May Day...

MADNESS
Welcome to the Proper Madness blog! If you thought last weeks rage was a little bit mad, then you'll know I've really lost my marbles when you read this weeks thing!
MAY DAY
Ok, you're not going to believe this. I looked in the mirror this week and cried! Not literally, you understand, but I cried out 'MAY DAY!' You see, my friend Sheila in London, sent me a picture in the post. The picture was of me, seventeen months ago and twenty-eight bags of sugar lighter. Now, I don't know where you're reading this, but in Manchester a regular bag of sugar is 1kg or 2.2lbs in old money. Which makes me a whopping four and a half stones overweight!
MAY DAY, MAY DAY.
So, after a week of deliberation I finally took the plunge and started a reducing programme. Notice I don't say the dreaded word DIET! In fact the word diet holds no fears for me, it's just that I'm not going on one - not yet, anyway! My May Day plan is to LOSE THE WEIGHT FIRST - THEN START THE DIET! How mad is that?
DOCTOR DREAMA
I went to my doctor's to ask permission to go on this crazy weight loss plan. And guess what Doctor Dreama said? She said 'No Way!' that's what she said. So, I can't reccomend this eating plan to anyone. Because acording to my doctor it dosen't work! And do you know something, she's quite right. Only I'm determined to make it work, so even though it doesn't work for anybody else (and don't try it at home, 'cos it won't work for you, Doctor Dreama said) it will work for me.
DAY THREE
Well, I'm on day three and let me tell you it is a breeze, by this evening I will be at least half a stone lighter than I was on Sunday. How is that possible? Well, I didn't invent the technique, no it wasn't me, honest! I just read about it in a book, thirty years ago! If you stick with me I'll tell you the name of the book and the name of the author, oh yes, he was a doctor too. In his book, which had been in print for about ten years when I stumbled across a well thumbed copy of it. He claims that Actors and Clothes Models, Sportsmen and Air Plane Pilots all use this method to lose weight fast. The book is/was called The Doctor's Quick Weight Loss Method.