TOLLTAX
The debate goes on and the silly are becoming stupid - the blind are leading the blind and congestion madness is just that - MAD! I could say 'I told you so!' but what's the point? Anyhow, I guess I've just said it anyway! And the point is that it was inevitable that not just Manchester would want to charge the motorist for daring to enter it's boundaries but that every other local authority and national institution (motorways/main roads) would follow suit! And lo and behold, it has been revealed today that I was right. Check the road charging story in the Manchester Evening News tonight.
CON JEST ION CON CARRY ON CON CAR NEE ARGEE BARGEE
I've had a look at the so called congestion on the roads of Manchester and my verdict is that the only congestion is a self made congestion. Some of it by ignorance, some of it on purpose. The bus lane fiasco, the blocked off streets, the no left turns, the no right turns, the dodgy one way streets, the over zealous parking restrictions, the roads to nowhere, the Mersey river crossings, the dismantled railway lines, the disused railway tracks, the overgrown railway routes, the railway lines with no stations, the closed railway stations, the metrolink in the wrong place, the metrolink proposals not including a route down Princess road/parkway. The list goes on...
PARK + RIDE
Park and ride has not been tested properly in Manchester, the only schemes I know about run at christmas and close early - just like the buses! Not only that but they run from stupid places like Heaton Park and The Siemens Factory. If you want to get real about tackling the congestion you need to stick the park + ride right out where the polluters come from. You need to take a little look at the map and find the little black lines that run from/to Piccadilly or Victoria or Oxford Road stations and follow them until you reach the M6/M62/M60 motorways etc., then you need to build massive car parks and a railway station at each junction and put up a BIG sign on the motorways that says Manchester Park+Ride. End of problem!
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
No matter what...
TRANSPORT WHAT?
All this talk about congestion charges/charging who pays what to whom and where and when? The political football that this issue has become needs kicking into touch. I've said it before and I'll repeat it here - Manchester is nowhere near ready for congestion charging. Let's get it right! Congestion charging isn't just another tax on the poor little hard pressed driver. 1) It is a detterent - You might as well put up a sign that says: CLOSED FOR BUSINESS! 2) If Peter drives into the city to work and Paul takes the bus, isn't congestion charging just another way of robbing Peter to pay Paul? 3) The Metrolink needs a re-think, Fifty million pounds per mile to construct is way too much. In the early 1970's Manchester rejected the Picc-Vic Underground Railway (Piccadilly station to Victoria station) because the five million pound quote was deemed too much. 4) What happens to all the money anyway? It certainly doesn't physically cost fifty million pounds to construct a mile of tram track. In fact if you give me a million pounds I'll get a couple of the lads out of the pub and we'll do the first mile for you!
PRAWN SANDWICH SYNDROME
No matter what you say or do as an unknown individual, you'll most likely find that anything you do say or do, will be disregarded or at best treated as a hill of beans. Roy Keane, on the other hand, as a well known international footballer (and captain of Manchester Uni-ted, at the time) came up with his famous prawn sandwich quote. I mention it here and credit the new Sunderland manager with the thought behind it because it pretty much sums up what is happening in Manchester today. Take the International Festival we've been having in the city the past couple of weeks - great if you can afford tickets to the events - but don't worry if you can't - 'cos the prawn sandwich brigade can! Sounds a bit like all this nonsense about congestion charging, doesn't it? Don't worry if you can't find an extra fiver or so a day to pay the tolltax from your minimum wage job - 'Cos the prawn sandwich mob will pay that much and more gladly, to drive on a clear street!
CONGESTION CON CANNY
We took Jack and his friend and Jessica (Nic's helper) to Alton Towers at the weekend. It was saturday and everybody was prepared for rain but the tickets were booked and at that price (moaning about money again!) there was no going back. As it turned out the weather was wonderful and everybody actually got a little sunburned. Anyway, if you're driving from Manchester, it's a pain of a place to get to, it's not very far - less than an hours drive - but once you get past Leek the roads get a bit thin and guess what? Congested with coaches, cars and mini-busses! Sounds like a certain local council's view of the Manchester rush hour, only this is rural Staffordshire, although quaint, it ain't! So, you drive forty-five minutes out of the uncongested city, clear a couple of towns - Macclesfield and Leek - no traffic on the A roads - everythings fine - then, just as the sun starts to shine and you're just six miles from your BIG day out - You hit traffic, slow moving coaches, cars and mini-busses packed with excited children stuck behind a blooming red-deisel guzzeling TRACTOR! Not the farmers fault, he's just going about his business of making hay while the sun shines - you can't blame him, can you?
So, six miles up the road and another forty-five minutes later you arrive at the main gates to Alton Towers, only to be confronted by another traffic jam, and you guessed it, A congestion charge. The first thing you see is the notice that reads: car park £4.00 and the massive queue of vehicles waiting to get in it. But they're canny these experienced congestion conners, they know that parents are tearing their hair out, in the fronts of exited kid packed cars, they know that nobody likes queues, and that desperate people (and prawn sandwich types) will do (pay) almost anything to beat the system. So, what do the clever theme park operators do? (Manchester, take note!) They make a queue busting filter lane to a priority car park and charge you £10.00 how's that for a canny con?
MOVE IT TO MANCHESTER
Here's a little two-in-one idea for you. I've mentioned Pomona, part of the former Manchester docks on the ship canal before. The area is mostly in Trafford borough, some of it is in the city of Manchester, and the north bank of the canal is in the city of Salford, so politically it is a hot potato. The problem is, it is a post industrial dump and nobody seems to be interested in developing the site. I have heard rumours about some kind of waterfront style city park and also a year or so ago now, I read that three or four residential towers, in the manner of a ships sails, were to be built on Pomona Strand, but we're still waiting! Well, here's my idea - build your city park + and an amusement park with all the latest rides - it's in an ideal place, transport wise, as so many railway routes already run through the area and there are the overhead metrolink stations at Cornbrook and Pomona. Why should the good people of Greater Manchester have to travel to congested Staffordshire or up to Blackpool to ride a roller coaster? Do the green thing and move it to Manchester!!!
All this talk about congestion charges/charging who pays what to whom and where and when? The political football that this issue has become needs kicking into touch. I've said it before and I'll repeat it here - Manchester is nowhere near ready for congestion charging. Let's get it right! Congestion charging isn't just another tax on the poor little hard pressed driver. 1) It is a detterent - You might as well put up a sign that says: CLOSED FOR BUSINESS! 2) If Peter drives into the city to work and Paul takes the bus, isn't congestion charging just another way of robbing Peter to pay Paul? 3) The Metrolink needs a re-think, Fifty million pounds per mile to construct is way too much. In the early 1970's Manchester rejected the Picc-Vic Underground Railway (Piccadilly station to Victoria station) because the five million pound quote was deemed too much. 4) What happens to all the money anyway? It certainly doesn't physically cost fifty million pounds to construct a mile of tram track. In fact if you give me a million pounds I'll get a couple of the lads out of the pub and we'll do the first mile for you!
PRAWN SANDWICH SYNDROME
No matter what you say or do as an unknown individual, you'll most likely find that anything you do say or do, will be disregarded or at best treated as a hill of beans. Roy Keane, on the other hand, as a well known international footballer (and captain of Manchester Uni-ted, at the time) came up with his famous prawn sandwich quote. I mention it here and credit the new Sunderland manager with the thought behind it because it pretty much sums up what is happening in Manchester today. Take the International Festival we've been having in the city the past couple of weeks - great if you can afford tickets to the events - but don't worry if you can't - 'cos the prawn sandwich brigade can! Sounds a bit like all this nonsense about congestion charging, doesn't it? Don't worry if you can't find an extra fiver or so a day to pay the tolltax from your minimum wage job - 'Cos the prawn sandwich mob will pay that much and more gladly, to drive on a clear street!
CONGESTION CON CANNY
We took Jack and his friend and Jessica (Nic's helper) to Alton Towers at the weekend. It was saturday and everybody was prepared for rain but the tickets were booked and at that price (moaning about money again!) there was no going back. As it turned out the weather was wonderful and everybody actually got a little sunburned. Anyway, if you're driving from Manchester, it's a pain of a place to get to, it's not very far - less than an hours drive - but once you get past Leek the roads get a bit thin and guess what? Congested with coaches, cars and mini-busses! Sounds like a certain local council's view of the Manchester rush hour, only this is rural Staffordshire, although quaint, it ain't! So, you drive forty-five minutes out of the uncongested city, clear a couple of towns - Macclesfield and Leek - no traffic on the A roads - everythings fine - then, just as the sun starts to shine and you're just six miles from your BIG day out - You hit traffic, slow moving coaches, cars and mini-busses packed with excited children stuck behind a blooming red-deisel guzzeling TRACTOR! Not the farmers fault, he's just going about his business of making hay while the sun shines - you can't blame him, can you?
So, six miles up the road and another forty-five minutes later you arrive at the main gates to Alton Towers, only to be confronted by another traffic jam, and you guessed it, A congestion charge. The first thing you see is the notice that reads: car park £4.00 and the massive queue of vehicles waiting to get in it. But they're canny these experienced congestion conners, they know that parents are tearing their hair out, in the fronts of exited kid packed cars, they know that nobody likes queues, and that desperate people (and prawn sandwich types) will do (pay) almost anything to beat the system. So, what do the clever theme park operators do? (Manchester, take note!) They make a queue busting filter lane to a priority car park and charge you £10.00 how's that for a canny con?
MOVE IT TO MANCHESTER
Here's a little two-in-one idea for you. I've mentioned Pomona, part of the former Manchester docks on the ship canal before. The area is mostly in Trafford borough, some of it is in the city of Manchester, and the north bank of the canal is in the city of Salford, so politically it is a hot potato. The problem is, it is a post industrial dump and nobody seems to be interested in developing the site. I have heard rumours about some kind of waterfront style city park and also a year or so ago now, I read that three or four residential towers, in the manner of a ships sails, were to be built on Pomona Strand, but we're still waiting! Well, here's my idea - build your city park + and an amusement park with all the latest rides - it's in an ideal place, transport wise, as so many railway routes already run through the area and there are the overhead metrolink stations at Cornbrook and Pomona. Why should the good people of Greater Manchester have to travel to congested Staffordshire or up to Blackpool to ride a roller coaster? Do the green thing and move it to Manchester!!!
