaven and on earth

Hide me

under the shadow

under the shadow of thy wings

He is the bread of life

and he that comes to him

shall never hunger never thirst

Born in Bethlehem

It's Christmas day

let's celebrate His birth

25122022

Bottles...

 

Andy's 150 word daily nonsense challenge

(What will you write?)

Here's mine:

MENTAL NOTES

Big plans mental notes for all those unfulfilled plans we all have them deep down there somewhere at the back of our minds where we want to do so many things in such a short space of time we really intend to do these things but rarely do do we I've got big plans to build a glass bottle wall and have already collected six one ton builders sand delivery sacks full of the fluming things it nearly killed me drinking all that beer cider red wine and bottles of spirits not to mention the Champagne Cava and Prosecco that I'm not all that partial to but I do like the shape of their bottles and can see them sitting sweet in my wall the other thing I'm planning apart from laying the concrete foundations is building a cutting apparatus to make and shape bottle bricks mental notes big plans

01122022/150

When the sun shines...

Andy's 150 word daily nonsense challenge

(What will you write?)

Here's mine:

HIS SOLAR ENERGY

Closing my eyes I try to think of ways to heat the house for free there's a powerful sun up there maybe he will lend me some of his solar energy so here goes I cut into the water supply pipe to the kitchen sink and plumb it to an old central heating radiator which I fix to the outside wall of the house I then plumb another piece of pipe back from the radiator to the tap the idea being that the sun heats up the water in the radiator so I can do the washing up for free at the kitchen sink it works when the sun shines directly however I need to think of something smarter I join some copper pipes together attach them to a piece of plywood I plumb the contraption the same way as the radiator it works better but still not hot enough

03092022/150 

New Stuff V

 Andy's 150 word daily nonsense challenge

(What will you write?)

Here's mine:

GOOSEY GANDER

Priti Patel and Rishi Sunak

they've dealt their way

to the top of the pack

Jokers Jacks Kings and Queens

and now they want to send

everybody else back

If Jesus walked across the sea of Calais he

would be treated like a refugee

bound hand and foot and put

on an air plane to Rwanda

slave trade in the twenty first century

no human rights or lawyers to fight the might

of the minds that rob you blind and tax you out of sight

it's like you've won the lottery in reverse

with the curse of a free flight to Rwanda

and there's nowhere to hide

for the great and the good that washed up with the tide

they'll round them up and call them Goosey Gander

Priti and Rishi must think that

they've got all the aces up their sleeve

in a sick card game of make believe

16062022/150

14th/28

 

Napowrimo 2022 DAY #28

& Andy's 150 Word Daily Nonsense Challenge

THE WAR ON NEED

Cue camera action stop get back start again there's more celluloid on the cutting room floor than loaded up to this film we're going to go digital if we waste any more and the profits will be cut by half or even more but none of these things will matter much if we can't overcome the war on need the war on greed the war that's banging down our door if we can't afford the fuel to run the vehicles we have and the cooking and heating appliances in our homes what will we do how will we cook the food that we can ill afford how will we heat just one room in our abode how will we find work when millions are on the dole when we don't have the right skills to fulfil the needs of the major employers and what happens when those same companies fold

28042022/150

14th/8

Napowrimo 2022 DAY #8

& Andy's 150 Word Daily Nonsense Challenge

LIFE GOES ON

Like fireflies they dart about

the motorbikes and tricycles

lighting up the dark

the Jeepney's of course are not running yet

after the Chinese infusion Asian flu it's not

world wide pandemic phew get a vaccine or two and a booster

when they tell you to don't step out of line and you'll be fine

but whose counting any more wear a mask to shop at the store

one each for your cats and dogs too on public transport

but kids under twelve can still go skat free

helter skelter we all fall down

sideways sometimes

but life goes on regardless

although it's good to reminisce

to say you were there on this occasion or that

it doesn't really matter if you missed it

you weren't the only one

so long as someone was there

to share and witness that great match

made in heaven where two became one flesh

08042022/150 

14th/7

 

Napowrimo 2022 DAY #7

& Andy's 150 Word Daily Nonsense Challenge

Here's mine:

