Madder + madder...

MYSTERY SHOPPER #1
Jack wanted a new basketball vest this week and I remember the palaver last time he bought one about three years or so ago. Well, the bottom line is that nothing much has changed. You go in the sports shop and you ask the assistant where the basketball shirts/vests are and he/she looks at you as if you're daft. In the third high street shop/chain we tried we actually found that they had one. The one they had was an extra large size and really should have been tagged FM as it was flaming massive to put it politely. Back home we checked the weired web for basketball vests, yes they existed - but at a big price. The one Jack wanted cost over £100.00 So, it was back to the high street we went. We eventually found and purchased two different vests, one at JD SPORTS and one at SOCCER SPORTS they were both reasonably priced and marked down in the sales.
MYSTERY SHOPPER#2
I was reading about some mad security guards in some daft supermarket somewhere the other day and they (the security guards) had taken to wearing stab proof jackets for some reason best known to themselves. Then the very next day at Nantwich Cheshire I stopped for a lottery ticket at the Morrisons store and there were these crazy little security men with daft prison style uniforms on. I bought my lottery ticket as fast as I could and left the store - Mr Morrison, I'm sorry I won't be shopping at your store no more, the prison guards are the final straw, just one more reason not to shop at Morrison's no more!
EAT-ON-DEMAND #1
The big story this week is the news that the fat gene has been discovered! Apparently if you have two copies of the gene you are twice as likely to be overweight as people who only have one copy! Of course if you're really slim you probably don't possess a copy of the gene anyway. The logic behind this research project is phat and it gets even phatter. How can you tell how many copies of the gene you might possess? Answer: Take a look at your parents, if one parent is overweight, then you're 40% likely to get fat yourself, as you will more than likely only have one copy of the fat gene. If however, both of your parents are overweight, then you stand an 80% chance of following them, as you will almost definately have two copies of the fat gene. Me? I just looked in my wardrobe and dug out two pairs of fat jeans, the first was 36inch waist + the second 34inch waist. I slung them in the freecycle skip, I never want to be THAT FAT again! In fact, if I go above 32inch waist, I'll just eat less + do more exercise. Fat gene or not!
EAT-ON-DEMAND #2
How's the non-diet doing? Fine thanks, it's not doing anymore though, it's done! I'm now on the real diet, where I have to watch what I eat and when I eat. The problem I have found this last week is that temptation is everywhere! Cakes and biscuits, smelly cheeses, high-calorie sauces, junk food, processed foods, ready meals, pizza, pasta + potatoes. The list goes on into infinity. The trick is, eat less! Exercise more! Many fat people myself included, don't realise that exercise gives you the same buzz as comfort eating but has the opposite effect. One great diet guru said: It's not the fat that makes you fat - it's eating it! Anyhow, temptation aside, I'm enjoying eating salads and fruit and vegetables, brown bread and hi-fibre cereals. Tomorrow I'm going to make lentils - you can cook them in a pressure cooker in just 12 minutes. The other tip, I'll share with you today is humus, you can make it yourself with very little olive oil + leave out the tahini for a low calorie version. The raw garlic is good for you too!
SweetTalkingGuy...
Stay away from him! At your peril! SweetTalkingGuy is the name of my all new pub-poetry blog and you can clink the link HERE. The thing is, it's not really any different to my old very bad poetry blog STSTS and the two of them are up and running now alongside each other for the time being. So, why the new blog? Well, the stupid thing about STSTS is its URL, It's going to be taken off me sooner or later for legal reasons that I can't reveal on these pages. So, SweetTalkingGuy is really just a way of moving all my archive poetry before the balloon goes up! D'yer get it?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY 25/8
ALLAN PINKERTON
Don't forget if your birthday is on 25/8 you are one of a select few - in fact I'd go as far as to say you are one of the greats - and that's without even meeting you! Seriously now though, if your birthday does fall on the twenty fifth day of August please write in and let me know. And if you want, I'll give you a BIG write-up on this blog. By the way my e-mail address is in my full profile and you can clink the link to it in the right hand sidebar. Anyway, this tuesday we're going for a very different kind of person to the usual rock/pop/country/actor/writer types. Yes on 25/8 this week, I present Allan Pinkerton! You know, Allan Pinkerton of the Pinkerton agency! Everybody's heard of him! Haven't they? So, Allan Pinkerton 1819 clink the link.