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Use it or lose it...
MOP MAD!
First of all a BIG thank you to Freda! Not only did she send me the Vileda Super Mocio to try but she also sent me an even better/deeper wringing/and cheaper version, 'The Asda Kitchen Mop Bucket + Wringer' in cream and blue, for the super bargain price at Asda Walmart (at Manchester Eastlands) of just £1.82
So, it's mop bucket city at our house these days. I've got the Asda Kitchen Mop Bucket in the bathroom - The Vileda Super Mocio in the utility room - The Addis divider bucket, minus wringer, but complete with Magic Mop in the kitchen - The proffesional/industrial contract/hospital style bucket with long-handle wringer and castor wheels complete with wide style/industrial mop is now in the back yard waiting to be freecycled.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JACK!
Guess what? It's Jack's birthday tomorrow and he's going to be FOURTEEN! Can you believe it? So, what's he getting for pressies? Loads of money and book tokens so far and a trip to Alton Towers and a Chinese Meal at a place in China Town. Oh yes, and he's got/getting lots of war gaming stuff (his latest obsession) just recently he's been busy glueing fantasy warriors together and painting them. It all started with his Grandad (Nic's Dad) taking him to the War Gaming Club. Okay, what else? Oh yeah, he wants to buy a weight lifting bench and weights with his b'day money. He wants the latest Harry Potter book and he's going to the movies on Sunday with Aunty Suzanne (Nic's sister). So, he's got a busy birthday week - and on the school front he's going to an art gallery in Sheffield! Phew!
MOVE IT TO MANCHESTER!!!
Well, they keep on coming don't they! Sven-Goran Eriksson being the latest big name to arrive in the city. He's going to take Man City (the football club) up to the top of the Premiership where they belong and he's going to bring in some big name players with plenty of fire-power, oh yeah, and they're going to win the FA cup! Next year they'll be playing in Europe and they'll win the European Cup! The following season they'll sign a couple of new players and they'll win the treble! Nice one Sven, trouble is - we've heard it all before!
MONO WHAT?
I was reading in the local paper a letter from a guy proposing a Monorail system for Manchester. Great idea! We can apply for it, there's nothing to stop us from dreaming that one day the powers that be will wake up and actually fund a reliable public transport alternative for this city region. City what? City region, I said, notice how you start to pick up the political speak when you start dabbling in transportation issues! (transportation? how American sounding is that?) Anyway, a monorail right down the middle of Princess Parkway/road from the Airport to Manchester Central (formerly G-Mex, originally Central Station) would be a good start. Of course it doesn't have to be a monorail, it could be a Metrolink tram, or a dedicated busway, or just a couple of bendy-buses, of course if we/they were really adventurous we/they could dig up the old street tram lines which are still buried under the central reservation and save us all a few bob!
CONGESTION CON!
Seriously though, this congestion charge nonsense is way out of control - It's a political thing and nothing you or I can say about the matter will make an ounce of difference. Nobody I know wants it, that's about all I can say, if you want to pay an extra grand a year or more to drive into this city at the peak period then write in and let me know, please! Because what the political odd bods don't/won't tell you is that sticking an extra/unfair road charge/tax on the people of Greater Manchester is only the beginning. Yes, this is to be the testing ground for the provinces and if people are daft enough to pay the charge here then they (central government/every local authority) will soon introduce the same thing to your neck of the woods. So, if for instance you work in Manchester and live in Liverpool you will quite likely need to pay not one congestion charge but two or three. You see, Liverpool will charge you because you live there, Manchester will charge you because you work there and of course Warrington will have to charge you for driving through their borough twice a day during the rush hour. By the time all this happens (in a couple of weeks?) there'll be a toll on the Motorway as well, so driving out of Manchester you'll have to pay the M602 toll then the M62 toll and if you use the M56 and M60 you'll need to pay their tolls too. Don't toll booths cause congestion?
RAILWAYS
Of course the real solution to all of our problems transport wise in the Manchester area is to re-instate the railways. Doesn't it make you mad driving round this city and seeing all those dismantled railway lines. The Victorians had the right idea, the roads were clogged up with horse and carts but no-one was bothered because they were all on the train! The trouble is, these days the train tracks have been dismantled and even where we have nice train lines we don't have any blooming stations! Mad? It gets madder! Take Wythenshawe for instance, a third of the population of the whole of the city of Manchester lives in Wythenshawe and there's not even a direct bus service to the city centre (more about that later!) There is however, a nice railway line that runs right through the middle of Wythenshawe, but there are no stations on it. The said railway line or should that be sad railway line links up with the metrolink interchange at Altrincham and runs through Stockport to Manchester Piccadilly in the opposite direction. It also crosses a couple of other strategic routes where interchange stations could be created, not least, the airport line.
MORE NEXT TIME, COMMENTS WELCOME! ALL E-MAILS WILL BE ANSWERED!
First of all a BIG thank you to Freda! Not only did she send me the Vileda Super Mocio to try but she also sent me an even better/deeper wringing/and cheaper version, 'The Asda Kitchen Mop Bucket + Wringer' in cream and blue, for the super bargain price at Asda Walmart (at Manchester Eastlands) of just £1.82
So, it's mop bucket city at our house these days. I've got the Asda Kitchen Mop Bucket in the bathroom - The Vileda Super Mocio in the utility room - The Addis divider bucket, minus wringer, but complete with Magic Mop in the kitchen - The proffesional/industrial contract/hospital style bucket with long-handle wringer and castor wheels complete with wide style/industrial mop is now in the back yard waiting to be freecycled.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JACK!
Guess what? It's Jack's birthday tomorrow and he's going to be FOURTEEN! Can you believe it? So, what's he getting for pressies? Loads of money and book tokens so far and a trip to Alton Towers and a Chinese Meal at a place in China Town. Oh yes, and he's got/getting lots of war gaming stuff (his latest obsession) just recently he's been busy glueing fantasy warriors together and painting them. It all started with his Grandad (Nic's Dad) taking him to the War Gaming Club. Okay, what else? Oh yeah, he wants to buy a weight lifting bench and weights with his b'day money. He wants the latest Harry Potter book and he's going to the movies on Sunday with Aunty Suzanne (Nic's sister). So, he's got a busy birthday week - and on the school front he's going to an art gallery in Sheffield! Phew!
MOVE IT TO MANCHESTER!!!
Well, they keep on coming don't they! Sven-Goran Eriksson being the latest big name to arrive in the city. He's going to take Man City (the football club) up to the top of the Premiership where they belong and he's going to bring in some big name players with plenty of fire-power, oh yeah, and they're going to win the FA cup! Next year they'll be playing in Europe and they'll win the European Cup! The following season they'll sign a couple of new players and they'll win the treble! Nice one Sven, trouble is - we've heard it all before!
MONO WHAT?
I was reading in the local paper a letter from a guy proposing a Monorail system for Manchester. Great idea! We can apply for it, there's nothing to stop us from dreaming that one day the powers that be will wake up and actually fund a reliable public transport alternative for this city region. City what? City region, I said, notice how you start to pick up the political speak when you start dabbling in transportation issues! (transportation? how American sounding is that?) Anyway, a monorail right down the middle of Princess Parkway/road from the Airport to Manchester Central (formerly G-Mex, originally Central Station) would be a good start. Of course it doesn't have to be a monorail, it could be a Metrolink tram, or a dedicated busway, or just a couple of bendy-buses, of course if we/they were really adventurous we/they could dig up the old street tram lines which are still buried under the central reservation and save us all a few bob!
CONGESTION CON!
Seriously though, this congestion charge nonsense is way out of control - It's a political thing and nothing you or I can say about the matter will make an ounce of difference. Nobody I know wants it, that's about all I can say, if you want to pay an extra grand a year or more to drive into this city at the peak period then write in and let me know, please! Because what the political odd bods don't/won't tell you is that sticking an extra/unfair road charge/tax on the people of Greater Manchester is only the beginning. Yes, this is to be the testing ground for the provinces and if people are daft enough to pay the charge here then they (central government/every local authority) will soon introduce the same thing to your neck of the woods. So, if for instance you work in Manchester and live in Liverpool you will quite likely need to pay not one congestion charge but two or three. You see, Liverpool will charge you because you live there, Manchester will charge you because you work there and of course Warrington will have to charge you for driving through their borough twice a day during the rush hour. By the time all this happens (in a couple of weeks?) there'll be a toll on the Motorway as well, so driving out of Manchester you'll have to pay the M602 toll then the M62 toll and if you use the M56 and M60 you'll need to pay their tolls too. Don't toll booths cause congestion?
RAILWAYS
Of course the real solution to all of our problems transport wise in the Manchester area is to re-instate the railways. Doesn't it make you mad driving round this city and seeing all those dismantled railway lines. The Victorians had the right idea, the roads were clogged up with horse and carts but no-one was bothered because they were all on the train! The trouble is, these days the train tracks have been dismantled and even where we have nice train lines we don't have any blooming stations! Mad? It gets madder! Take Wythenshawe for instance, a third of the population of the whole of the city of Manchester lives in Wythenshawe and there's not even a direct bus service to the city centre (more about that later!) There is however, a nice railway line that runs right through the middle of Wythenshawe, but there are no stations on it. The said railway line or should that be sad railway line links up with the metrolink interchange at Altrincham and runs through Stockport to Manchester Piccadilly in the opposite direction. It also crosses a couple of other strategic routes where interchange stations could be created, not least, the airport line.
MORE NEXT TIME, COMMENTS WELCOME! ALL E-MAILS WILL BE ANSWERED!
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
Keep on talking...