INTELLIGENCE

She thought a tonne of concrete

was heavier than a tonne of feathers

how she worked that one out I don't know

but work it out she did and forwarded it

to the board of submissions for a grant to study

for an MA in the field of intelligence and security

at one of the Ivy League Universities

of course there wasn't really such a course available

if there had been she almost definitely

wouldn't have been accepted and as for the grant

that too was a virtual non starter however as a point

of fairness and with the backing of the anti discrimination laws

in that country she was granted an interview regardless

On arrival at the college the chancellor sent one of his quislings

out to the parking lot to make a thorough investigation of the

candidates vehicle her car was a total mess

which disqualified her immediately

07042022/150

14TH/5

 

Napowrimo 2022 DAY #5 & Andy's 150 Word Daily Nonsense Challenge

Here's mine:

BARTER

We don't pay cash

dollars or roubles

for anything these days

everything is trade only and that means

barter to those that are in the know

you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours

if you know the lingo or even if you don't

the bottom line is I do this for you

you do that for me or we can step it up a bit and

introduce something like the Local Exchange Trading System

or the tool and car sharing programmes better still

we could start a community food exchange cooperative

and get all our supermarket needs and wants at no charge

what about dentistry and doctoring and free haircuts for all

you shave my bonce and I'll cut your thatch

pick and mix at the buckshee gobstopper stall

rooms without rent bed and breakfast at no expense

or beer and wine by the bucketful for the chosen few

05042022/150

Gluten free...

 

Andy's 150 word daily nonsense challenge

Here's mine:

STICKING

(YOU UP)

It's not the rain

or the rice

it's the sticky rain

if anything that kills it

the rain that comes down

bounces off the ground

jumps back up and sticks

like wallpaper paste to your clothes

gluten free it's not

unless it's rice that's falling out of the trees

and sticking you up like a highway robber

which makes me wonder if Robin Hood

and his merry men were merry as in as high as a kite

or if they were simply a bunch of happy chappies

especially when they were filching all those sacks of gold

that you carried stashed in the false bottom of your farmyard cart

anyway that was back in those days and these days it's something 

different we call it currency or paper money

that is of course if you haven't gone cashless

paying for everything by chip and pin

or with a contactless card

04042022/1/150

Get rich quick...

 

Andy's 150 word daily nonsense challenge

Here's mine:

PAR FOR THE COURSE

Talking nonsense gibberish and such and such who knows which way is up don't hang around they haven't finished with you yet the gets they want to make you buy their get rich quick scam they tell you you can sell it on to make some dough and they already know that three percent of readers will enquire and one of them will buy the dodgy lie but don't invest you'll get a better return in a no interest savings account instead start a new plan think up a new way dream a different dream to what the punters say I wanna buy a mini bus to take the family out in the second highest priced market for used cars they drive on the left side of the truck of course but I guess that that is par for the course talking nonsense gibberish and such and such who knows

01042022/1/150

14th Intro

 

INTRODUCTION

GLOBAL/NAPOWRIMO 2022

MY FOURTEENTH YEAR

Hi Everybody, it's that time again already where you can take the challenge of writing thirty poems (one each day) during the thirty days of April. As always, I would like to take this opportunity to wish each and every participant a very happy and creative Napowrimo. I won't be following Napowrimo prompts this year or fishing for comments, I will simply be posting a poem a day on my StraightTalkingStreetTalkingSweet bloggage at sewina(dot)blogspot(dot)com

Happy Napowrimo,

Andy

MY INTRODUCTION POEM

Here's mine:

WELCOME TO PARADISE

With the power of love and a sound mind

the children can play outside without fear

Here we go again sideways sometimes

sitting on Brown Sugar Beach

Watching the tide come in

waiting for the two suns to rise

(you have to be up early to see that happen)

up before daylight out before dawn

it's all won or lost by six in the morn

The strawberry scented ocean lapping the shore

never smelt so good as this before

Welcome to Paradise but some people

don't think that way the grass is always greener

on the other side of the pond they tell me

however I know that I know they don't know

For me this Island is the one and only Tiny Tree

the place where I've always been

the place where I will always be

My here and now on Earth taken with a pinch of salt

a hardwood honey dipper dripping honey

onto an overflowing glass of apple wine

stirred and shaken mixed with imagination

Blended into the unreality of time an eternal past

a present and a future shouting bawling screaming

the here and now from the rooftops

So your children and mine can play without fear

with the power of love and a sound mind

30032022/Nairobics

Just dreaming...