LIVERPOOL EIGHT HUNDRED
Not many people know this but on August 28th. The city of Liverpool will be celebrating it's eight hundreth aniversary. To mark the event several groups of poets are doing different things, one group is asking local poets to contribute a line to an eight hundred line poem another group is looking for 800 poems to make an anthology http://www.poem800.com/ I even sent in a couple of verses myself which they have accepted. I wrote a third Liverpool poem this week on the strength of it, my new piece is called The Amazing Gormley's and is of course about the naked men on Crosby beach. After completing this one I realised that a Merseyside collection was/is on the cards as I also have a poem about Southport A Limited Sea and another one about the Wirral somewhere!
GREEN GILBERT
We re-cycle everything these days and you'd think the powers that be would at least try to make it easier for people to do just that. But what a kerfuffle all this re-cycling thing is becoming. "We don't take cardboard mate!" said the re-cycling collector, "There's too many different types you see, and a lot of it's covered in that plastic stuff, it's a sort of wax or summit! ain't it? Anyway, we can't tek it!" He continued. Which got me to thinking that forty odd years ago things were much simpler - we recycled cardboard then without even knowing that that was what we were doing. I remember, I worked at the local Maypole store, stacking shelves and stuff after school and once a week we had a big cardboard collection. A man with a van would come and take all the flattened boxes away - I think they had to be not only flattened but put into a forty-eight dozen size egg box. Anyway, how green's that? Not only did we re-cycle cardboard but all glass bottles had a refund price attached to them - remember the milk bottles? rinse and return! Also, pop bottles had a deposit on them as did things like soda fountains that you could get from the off license in those days. And what about all those bring+buy sales? Yes, we've been re-cycling for a long time!
MISSISIPPI MUD PIE
It was Ruth's birthday yesterday and we made Missisippi Mud Pie, HAPPY BIRTHDAY RUTH! Don't you just love cooking? Well, it can be fun! I like making fridge cakes - you do a bit of cooking but you don't bake 'em in the oven - you just slam 'em in the fridge! And Missisippi Mud Pie is the favorite one that I like to make. It all started about twelve years ago. We used to go to a Pizza take-away on Wilmslow Road, one of those student places the other side of Platt Fields Park from the curry mile. It was an Italien place in those days and they used to flop the pizza dough about New York style and make up the pizzas to-order in the window of the shop and a crowd would always watch as the man worked. Anyway, we used to go down on a friday night and get in the queue (it was always busy) and after we'd ordered the pizza the Italian man would say "What you want for your pudding? Hah! I know what you likes! You wants the Missisippi Mud Pie! No?" So, I used to buy the sticky stuff for £1 a slice - every week. Of course one thing led to another and we got the recipe to make it ourselves which was lucky 'cos not long after that the take-away was taken over by a non Italien family and guess what? they stopped selling fridge cakes!
MYSTIFIED SHOPPER!
Last week under this sub-title in this column in this blog on your computer I wrote about Mops! Mop buckets to be precise - Well, thank you for the two e-mails one from anonymous and the other one from Freda. The first one said: I think it's a Vileda you're looking for! And Freda said: It's called a Super Mocio and they're about a fiver! And I wrote back to Freda and said: Can you send me one? I'm still waiting of course, but I did find that my local Asda actually sells them and they cost £4.97 the only trouble is they're so popular that Asda is constantly out-of-stock! Sometimes you just can't win, can you? If you want one, and I reccomend them, they're called Super Mocio (thanks Freda) and yes, anonymous they're made by Vileda!
Not many people know this but on August 28th. The city of Liverpool will be celebrating it's eight hundreth aniversary. To mark the event several groups of poets are doing different things, one group is asking local poets to contribute a line to an eight hundred line poem another group is looking for 800 poems to make an anthology http://www.poem800.com/ I even sent in a couple of verses myself which they have accepted. I wrote a third Liverpool poem this week on the strength of it, my new piece is called The Amazing Gormley's and is of course about the naked men on Crosby beach. After completing this one I realised that a Merseyside collection was/is on the cards as I also have a poem about Southport A Limited Sea and another one about the Wirral somewhere!
GREEN GILBERT
We re-cycle everything these days and you'd think the powers that be would at least try to make it easier for people to do just that. But what a kerfuffle all this re-cycling thing is becoming. "We don't take cardboard mate!" said the re-cycling collector, "There's too many different types you see, and a lot of it's covered in that plastic stuff, it's a sort of wax or summit! ain't it? Anyway, we can't tek it!" He continued. Which got me to thinking that forty odd years ago things were much simpler - we recycled cardboard then without even knowing that that was what we were doing. I remember, I worked at the local Maypole store, stacking shelves and stuff after school and once a week we had a big cardboard collection. A man with a van would come and take all the flattened boxes away - I think they had to be not only flattened but put into a forty-eight dozen size egg box. Anyway, how green's that? Not only did we re-cycle cardboard but all glass bottles had a refund price attached to them - remember the milk bottles? rinse and return! Also, pop bottles had a deposit on them as did things like soda fountains that you could get from the off license in those days. And what about all those bring+buy sales? Yes, we've been re-cycling for a long time!
MISSISIPPI MUD PIE
It was Ruth's birthday yesterday and we made Missisippi Mud Pie, HAPPY BIRTHDAY RUTH! Don't you just love cooking? Well, it can be fun! I like making fridge cakes - you do a bit of cooking but you don't bake 'em in the oven - you just slam 'em in the fridge! And Missisippi Mud Pie is the favorite one that I like to make. It all started about twelve years ago. We used to go to a Pizza take-away on Wilmslow Road, one of those student places the other side of Platt Fields Park from the curry mile. It was an Italien place in those days and they used to flop the pizza dough about New York style and make up the pizzas to-order in the window of the shop and a crowd would always watch as the man worked. Anyway, we used to go down on a friday night and get in the queue (it was always busy) and after we'd ordered the pizza the Italian man would say "What you want for your pudding? Hah! I know what you likes! You wants the Missisippi Mud Pie! No?" So, I used to buy the sticky stuff for £1 a slice - every week. Of course one thing led to another and we got the recipe to make it ourselves which was lucky 'cos not long after that the take-away was taken over by a non Italien family and guess what? they stopped selling fridge cakes!
MYSTIFIED SHOPPER!
Last week under this sub-title in this column in this blog on your computer I wrote about Mops! Mop buckets to be precise - Well, thank you for the two e-mails one from anonymous and the other one from Freda. The first one said: I think it's a Vileda you're looking for! And Freda said: It's called a Super Mocio and they're about a fiver! And I wrote back to Freda and said: Can you send me one? I'm still waiting of course, but I did find that my local Asda actually sells them and they cost £4.97 the only trouble is they're so popular that Asda is constantly out-of-stock! Sometimes you just can't win, can you? If you want one, and I reccomend them, they're called Super Mocio (thanks Freda) and yes, anonymous they're made by Vileda!
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Wise words...
SCRAP INCOME TAX
Honest, I met this bloke down the pub the other day and he was a ringer for Gordon Brown. I asked him what he was going to do when he became Prime Minister? And, do you know what he said, he said: "I'm going to scrap income tax!" I suppose you could call it the 'sit' campaign, or better still 'The sit in the pub all day and dream up daft ideas campaign!' Which would of course really be 'The sit pad ad up i' campaign.
ANYWAY
What do I know? Not a lot, these days, it would appear. But life/things go on and nothing stays the same for long. Take the weather! Yes, honestly, you can have it, take it away - take it back to your neck of the woods, I/we don't want it. This is meant to be summer but all we seem to get these last few days/weeks in this town is RAIN! However, the rain is a sort of blessing in disguise, because I'm doing jobs around the house at present - a little decorating - fixing - repairing stuff - decluttering - etc. and if it was sunny outside, I'd be really mad, at missing it!
MYSTIFIED SHOPPER
I'm a terrible shopper, so I appologise in advance to shopkeepers everywhere. I usually take/make about three trips to the shops before I make a purchase. You see, my problem is, that the shops don't stock the things I want/need. So, shopping becomes a compromise, I usually end up buying something that will do the job - but not the product I was looking for. Mops! for example, I need really good quality mops and buckets to keep my bathroom floor the way I want it. I already have a professional mop bucket with a lever to squeeze the mop - but I don't like it because even though it wrings out pretty well - it mixes the dirty water back into the clean water - so you end up washing the floor with smelly water. So, I bought one of those buckets with a divider - clean water in one side - dirty wrung out smelly water in the other side. Great idea, but the actual wringer bit thingy that comes/came with it is detachable/loseable and yes if I'm honest, it's lost. But I still use the divider bucket with one of those magic mops that are like a sponge on a stick with a squashy lever that wrings the sponge bone dry. But when we went camping in Norfolk recently, I came across the most fantastic mop bucket - however, the only thing I can tell you about it is it was red and it had a really deep wringer thingy that fantastically wrang out the mop. I want one - but of course nobody sells them - the shop keepers think I'm stupid - I'm wasting their time. I'm MYSTIFIED!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!
25/8
MARTIN AMIS 1949
Well, it has to be Martin Amis this week after mentioning him last time. Yes another writer and a prolific one at that. You can clink the link to the Martin Amis web site.
Honest, I met this bloke down the pub the other day and he was a ringer for Gordon Brown. I asked him what he was going to do when he became Prime Minister? And, do you know what he said, he said: "I'm going to scrap income tax!" I suppose you could call it the 'sit' campaign, or better still 'The sit in the pub all day and dream up daft ideas campaign!' Which would of course really be 'The sit pad ad up i' campaign.
ANYWAY
What do I know? Not a lot, these days, it would appear. But life/things go on and nothing stays the same for long. Take the weather! Yes, honestly, you can have it, take it away - take it back to your neck of the woods, I/we don't want it. This is meant to be summer but all we seem to get these last few days/weeks in this town is RAIN! However, the rain is a sort of blessing in disguise, because I'm doing jobs around the house at present - a little decorating - fixing - repairing stuff - decluttering - etc. and if it was sunny outside, I'd be really mad, at missing it!
MYSTIFIED SHOPPER
I'm a terrible shopper, so I appologise in advance to shopkeepers everywhere. I usually take/make about three trips to the shops before I make a purchase. You see, my problem is, that the shops don't stock the things I want/need. So, shopping becomes a compromise, I usually end up buying something that will do the job - but not the product I was looking for. Mops! for example, I need really good quality mops and buckets to keep my bathroom floor the way I want it. I already have a professional mop bucket with a lever to squeeze the mop - but I don't like it because even though it wrings out pretty well - it mixes the dirty water back into the clean water - so you end up washing the floor with smelly water. So, I bought one of those buckets with a divider - clean water in one side - dirty wrung out smelly water in the other side. Great idea, but the actual wringer bit thingy that comes/came with it is detachable/loseable and yes if I'm honest, it's lost. But I still use the divider bucket with one of those magic mops that are like a sponge on a stick with a squashy lever that wrings the sponge bone dry. But when we went camping in Norfolk recently, I came across the most fantastic mop bucket - however, the only thing I can tell you about it is it was red and it had a really deep wringer thingy that fantastically wrang out the mop. I want one - but of course nobody sells them - the shop keepers think I'm stupid - I'm wasting their time. I'm MYSTIFIED!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!
25/8
MARTIN AMIS 1949
Well, it has to be Martin Amis this week after mentioning him last time. Yes another writer and a prolific one at that. You can clink the link to the Martin Amis web site.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Hot and cold...
WET WEDNESDAY
Well, that's what's forecast for tomorrow anyway. It makes you wonder about all this talk of global warming sometimes. The weather here has been nice, some days, but not others. In fact if you were to ask the proverbial man in the street about the weather he would say, it's back to normal. Normal in these parts means rain!
BERNARD MANNING
The comedian Bernard Manning is dead! He died this week in a North Manchester hospital, close to his home, aged seventy six.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY
25/8 UPDATE...
Last week I mooted 'Move it to Manchester' and guess what? Writer and shared birthday fellow Martin Amis, I just read in the local paper, is moving to Manchester to lecture at the University! How quick was that?
FOOTBALL
I don't think I've had a footballer (soccer player) sharing a birthday with me before, but this week I'm going to feature Dutch International and ex Man City goalkeeper Ronald Waterreus, remember him? Well, he only played a couple of games for City, in the league cup and none in the league before moving on to Rangers of Glasgow. I believe he is playing out his career in the United States these days but he is getting on a bit now in footballing terms, being born on 25/8/1970. Most of the stuff on the web about him is in Dutch or current stuff from America, so I'll give you a simple English link to clink - clink the link.
Well, that's what's forecast for tomorrow anyway. It makes you wonder about all this talk of global warming sometimes. The weather here has been nice, some days, but not others. In fact if you were to ask the proverbial man in the street about the weather he would say, it's back to normal. Normal in these parts means rain!
BERNARD MANNING
The comedian Bernard Manning is dead! He died this week in a North Manchester hospital, close to his home, aged seventy six.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY
25/8 UPDATE...
Last week I mooted 'Move it to Manchester' and guess what? Writer and shared birthday fellow Martin Amis, I just read in the local paper, is moving to Manchester to lecture at the University! How quick was that?
FOOTBALL
I don't think I've had a footballer (soccer player) sharing a birthday with me before, but this week I'm going to feature Dutch International and ex Man City goalkeeper Ronald Waterreus, remember him? Well, he only played a couple of games for City, in the league cup and none in the league before moving on to Rangers of Glasgow. I believe he is playing out his career in the United States these days but he is getting on a bit now in footballing terms, being born on 25/8/1970. Most of the stuff on the web about him is in Dutch or current stuff from America, so I'll give you a simple English link to clink - clink the link.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Back on track! ...
NEARLY NEARLY
Well it's back to normal after a couple of hairy scary weeks! Well, nearly! When I say normal, I really mean EXCITING! I mean, it is isn't it? To think that I'm sitting here and you're sitting there in your comfortable chair and you're reading what I'm writing. How normal's that? Anyway, on with the blog! First off, apologies to all those people who clinked this link the last couple of weeks and came up empty. You may have noticed the sub heading now says: Nearly Every Tuesday as that is more accurate than the previous one. So, nearly, nearly? No, not really!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY
25/8/1956 MATT AITKEN
This week in this section of this blog. Songwriter Matt Aitken of Scott, Aitken + Waterman fame, was born on my birthday in the year 1956. You can clink the link to find out more about him, but you might have to do a google search yourself - try the Scott, Aitken + Waterman site. Anyway, if you share my birthday - August 25 you can write in and let me know! And I'll give you a BIG write-up!
NEW CHALLENGE?
This is not really a political blog, although I do get on me pulpit sometimes. So, I'm just going to suggest a couple of little things for anybody else who wants to run with the ball, so to speak. The first one is: Move It To Manchester! If you've got a business or a great business idea/plan, then where better to develop it than this fair city? Move it to Manchester - you won't be sorry! The second thing I wanted to say was: SIT! Scrap Income Tax! Imagine that? Well it could be a reality, I have it on good authority that the powers that be are considering just that. However, it won't be such a bonus as you might think - 'cos they also have big plans to increase sales tax and VAT and to introduce a local sales tax.
MORE NEXT WEEK!
Well it's back to normal after a couple of hairy scary weeks! Well, nearly! When I say normal, I really mean EXCITING! I mean, it is isn't it? To think that I'm sitting here and you're sitting there in your comfortable chair and you're reading what I'm writing. How normal's that? Anyway, on with the blog! First off, apologies to all those people who clinked this link the last couple of weeks and came up empty. You may have noticed the sub heading now says: Nearly Every Tuesday as that is more accurate than the previous one. So, nearly, nearly? No, not really!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY
25/8/1956 MATT AITKEN
This week in this section of this blog. Songwriter Matt Aitken of Scott, Aitken + Waterman fame, was born on my birthday in the year 1956. You can clink the link to find out more about him, but you might have to do a google search yourself - try the Scott, Aitken + Waterman site. Anyway, if you share my birthday - August 25 you can write in and let me know! And I'll give you a BIG write-up!
NEW CHALLENGE?
This is not really a political blog, although I do get on me pulpit sometimes. So, I'm just going to suggest a couple of little things for anybody else who wants to run with the ball, so to speak. The first one is: Move It To Manchester! If you've got a business or a great business idea/plan, then where better to develop it than this fair city? Move it to Manchester - you won't be sorry! The second thing I wanted to say was: SIT! Scrap Income Tax! Imagine that? Well it could be a reality, I have it on good authority that the powers that be are considering just that. However, it won't be such a bonus as you might think - 'cos they also have big plans to increase sales tax and VAT and to introduce a local sales tax.
MORE NEXT WEEK!
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Fast Forward...
MONO WHAT?
I was reading in the local paper a letter from a guy proposing a Monorail system for Manchester. Great idea! We can apply for it, there's nothing to stop us from dreaming that one day the powers that be will wake up and actually fund a reliable public transport alternative for this city region. City what? City region, I said, notice how you start to pick up the political speak when you start dabbling in transportation issues! (transportation? how American sounding is that?) Anyway, a monorail right down the middle of Princess Parkway/road from the Airport to Manchester Central (formerly G-Mex, originally Central Station) would be a good start. Of course it doesn't have to be a monorail, it could be a Metrolink tram, or a dedicated busway, or just a couple of bendy-buses, of course if we/they were really adventurous we/they could dig up the old street tram lines which are still buried under the central reservation and save us all a few bob!
CONGESTION CON!
Seriously though, this congestion charge nonsense is way out of control - It's a political thing and nothing you or I can say about the matter will make an ounce of difference. Nobody I know wants it, that's about all I can say, if you want to pay an extra grand a year or more to drive into this city at the peak period then write in and let me know, please! Because what the political odd bods don't/won't tell you is that sticking an extra/unfair road charge/tax on the people of Greater Manchester is only the beginning. Yes, this is to be the testing ground for the provinces and if people are daft enough to pay the charge here then they (central government/every local authority) will soon introduce the same thing to your neck of the woods. So, if for instance you work in Manchester and live in Liverpool you will quite likely need to pay not one congestion charge but two or three. You see, Liverpool will charge you because you live there, Manchester will charge you because you work there and of course Warrington will have to charge you for driving through their borough twice a day during the rush hour. By the time all this happens (in a couple of weeks?) there'll be a toll on the Motorway as well, so driving out of Manchester you'll have to pay the M602 toll then the M62 toll and if you use the M56 and M60 you'll need to pay their tolls too. Don't toll booths cause congestion?
RAILWAYS
Of course the real solution to all of our problems transport wise in the Manchester area is to re-instate the railways. Doesn't it make you mad driving round this city and seeing all those dismantled railway lines. The Victorians had the right idea, the roads were clogged up with horse and carts but no-one was bothered because they were all on the train! The trouble is, these days the train tracks have been dismantled and even where we have nice train lines we don't have any blooming stations! Mad? It gets madder! Take Wythenshawe for instance, a third of the population of the whole of the city of Manchester lives in Wythenshawe and there's not even a direct bus service to the city centre (more about that later!) There is however, a nice railway line that runs right through the middle of Wythenshawe, but there are no stations on it. The said railway line or should that be sad railway line links up with the metrolink interchange at Altrincham and runs through Stockport to Manchester Piccadilly in the opposite direction. It also crosses a couple of other strategic routes where interchange stations could be created, not least, the airport line.
WEIRD WEB
Well, things have gone weird again on the web. This computer is running really slow and in general things aren't the way they should be. Weird Web! I had to miss posting to this and other blogs last Tuesday and today, I've tried changing the heading from every Tuesday to nearly every Tuesday but so far it still reads every Tuesday. Hopefully by the time you actually read this posting I'll have got it right.
I was reading in the local paper a letter from a guy proposing a Monorail system for Manchester. Great idea! We can apply for it, there's nothing to stop us from dreaming that one day the powers that be will wake up and actually fund a reliable public transport alternative for this city region. City what? City region, I said, notice how you start to pick up the political speak when you start dabbling in transportation issues! (transportation? how American sounding is that?) Anyway, a monorail right down the middle of Princess Parkway/road from the Airport to Manchester Central (formerly G-Mex, originally Central Station) would be a good start. Of course it doesn't have to be a monorail, it could be a Metrolink tram, or a dedicated busway, or just a couple of bendy-buses, of course if we/they were really adventurous we/they could dig up the old street tram lines which are still buried under the central reservation and save us all a few bob!