 

Andy's 150 word daily nonsense challenge

Here's mine:

OUR AEROPLANE

Even the toy dogs are laughing at me now

barking mad like the rag dolls in her cupboard

that haven't seen the light of day for decades

snapping at my heels they make me feel sick inside

with worry fear and anxiety it's the not knowing

what they're going to do next that sickens me

will they pounce and if so when

Everything's up in the air except our aeroplane

they already kickstarted the propellers and revved up the engines

but we're stuck on the runway waiting to be cleared for take off

and for the right paperwork to be completed in this age of the computer

The balloon's gone up and a couple of helicopters

there's a drone or two and all those cruise missiles are flying good style

if not exactly the way nature intended certainly the way their designers

had hoped but our aeroplane is still grounded

24032022/150

Driving in Europe...

 

Andy's 150 word daily nonsense challenge

Here's mine:

MAD MAD THINGS

To continue the Italian theme from last week as promised I will start with a moan about driving in Europe I must explain that in England many of us view Europe as some foreign place where everything is different As far as driving goes it definitely is You see we in England drive on the right hand side of the car and on the left hand side of the road Whereas over there in Europe they mainly drive on the left hand side of the car and the right hand side of the road Funnily enough it has never really bothered me that they the Europeans drive on the wrong side of the road It's just one of those mad mad things that they do and we don't do What does really really really bother me though is the fact that they drive on the wrong side of the CAR

16102007/20032022/150

Manchester towers...

 Andy's 150 word daily nonsense challenge

Here's mine:

HERE'S THE KEY

So what does new mean to the people of Manchester is new something that happened today or yesterday how far do we have to go back to find something that we can describe as new the Manchester One Tower is sixty years old that's old in most peoples books but Fraser House across the street is a hundred years older than that so what's new everybody says they love the old Victorian buildings but they hate the new towers that blight the city if only they knew that many of the new towers are not all that new look at the CIS Tower in fact many are older than the people who claim to dislike anything new and here's the key you see if a building for example was built before you were born it is old in the minds of some but if built in their lifetime it's new

19032022/150

Jaw jaw...

 

Andy's 150 word daily nonsense challenge

Here's mine:

A NEW FANGLED WORLD

We're all worse off than we were before

There ain't no winners in a Mickey Mouse war

It's snowing in Beijing while bombs fall like rain upon Ukraine

Be a good guy to Chou en Lai recall the chant

an' don't forget what Nixon said that Putin's a good guy too

The Siberian holiday camps are Khuilo's not Pontin's

His bullets and bombs masked by Luzhniki Stadium songs

If you're not for us he rants you're against the special operation

Even the Chinese have said it's a difficult situation

With many strands to be untangled yet

There's a new fangled world emerging out of this war

Jaw jaw what a bore if only lives weren't being lost

The Kremlin are playing chess and strategic games

and they don't give a toss they don't know the rules of cricket

They'll only know it's a sticky wicket when they're all caught out

18032022/150

Like Blenkinsopp...

 Andy's 150 word daily nonsense challenge

Here's mine:

RUBBER BULLETS

More experts than a betting shop full of punters what time's the next bus from Basrah don't mention the war the mercenaries are already on board rubber bullets are in short supply the cooling towers are overheating what are you going to do when the four minute warning goes up run for your life or stay and fight rubber bullets are in short supply how many tanks does it take to flatten a city how many conscripts to lose their lives for a corrupt cause why die for pie in the sky ideology rubber bullets are in short supply as the ice and snow starts to defrost Russian half track vehicles sink in the mush their freezing cold tanks vulnerable to attack from the Ukraine vigilantes rubber bullets are in short supply collaborators conspiracy theorists fake news false eyelashes blinking like Blenkinsopp social media rubber bullets are in short supply

Andy Sewina (c) 13.03.22

Under the sea...