CONGESTION CON!
Seriously though, this congestion charge nonsense is way out of control - It's a political thing and nothing you or I can say about the matter will make an ounce of difference. Nobody I know wants it, that's about all I can say, if you want to pay an extra grand a year or more to drive into this city at the peak period then write in and let me know, please! Because what the political odd bods don't/won't tell you is that sticking an extra/unfair road charge/tax on the people of Greater Manchester is only the beginning. Yes, this is to be the testing ground for the provinces and if people are daft enough to pay the charge here then they (central government/every local authority) will soon introduce the same thing to your neck of the woods. So, if for instance you work in Manchester and live in Liverpool you will quite likely need to pay not one congestion charge but two or three. You see, Liverpool will charge you because you live there, Manchester will charge you because you work there and of course Warrington will have to charge you for driving through their borough twice a day during the rush hour. By the time all this happens (in a couple of weeks?) there'll be a toll on the Motorway as well, so driving out of Manchester you'll have to pay the M602 toll then the M62 toll and if you use the M56 and M60 you'll need to pay their tolls too. Don't toll booths cause congestion?
RAILWAYS
Of course the real solution to all of our problems transport wise in the Manchester area is to re-instate the railways. Doesn't it make you mad driving round this city and seeing all those dismantled railway lines. The Victorians had the right idea, the roads were clogged up with horse and carts but no-one was bothered because they were all on the train! The trouble is, these days the train tracks have been dismantled and even where we have nice train lines we don't have any blooming stations! Mad? It gets madder! Take Wythenshawe for instance, a third of the population of the whole of the city of Manchester lives in Wythenshawe and there's not even a direct bus service to the city centre (more about that later!) There is however, a nice railway line that runs right through the middle of Wythenshawe, but there are no stations on it. The said railway line or should that be sad railway line links up with the metrolink interchange at Altrincham and runs through Stockport to Manchester Piccadilly in the opposite direction. It also crosses a couple of other strategic routes where interchange stations could be created, not least, the airport line.
WEIRD WEB
Well, things have gone weird again on the web. This computer is running really slow and in general things aren't the way they should be. Weird Web! I had to miss posting to this and other blogs last Tuesday and today, I've tried changing the heading from every Tuesday to nearly every Tuesday but so far it still reads every Tuesday. Hopefully by the time you actually read this posting I'll have got it right.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
More questions than answers?...
EVERYBODY!
Everybody knows better than me about everything! It doesn't matter what I do or say, I'm wrong! and everybody else is right! You see, all these other people are more important than me. They've got everything figured out - and what they believe in is true/definite/immovable. My opinion, simply doesn't matter. They just don't have time to listen! they don't care! They know all the answers - they know better than me!
DOCTOR DREAMA
I hate going to the doctor's... It's not that I don't like my doctor - I do! It's just that, well, er, I feel that I'm wasting her time. You see, it's usually something quite insignificant that takes me in search of medical help. So, I've been limiting myself to essential visits only, and so far this year I've only been to the surgery for an appointment once - and that was only because my optician sent me posthaste with a letter. The letter from the eye-man to my doctor was then expanded upon and sent on to the eye hospital and that's where I met Doctor Dreama.
THE PLOT THICKENS
Now, to set the record straight, Doctor Dreama isn't just one particular doctor. And yes, I have used the name in the past, as regular readers of this bloggage may well recall. I use the name now, because since my initial appointment at the eye-hossie I've seen at least six different doctors in three different departments, who all claim to be baffled by my perpendicular eyes, as reported on these pages last week. Well, there has been a development this week, no, I haven't got the results of my chest x-ray or the verdict from my MR scan yet. But, something happened this week that made me think that the conglomorate Doctor Dreama may just know something that I don't - a bit like everybody else, really!
SEVERE CRAMP
I had been out in the back-yard all afternoon washing down some equipment with a hosepipe and an assortment of cloths + sponges. I was wearing my new wellies (knee-high rubber boots) and my jeans were stuffed into the top of them. After a while, I started to get a bit of a tingling pins + needles feeling in my right knee. At first I thought little of it, I had experienced a similar sensation on a dozen occasions before. This time, however, the tingling didn't go away, it got worse. By the time I had finished my work in the yard, my right leg had pretty much seized up. It took me a while to get my boot off and then a few minutes further of exercising my leg before embarking upon my next mission - making pizza!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!
25/8/1930
SIR SEAN CONNERY
Birthdays are a funny old thing.
Jack shares his birthday with his schoolfriend Justyn, who is exactly one year younger.
My nephew, little Andy has two kids, born on the same day - one year apart!
Which brings me to Sean Connery - Sean was born on August 25 - just a couple of decades or so before me. I think we'll feature Sir Sean Connery this week. After all, they don't come much more famous than him! do they? You can clink-the-link HERE.
Everybody knows better than me about everything! It doesn't matter what I do or say, I'm wrong! and everybody else is right! You see, all these other people are more important than me. They've got everything figured out - and what they believe in is true/definite/immovable. My opinion, simply doesn't matter. They just don't have time to listen! they don't care! They know all the answers - they know better than me!
DOCTOR DREAMA
I hate going to the doctor's... It's not that I don't like my doctor - I do! It's just that, well, er, I feel that I'm wasting her time. You see, it's usually something quite insignificant that takes me in search of medical help. So, I've been limiting myself to essential visits only, and so far this year I've only been to the surgery for an appointment once - and that was only because my optician sent me posthaste with a letter. The letter from the eye-man to my doctor was then expanded upon and sent on to the eye hospital and that's where I met Doctor Dreama.
THE PLOT THICKENS
Now, to set the record straight, Doctor Dreama isn't just one particular doctor. And yes, I have used the name in the past, as regular readers of this bloggage may well recall. I use the name now, because since my initial appointment at the eye-hossie I've seen at least six different doctors in three different departments, who all claim to be baffled by my perpendicular eyes, as reported on these pages last week. Well, there has been a development this week, no, I haven't got the results of my chest x-ray or the verdict from my MR scan yet. But, something happened this week that made me think that the conglomorate Doctor Dreama may just know something that I don't - a bit like everybody else, really!
SEVERE CRAMP
I had been out in the back-yard all afternoon washing down some equipment with a hosepipe and an assortment of cloths + sponges. I was wearing my new wellies (knee-high rubber boots) and my jeans were stuffed into the top of them. After a while, I started to get a bit of a tingling pins + needles feeling in my right knee. At first I thought little of it, I had experienced a similar sensation on a dozen occasions before. This time, however, the tingling didn't go away, it got worse. By the time I had finished my work in the yard, my right leg had pretty much seized up. It took me a while to get my boot off and then a few minutes further of exercising my leg before embarking upon my next mission - making pizza!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!
25/8/1930
SIR SEAN CONNERY
Birthdays are a funny old thing.
Jack shares his birthday with his schoolfriend Justyn, who is exactly one year younger.
My nephew, little Andy has two kids, born on the same day - one year apart!
Which brings me to Sean Connery - Sean was born on August 25 - just a couple of decades or so before me. I think we'll feature Sir Sean Connery this week. After all, they don't come much more famous than him! do they? You can clink-the-link HERE.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Keep it up...
PERPENDICULAR EYES
I haven't mentioned this to you before, but it's official, I've got perpendicular eyes! Everyone else, according to Doctor Dreama at the hossie, has horizontal eyes. She did say that perpendicular eyes may well be normal for me, but just in case... she's sending me for loads of tests. So far, I've had two CAT Scans, Six Blood tests, Several eye scans, One chest x-ray, Three Eye photography appointments, a field test and three teams of Doctors from the eye hossie, all baffled by my case. Today, I was introduced to yet another eye specialist and I had my eyes re-examined. The results of the six bloods were negative and I now have to go for a magnetic resonance something or other - a different kind of scan? If they still can't find anything wrong with me, I've got to have a lumbar puncture! How much of an eye-opener is that?
BLOG EYES!
Anyway, talking of eyes and eyesight a Mrs Ackerley from nearby Altrincham has just been issued with night-time contact lenses. The idea is that she will wear them at night and they will correct her eyes and in the morning she will take them out and she will have 20/20 vision! What a great invention. But, like Nicola always says: 'You can't believe everything you read in the Manchester Evening News!' However, if it does work, and Mrs Ackerley says it does, then how about loading the same sort of eye correction treatment onto the computer and we could all improve our vision as we blog!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
It always seems to be someones birthday these days and this week, in fact today, it's my twin brother's birthday! Not that I'm a twin, you understand, but I do have two brothers who are, Henry + Stan! So, H + S, Happy Birthday!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!
CLAUDIA SCHIFFER
25/8/1970
Talking of birthdays! When's yours? You see, I do this crazy thing every week where I feature somebody who shares my birthday. This week it is German supermodel + actress Claudia Schiffer. Claudia was born on August 25th just like me and lots of other people, maybe even you? If your birthday just happens to be on 25/8, write in and let me know and I'll give you a BIG write-up on this blog! Anyway, you can clink the link to Claudia's US fansite HERE.
SECOND OPINION
Well, it's been a long day. Since I started writing todays blog, I've been back to the hospital for the MR Scan - It only took about thirty minutes from start to finish but talk about frightening! It was really scary! Why, because of the noise it makes? Not just the noise, but the future fiction aspect of the whole thing as well. I had to lie on this flat bed/table thing and then it moved inside a big tunnel, which seemed to narrow as I entered it head first. "Are you ready?" said a mystery voice. Then without waiting for me to reply, the buzzing noise began! DAR, DAR, DAR! it bellowed incessantly. It was like a very loud electric doorbell with an impatient postman, standing outside in the Manchester rain, pressing it. It went on and on and on. I kept very still as instructed and was glad when the noise finally stopped. However, the mystery voice kicked in again. "We'll have to do it again!" The voice began, "You moved a fraction!" it explained. Then the NOISE!!! started up again.
MYSTIFIED SHOPPER
I don't know about you but I just love cooking! I just love eating + I just love food! But the thing I hate about shopping is all that packaging and worse all that junk food that people have convinced themselves, saves them time. So, when Jack decided he wanted to have Kentucky Fried Chicken from KFC, I wasn't very happy. Eventually, as always, against my better judgement, we went to the local KFC drive-thru place. The first problem was we had to drive to it. (Green Gilbert wouldn't have liked that!) The second problem was, we had to drive past thirty or forty take-aways including six other brands of Southern Fried Chicken before we reached the KFC. Then, problem number three, On reaching the advertised outlet we were confronted with a mystifying amount of choice, there were bargain buckets, variety buckets, childrens menu's etc. And the staff, who I must say were very patient with us, were just as mystified that I/we didn't know what to order as I/we was/were with the conflicting menu.
DEAR KFC,
Sorry Colonel Sanders, the chicken wasn't very nice, I think you might have cooked it too long and oh yes, you left the skin on mine and after I peeled off all that nasty batter stuff that was stuck to it there wasn't really much chicken there, it was mainly bone. But the worst thing was the chips, they were cold and they tasted like cardboard, we had to throw them away. The other thing was, on the menu it said: Two main sides, (how American's that? but I knew what you meant!) the prob was we didn't get them! And we didn't get any napkins or salt or sauce or any clean-up tissues or any ice-cream or pop (soda US) in fact the only thing I felt I got was I felt I got ripped off!
I haven't mentioned this to you before, but it's official, I've got perpendicular eyes! Everyone else, according to Doctor Dreama at the hossie, has horizontal eyes. She did say that perpendicular eyes may well be normal for me, but just in case... she's sending me for loads of tests. So far, I've had two CAT Scans, Six Blood tests, Several eye scans, One chest x-ray, Three Eye photography appointments, a field test and three teams of Doctors from the eye hossie, all baffled by my case. Today, I was introduced to yet another eye specialist and I had my eyes re-examined. The results of the six bloods were negative and I now have to go for a magnetic resonance something or other - a different kind of scan? If they still can't find anything wrong with me, I've got to have a lumbar puncture! How much of an eye-opener is that?
BLOG EYES!
Anyway, talking of eyes and eyesight a Mrs Ackerley from nearby Altrincham has just been issued with night-time contact lenses. The idea is that she will wear them at night and they will correct her eyes and in the morning she will take them out and she will have 20/20 vision! What a great invention. But, like Nicola always says: 'You can't believe everything you read in the Manchester Evening News!' However, if it does work, and Mrs Ackerley says it does, then how about loading the same sort of eye correction treatment onto the computer and we could all improve our vision as we blog!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
It always seems to be someones birthday these days and this week, in fact today, it's my twin brother's birthday! Not that I'm a twin, you understand, but I do have two brothers who are, Henry + Stan! So, H + S, Happy Birthday!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!
CLAUDIA SCHIFFER
25/8/1970
Talking of birthdays! When's yours? You see, I do this crazy thing every week where I feature somebody who shares my birthday. This week it is German supermodel + actress Claudia Schiffer. Claudia was born on August 25th just like me and lots of other people, maybe even you? If your birthday just happens to be on 25/8, write in and let me know and I'll give you a BIG write-up on this blog! Anyway, you can clink the link to Claudia's US fansite HERE.
SECOND OPINION
Well, it's been a long day. Since I started writing todays blog, I've been back to the hospital for the MR Scan - It only took about thirty minutes from start to finish but talk about frightening! It was really scary! Why, because of the noise it makes? Not just the noise, but the future fiction aspect of the whole thing as well. I had to lie on this flat bed/table thing and then it moved inside a big tunnel, which seemed to narrow as I entered it head first. "Are you ready?" said a mystery voice. Then without waiting for me to reply, the buzzing noise began! DAR, DAR, DAR! it bellowed incessantly. It was like a very loud electric doorbell with an impatient postman, standing outside in the Manchester rain, pressing it. It went on and on and on. I kept very still as instructed and was glad when the noise finally stopped. However, the mystery voice kicked in again. "We'll have to do it again!" The voice began, "You moved a fraction!" it explained. Then the NOISE!!! started up again.
MYSTIFIED SHOPPER
I don't know about you but I just love cooking! I just love eating + I just love food! But the thing I hate about shopping is all that packaging and worse all that junk food that people have convinced themselves, saves them time. So, when Jack decided he wanted to have Kentucky Fried Chicken from KFC, I wasn't very happy. Eventually, as always, against my better judgement, we went to the local KFC drive-thru place. The first problem was we had to drive to it. (Green Gilbert wouldn't have liked that!) The second problem was, we had to drive past thirty or forty take-aways including six other brands of Southern Fried Chicken before we reached the KFC. Then, problem number three, On reaching the advertised outlet we were confronted with a mystifying amount of choice, there were bargain buckets, variety buckets, childrens menu's etc. And the staff, who I must say were very patient with us, were just as mystified that I/we didn't know what to order as I/we was/were with the conflicting menu.
DEAR KFC,
Sorry Colonel Sanders, the chicken wasn't very nice, I think you might have cooked it too long and oh yes, you left the skin on mine and after I peeled off all that nasty batter stuff that was stuck to it there wasn't really much chicken there, it was mainly bone. But the worst thing was the chips, they were cold and they tasted like cardboard, we had to throw them away. The other thing was, on the menu it said: Two main sides, (how American's that? but I knew what you meant!) the prob was we didn't get them! And we didn't get any napkins or salt or sauce or any clean-up tissues or any ice-cream or pop (soda US) in fact the only thing I felt I got was I felt I got ripped off!
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Go for it!...
MYSTIFIED SHOPPER
Jack wanted to sell some old playstation games so he could buy a spider tank. Spider tanks are the latest must have thing! Jack and some of his school friends went to see the latest Spiderman movie at the weekend, so perhaps spider tanks are something to do with that? Well, I can't get much sense out of Jack at the moment, but I did see another boy with a spider tank and he was riding a bicycle. Anyhow, Jack went along to Gamestation in the local Blockbuster store and the man said he could have £9.00 for two old games but he would need an adult to sanction the deal. So, I went along and filled out my name and address on a sheet of paper and was asked to sign a reciept for a credit note. "Hold on a minute," I said. "I think Jack wanted cash!"
"Oh," said the man, "You'll need two pieces of ID! And it's only £6.00 for cash."
"Ok," I said, searching in my pockets. Eventually, I found my bank debit card and showed it to the man.
He shook his head. "Haven't you got anything else?" He asked.
I put my hand into my pocket again and produced my Blockbuster card. The man shook his head again.
I was about to give up when I found my credit card! This should do it I thought. Wrong again!
"You need two pieces of photo ID!" The man told me.
"Photo what?" I asked.
"Photo ID, a photo driving license and a passport!"
This was getting really embarrassing now, so I made my excuses and dragged Jack out of the store. I never want to go to Gamestation or Blockbuster again!
BIKE BITS + BOBS!
Cycling is one of those things you would think was so simple to do. You just get on your bike and go, don't you? Well, no! I mean you probably do if you have loads of time or if there's someplace you need to be. But, if you've not got any spare time and you've not got any urgent appointments or pressing engagements to attend... Getting out of the house is nigh on impossible, never mind digging the bike out of the ever increasing pile of BMX machines that seem to be breeding in my hallway. At the moment my Home-made-extra-cycle is at the bottom of the pile. Next comes my Mountain bike, which is wedged in by Jacks BMX! On top of Jack's bike is Jessica's BMX, which is blocked in by Jack's friends bike. On top of the bike pile is Ruth's extra special Puch Mini which I reckon is about forty years old. So, do I move five bikes to get mine out or do I just walk across the street to the corner shop and pay 38pence for the Manchester Evening News? Well, if I cycle up to Piccadilly or St Peter's Square I can get the city centre edition for free! But, by the time I've dug five bikes out of the way and dragged my machine to the front and cycled up to Aytoun Street or Oxford Street or wherever else the newsboy is handing out the freebies, I could have written another chapter of my book! When are we going to get a Moss Side Edition? (free-one) that's what I WANNA KNOW! Come on MEN!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY
25/8/1980
GRANDMASTER GARETH
Ok, everybody's heard of Misty's haven't they? You know, Misty's! Misty's Big Adventure! Oh that Misty's, why didn't you say that in the first place then? Well, I just wanted to get you going. Anyhow, I know you all know who Misty's Big Adventure are and you all know who Grandmaster Gareth is! But I bet you didn't know that like many other famous people, Grandmaster Gareth shares my birthday! Well, you do now. Not only that but I used to be Misty's fattest fan! I can't say that any more 'cos I've lost so much weight! Ok, I'm Misty's oldest fan! Sorry to disappoint you, but there was a bloke even older than me at the last gig I went to at the Manchester Academy. So, what is my claim to fame then? Well, I'm a friend of a friend of a friend of the Grandmaster's, sort of... You see Jessica is a friend of Gareth's and Jessica works for my friend Nicola, so you see... we're almost best mates! aren't we? Anyway, I've got all the albums! So, I am Cool with a Capital C! If you get my drift! Who killed the bloody neighbours?
Jack wanted to sell some old playstation games so he could buy a spider tank. Spider tanks are the latest must have thing! Jack and some of his school friends went to see the latest Spiderman movie at the weekend, so perhaps spider tanks are something to do with that? Well, I can't get much sense out of Jack at the moment, but I did see another boy with a spider tank and he was riding a bicycle. Anyhow, Jack went along to Gamestation in the local Blockbuster store and the man said he could have £9.00 for two old games but he would need an adult to sanction the deal. So, I went along and filled out my name and address on a sheet of paper and was asked to sign a reciept for a credit note. "Hold on a minute," I said. "I think Jack wanted cash!"
"Oh," said the man, "You'll need two pieces of ID! And it's only £6.00 for cash."
"Ok," I said, searching in my pockets. Eventually, I found my bank debit card and showed it to the man.
He shook his head. "Haven't you got anything else?" He asked.
I put my hand into my pocket again and produced my Blockbuster card. The man shook his head again.
I was about to give up when I found my credit card! This should do it I thought. Wrong again!