 

Andy's 150 word daily nonsense challenge

Here's mine:

MONSTER OF THE DEEP

North America and south of the equator deep down in the oceans far below anything that man can safely see there lives a monster and he's been called the monster of the deep although no living man woman or child has ever seen him let alone asked him what his name might or might not be so how do these stories come about did sailors of old see the monster of the deep or did the monster of the deep reveal himself to them on some occasion or maybe many times who knows nobody really remembers most people sitting at home in front of a warm log fire couldn't give a fig one way or the other however there are one or two people in the world who care and seek the truth about this matter the whole truth and nothing but the truth about the monster of the deep

11032022/1/150

Slightly Football...

 Andy's 150 word daily nonsense challenge

Here's mine:

THE NEW MANAGER

As contradictory as a football coach often is when his goalie says I thought the coach was National Express and the number nine thought that Salford Van Hire was a Dutch footballer the actual coach who was in fact the new manager of the team fined them both a weeks wages for their stupidity which didn't stop them from being stupid at all but just meant that they paid less tax that month than the usual amount that they supported the government with as for their income it didn't decrease and they were still able to spend ridiculous amounts of cash on body ink and super fast automobiles at the end of the day they were no worse off than when they started their attempt at stupid banter with the international manager who had recently arrived in the country to accelerate their team to the top of the national league

10032022/2/150

Here's one from yesterday...

 

Andy's 150 word daily nonsense challenge

Here's mine:

CRACKPOT

She slips and she slides and she glides flip flopping but will she reach the other side crackpot as a concrete ballerina skating on thin ice slipping and sliding flip flopping her way across the frozen waterway only she doesn't know about the cracks made by the kids throwing bricks that will soon be the death of her if she falls through the ice which she will if she doesn't get off that frozen canal quick or reach the opposite bank in a hurry no worry she thinks I'm wearing my padded jacket and my waterproof makeup what could possibly go wrong she starts to sing if I had a bargepole I'd leap across the cut if I had a narrowboat I'd sail it out to sea but I ain't got a bargepole or a narrowboat not me she slips and she slides non stop never reaching the other side

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Edited version of a 2010 post...

 

Here's an edited version of one I wrote in 2010

150 word daily nonsense challenge

Here's mine:

SHE KNOWS

She knows that I know that she knows everything about me that I know that I don’t know how I do the things that I do she’s got photographs to prove it and witnesses who’ll swear to it she won’t be happy till she’s got me right where she wants me not that she wants me any more than she wanted that other poor sod who ended up in the same place that she thinks she’s got me going she keeps on calling me she must think that I’m her puppet and that only she can pull my strings but this other girl’s tugging at my heart and begging me to enter her world and she knows that too because she put the thoughts into my head she put the words into my mouth she types the letters that I write she knows that I know that she’s manipulating me

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When I remember...

 

150 word daily nonsense challenge

Here's mine:

EIGHT MINUTES

Eight minutes is a long time to some no time at all to others not everybody can be right can they – eight minutes is three minutes longer than five minutes and two minutes shorter than the the ten minute norm - I wonder only as out loud - photographic memories lost in the library of discontent – although eight minutes is the time it takes to walk half a mile or so and to achieve about two miles give or take a few inches on a bicycle - you can drive a car eight miles at sixty miles per hour or read about two thousand words depending on the content and if your finger hurts – this is not of course a definitive guide to what you can do in eight minutes so don't complain if these things take you longer or less – what can you do in eight minutes - answers on a postcard please

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Sounds like something else...

 

150 word daily nonsense challenge

Here's mine:

SANDCASTLE BEACH

I left a text on your thing that goes ring I'm still waiting for you to reply don't keep me waiting please ding me thingy I really want you to try / cookies ice cream my kind of dreams any thing that you say / I'm sandwich deep on sandcastle beach longing for you to stop by / 'cos if you don't come the picnic's no fun / so give me a ring a ding a ling from your old dog and bone / don't leave me alone I need you with me tonight / don't stay away I want us to be together / walking around and dancing up town or sitting on sandcastle beach / whatever happens I'll always be true you know I'm in love with you / I left another message on your answerphone / for now I'm begging you to come home / don't let me down pretty please I think that I'm starting to cry

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