"You need two pieces of photo ID!" The man told me.
"Photo what?" I asked.
"Photo ID, a photo driving license and a passport!"
This was getting really embarrassing now, so I made my excuses and dragged Jack out of the store. I never want to go to Gamestation or Blockbuster again!
BIKE BITS + BOBS!
Cycling is one of those things you would think was so simple to do. You just get on your bike and go, don't you? Well, no! I mean you probably do if you have loads of time or if there's someplace you need to be. But, if you've not got any spare time and you've not got any urgent appointments or pressing engagements to attend... Getting out of the house is nigh on impossible, never mind digging the bike out of the ever increasing pile of BMX machines that seem to be breeding in my hallway. At the moment my Home-made-extra-cycle is at the bottom of the pile. Next comes my Mountain bike, which is wedged in by Jacks BMX! On top of Jack's bike is Jessica's BMX, which is blocked in by Jack's friends bike. On top of the bike pile is Ruth's extra special Puch Mini which I reckon is about forty years old. So, do I move five bikes to get mine out or do I just walk across the street to the corner shop and pay 38pence for the Manchester Evening News? Well, if I cycle up to Piccadilly or St Peter's Square I can get the city centre edition for free! But, by the time I've dug five bikes out of the way and dragged my machine to the front and cycled up to Aytoun Street or Oxford Street or wherever else the newsboy is handing out the freebies, I could have written another chapter of my book! When are we going to get a Moss Side Edition? (free-one) that's what I WANNA KNOW! Come on MEN!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY
25/8/1980
GRANDMASTER GARETH
Ok, everybody's heard of Misty's haven't they? You know, Misty's! Misty's Big Adventure! Oh that Misty's, why didn't you say that in the first place then? Well, I just wanted to get you going. Anyhow, I know you all know who Misty's Big Adventure are and you all know who Grandmaster Gareth is! But I bet you didn't know that like many other famous people, Grandmaster Gareth shares my birthday! Well, you do now. Not only that but I used to be Misty's fattest fan! I can't say that any more 'cos I've lost so much weight! Ok, I'm Misty's oldest fan! Sorry to disappoint you, but there was a bloke even older than me at the last gig I went to at the Manchester Academy. So, what is my claim to fame then? Well, I'm a friend of a friend of a friend of the Grandmaster's, sort of... You see Jessica is a friend of Gareth's and Jessica works for my friend Nicola, so you see... we're almost best mates! aren't we? Anyway, I've got all the albums! So, I am Cool with a Capital C! If you get my drift! Who killed the bloody neighbours?
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Tit for tat!
THE PROPER SIX
I just want to say a BIG HELLO! to my six regular readers. I don't know who you are, but I do know that you exist. You see every week my counter thingy at the foot of this page tells me how many people have visited Proper Joe's. I think the record week was eighty-nine visits, and there's been some other good weeks and a couple of poor ones, but every week the regular six pop up - so, if you're reading this and you recognise yourself - get in touch! Leave a comment, send me an e-mail - read my other blogs!
RAW MEAT
Many of you know that Nicola has her own blogspot page where she publishes her monthly Newsletter, Raw Meat If you want a really good read and would like to check out her work-in-progress-novel which is actually part of a trilogy, simply clink the link! Nicola also has a website at: nicolabatty.co.uk which tells you all about her novels and other publications. She is a big Oscar Wilde fan and has recently had an article published in The Wildean.
GREEN GILBERT
I was speaking to Green Gilbert and he mentioned the Red Rose Forest and I said 'Where's that then?' And he said: "It's near Stretford Arndale!" Well, call me stupid but I've never seen a forest round that neck of the woods. Rubbish tips and the like abound, I thought to myself, thinking of the post industrial area. Green Gilbert was right of course and I was wrong, The little walk we went on last week-end was very pleasant and I will recommend it to you all here. We turned left off the main Chester Road out of Manchester at the car wash opposite Stretford Mall. We followed the street to the end and turned right. One hundred yards or so later we parked the car at the top of Hawthorn Lane and embarked upon a most delightful walk. The route, is linked to the Mersey Valley and there is access to the river at several points. It is actually quite close to other walks we've been on and mentioned in the blogisphere elsewhere. Anyway, thanks to Green Gilbert for introducing us to a little snippet of The Red Rose Forest and The Trans Pennine Trail! Amazing, to think that only minutes from the urban chaos, such a tranquil place exists! The country-side on our doorstep!
GOBSPLOT!
I don't know if you've had a chance to spend a few minutes over at Gobsplot.blogspot.com but you are very welcome to come and check out my Doktir Nairobi blog. I must warn you though that it's just me with a South American accent! blogging on about Nairobics! yawn...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY! 25/8
SAINT FAUSTINA 1905
When's your birthday? mine's on the twenty fifth of August along with some weird and wonderful characters. Did you know that not only Ludwig I of Bavaria but also Ludwig II was born on, you guessed it 25/8 the former in 1786 and Ludwig II in 1845. This week I'm going to introduce you to Faustyna Kowalska! born 25/8/1905. Who? Saint Faustina! The recently cannonised Polish saint. Don't forget if you share our birthday - let me know!
StraightTalkingStreetTalkingSweet...
SweetTalkingGuy...
On the really bad poetry/lyric blogs this week I've posted a folk style song that I wrote (according to my back of a bus ticket notes) in 1991. Anyway, the song is about a guy called Jon who ended up shining shoes on Waterloo railway station. I don't know where I got the original inspiration from but I guess it was something I read. Anyhow, you can take a look, if you want! The links are in the sidebar. Oh yeah, before I go, I must tell you that we had some fun performing last weeks really bad lyric: Canaletto! Everytime I said/sang 'Look how Canaletto I am?' I did a sort of sideways punting action. How daft's that? By the way if you want to sing Canaletto it works well to the Beatles tune obladeoblada life goes on! But think Marlon Brando! Canaletto = Macho!
MAY DAY !
Well regular readers will know that today is the start of my real diet! My quick weight loss has ended for ever and I now have to think before I eat. So, was the scheme successful? Yes, I achieved my target but I now know that the hard work is in front of me keeping the pounds at bay! Hopefully I will never have to mention weight/weight loss ever again. Hold on, you can buy my book! Only joking...
I just want to say a BIG HELLO! to my six regular readers. I don't know who you are, but I do know that you exist. You see every week my counter thingy at the foot of this page tells me how many people have visited Proper Joe's. I think the record week was eighty-nine visits, and there's been some other good weeks and a couple of poor ones, but every week the regular six pop up - so, if you're reading this and you recognise yourself - get in touch! Leave a comment, send me an e-mail - read my other blogs!
RAW MEAT
Many of you know that Nicola has her own blogspot page where she publishes her monthly Newsletter, Raw Meat If you want a really good read and would like to check out her work-in-progress-novel which is actually part of a trilogy, simply clink the link! Nicola also has a website at: nicolabatty.co.uk which tells you all about her novels and other publications. She is a big Oscar Wilde fan and has recently had an article published in The Wildean.
GREEN GILBERT
I was speaking to Green Gilbert and he mentioned the Red Rose Forest and I said 'Where's that then?' And he said: "It's near Stretford Arndale!" Well, call me stupid but I've never seen a forest round that neck of the woods. Rubbish tips and the like abound, I thought to myself, thinking of the post industrial area. Green Gilbert was right of course and I was wrong, The little walk we went on last week-end was very pleasant and I will recommend it to you all here. We turned left off the main Chester Road out of Manchester at the car wash opposite Stretford Mall. We followed the street to the end and turned right. One hundred yards or so later we parked the car at the top of Hawthorn Lane and embarked upon a most delightful walk. The route, is linked to the Mersey Valley and there is access to the river at several points. It is actually quite close to other walks we've been on and mentioned in the blogisphere elsewhere. Anyway, thanks to Green Gilbert for introducing us to a little snippet of The Red Rose Forest and The Trans Pennine Trail! Amazing, to think that only minutes from the urban chaos, such a tranquil place exists! The country-side on our doorstep!
GOBSPLOT!
I don't know if you've had a chance to spend a few minutes over at Gobsplot.blogspot.com but you are very welcome to come and check out my Doktir Nairobi blog. I must warn you though that it's just me with a South American accent! blogging on about Nairobics! yawn...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY! 25/8
SAINT FAUSTINA 1905
When's your birthday? mine's on the twenty fifth of August along with some weird and wonderful characters. Did you know that not only Ludwig I of Bavaria but also Ludwig II was born on, you guessed it 25/8 the former in 1786 and Ludwig II in 1845. This week I'm going to introduce you to Faustyna Kowalska! born 25/8/1905. Who? Saint Faustina! The recently cannonised Polish saint. Don't forget if you share our birthday - let me know!
StraightTalkingStreetTalkingSweet...
SweetTalkingGuy...
On the really bad poetry/lyric blogs this week I've posted a folk style song that I wrote (according to my back of a bus ticket notes) in 1991. Anyway, the song is about a guy called Jon who ended up shining shoes on Waterloo railway station. I don't know where I got the original inspiration from but I guess it was something I read. Anyhow, you can take a look, if you want! The links are in the sidebar. Oh yeah, before I go, I must tell you that we had some fun performing last weeks really bad lyric: Canaletto! Everytime I said/sang 'Look how Canaletto I am?' I did a sort of sideways punting action. How daft's that? By the way if you want to sing Canaletto it works well to the Beatles tune obladeoblada life goes on! But think Marlon Brando! Canaletto = Macho!
MAY DAY !
Well regular readers will know that today is the start of my real diet! My quick weight loss has ended for ever and I now have to think before I eat. So, was the scheme successful? Yes, I achieved my target but I now know that the hard work is in front of me keeping the pounds at bay! Hopefully I will never have to mention weight/weight loss ever again. Hold on, you can buy my book! Only joking...
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
About Time Too!
CCTV
It's gone really quiet on our street all of a sudden. Not before time , I might add. It can get pretty hectic in Moss Side especially in the summer time. We've had a few good days weatherwise lately and yes, everybodies been out on the streets enjoying the sunshine. Then, about the middle of last week - it all went quiet! Yes, there was a bit of a lull in the weather and we even got the odd April shower. But all of a sudden about Thursday last, people started to disappear from the streets. I'm not kidding you, there must be about one hundred regulars from Claremont Road alone, gone missing. Where have they all gone and more importantly why? Well, the only explanation I can offer is that last Wednesday, the local powers that be installed CCTV camera's in strategic places along the street. I went out this morning and had a look round - everywhere was still quiet. Then I saw one of the drug sellers, just out of camera alongside the wall of the pub. The shady (unlicensed) taxi's were there too. And the snide goods dealers, tucked just out of sight of the CCTV. I walked past the end of the side street and guess what? More of the usual suspects, were huddled together, leaning on some poor sod's car. Yes Ms Politician lady! You've managed to cut the CRIME figures - but only by moving the criminals into the side streets! And, only for NOW! 'Cos by the time that the local elections are over, everybody will have realised that there is no film in the camera's and everything will be back to normal!
SPEED BUMPS
I don't want to get too political - even though the local elections are just around the proverbial corner... But I must have a dig at the 2/8 (state) of the roads round here. In the fifteen years or so that we have lived here the road and pavements have never been recovered. They have been meddled with, for instance some idiot has planted little propergander sign-posts at the end of some of the side-streets - the problem is the place they have installed the scaffolding tube style signs is on the slopey bit where the pavements have been lowered for wheelchair access. How mad is that? And those speed bumps? They are the worst things! The traffic round here is MAD! But putting speed bumps on the street is Madder! Why? Because the Mad drivers actually speed up to go over the stupid things, resulting in more chaos. If any of the local candidates actually knock on my door this year, I'll guarantee my vote to the first one that promises to remove the blooming SPEED BUMPS!
GREEN GILBERT
We've got all sorts of green issues hounding us at the moment. We have a re-cycling collection man who comes every fortnight but most people don't leave anything out for him. We also have a wheelie bin collection every week, which is also a bit of a disaster. Most people don't take their bins back into their yards, they leave them out in the alley and then the kids come along and set fire to them or turn them over. They then become a health risk as rats and mice are attracted to the mess. Green Gilbert says: Wheelie bins in this area don't work! a) nobody wants them in their back yard because robers use them as scaffolding to break into their homes. b)The kids saw the wheels off them. So, what is the answer? Those skip type wheeled bins are beter than individual wheelie bins - what we need is a communal skip at the end of every alleyway.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!
JEFF TWEEDY
25/8/1967
Think Wilco, think Jeff Tweedy! The sometimes controversial lead singer of Wilco, Jeff Tweedy is our featured celebrity this week who just happens to have been born on my birthday. You can clink the link HERE to the Wikipedia site about him. I have looked at quite a few other sites including the Wilco site, but in the end I think this link will give you a clearer image of who Jeff Twedy is! Talking about birthdays it was Shakespeares birthday yesterday and also the aniversary of his death. Yesterday was of course also Saint George's day. The Patron saint of England.
StraightTalkingStreetTalkingSweet...
SweetTalkingGuy...
My really bad poetry blogs! What's happening is this! For some stupid reason, it looks like I'm going to lose StraightTalkingStreetTalkingSweet... so I set up SweetTalkingGuy... to continue my really daft/bad/some people say rubbish poetry. The thing is in the meantime I now have two poetry blogs, so each tuesday I now post my new poem/lyric to both! This weeks posting is a song called Canaletto, you can sing it yourself - any tune will do! I started off thinking sucu-sucu but it ended up a bit Beatleyish! Some of my fave canals in the world get a mention, so please do check it out!
GOBSPLOT!
Where do I get these names from? Anyway, Gobsplot is my Doktir Nairobi blog. Gobsplot is an anagram of Blogspot! And the blog is pretty much me blogging on about Nairobics! Nairobics? Some people say I invented it and that Doktir Nairobi is my alter ego! I really don't know where these people get their ideas from. I must say that I have been writing about Doktir Nairobi for a long time. I first tried writing Nairobics as a novel in the 1970's, I wrote over 30,000 words and ripped the manuscript up. I had met some christians in Jersey and they told me that Nairobics was from the devil and I was scared that I would lose my soul, so I destroyed it. In the 1980's I re-wrote it for a funzine publication. It recieved a lot of attention at the time, but I was never able to keep the momentum going. So, with more info than ever about Nairobics and Doktir Nairobi, I'm going to give it a final whirl as a web publication. You can clink the link HERE.
It's gone really quiet on our street all of a sudden. Not before time , I might add. It can get pretty hectic in Moss Side especially in the summer time. We've had a few good days weatherwise lately and yes, everybodies been out on the streets enjoying the sunshine. Then, about the middle of last week - it all went quiet! Yes, there was a bit of a lull in the weather and we even got the odd April shower. But all of a sudden about Thursday last, people started to disappear from the streets. I'm not kidding you, there must be about one hundred regulars from Claremont Road alone, gone missing. Where have they all gone and more importantly why? Well, the only explanation I can offer is that last Wednesday, the local powers that be installed CCTV camera's in strategic places along the street. I went out this morning and had a look round - everywhere was still quiet. Then I saw one of the drug sellers, just out of camera alongside the wall of the pub. The shady (unlicensed) taxi's were there too. And the snide goods dealers, tucked just out of sight of the CCTV. I walked past the end of the side street and guess what? More of the usual suspects, were huddled together, leaning on some poor sod's car. Yes Ms Politician lady! You've managed to cut the CRIME figures - but only by moving the criminals into the side streets! And, only for NOW! 'Cos by the time that the local elections are over, everybody will have realised that there is no film in the camera's and everything will be back to normal!
SPEED BUMPS
I don't want to get too political - even though the local elections are just around the proverbial corner... But I must have a dig at the 2/8 (state) of the roads round here. In the fifteen years or so that we have lived here the road and pavements have never been recovered. They have been meddled with, for instance some idiot has planted little propergander sign-posts at the end of some of the side-streets - the problem is the place they have installed the scaffolding tube style signs is on the slopey bit where the pavements have been lowered for wheelchair access. How mad is that? And those speed bumps? They are the worst things! The traffic round here is MAD! But putting speed bumps on the street is Madder! Why? Because the Mad drivers actually speed up to go over the stupid things, resulting in more chaos. If any of the local candidates actually knock on my door this year, I'll guarantee my vote to the first one that promises to remove the blooming SPEED BUMPS!
GREEN GILBERT
We've got all sorts of green issues hounding us at the moment. We have a re-cycling collection man who comes every fortnight but most people don't leave anything out for him. We also have a wheelie bin collection every week, which is also a bit of a disaster. Most people don't take their bins back into their yards, they leave them out in the alley and then the kids come along and set fire to them or turn them over. They then become a health risk as rats and mice are attracted to the mess. Green Gilbert says: Wheelie bins in this area don't work! a) nobody wants them in their back yard because robers use them as scaffolding to break into their homes. b)The kids saw the wheels off them. So, what is the answer? Those skip type wheeled bins are beter than individual wheelie bins - what we need is a communal skip at the end of every alleyway.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!
JEFF TWEEDY
25/8/1967
Think Wilco, think Jeff Tweedy! The sometimes controversial lead singer of Wilco, Jeff Tweedy is our featured celebrity this week who just happens to have been born on my birthday. You can clink the link HERE to the Wikipedia site about him. I have looked at quite a few other sites including the Wilco site, but in the end I think this link will give you a clearer image of who Jeff Twedy is! Talking about birthdays it was Shakespeares birthday yesterday and also the aniversary of his death. Yesterday was of course also Saint George's day. The Patron saint of England.
StraightTalkingStreetTalkingSweet...
SweetTalkingGuy...
My really bad poetry blogs! What's happening is this! For some stupid reason, it looks like I'm going to lose StraightTalkingStreetTalkingSweet... so I set up SweetTalkingGuy... to continue my really daft/bad/some people say rubbish poetry. The thing is in the meantime I now have two poetry blogs, so each tuesday I now post my new poem/lyric to both! This weeks posting is a song called Canaletto, you can sing it yourself - any tune will do! I started off thinking sucu-sucu but it ended up a bit Beatleyish! Some of my fave canals in the world get a mention, so please do check it out!
GOBSPLOT!
Where do I get these names from? Anyway, Gobsplot is my Doktir Nairobi blog. Gobsplot is an anagram of Blogspot! And the blog is pretty much me blogging on about Nairobics! Nairobics? Some people say I invented it and that Doktir Nairobi is my alter ego! I really don't know where these people get their ideas from. I must say that I have been writing about Doktir Nairobi for a long time. I first tried writing Nairobics as a novel in the 1970's, I wrote over 30,000 words and ripped the manuscript up. I had met some christians in Jersey and they told me that Nairobics was from the devil and I was scared that I would lose my soul, so I destroyed it. In the 1980's I re-wrote it for a funzine publication. It recieved a lot of attention at the time, but I was never able to keep the momentum going. So, with more info than ever about Nairobics and Doktir Nairobi, I'm going to give it a final whirl as a web publication. You can clink the link HERE.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Madder + madder...
MYSTERY SHOPPER #1
Jack wanted a new basketball vest this week and I remember the palaver last time he bought one about three years or so ago. Well, the bottom line is that nothing much has changed. You go in the sports shop and you ask the assistant where the basketball shirts/vests are and he/she looks at you as if you're daft. In the third high street shop/chain we tried we actually found that they had one. The one they had was an extra large size and really should have been tagged FM as it was flaming massive to put it politely. Back home we checked the weired web for basketball vests, yes they existed - but at a big price. The one Jack wanted cost over £100.00 So, it was back to the high street we went. We eventually found and purchased two different vests, one at JD SPORTS and one at SOCCER SPORTS they were both reasonably priced and marked down in the sales.
MYSTERY SHOPPER#2
I was reading about some mad security guards in some daft supermarket somewhere the other day and they (the security guards) had taken to wearing stab proof jackets for some reason best known to themselves. Then the very next day at Nantwich Cheshire I stopped for a lottery ticket at the Morrisons store and there were these crazy little security men with daft prison style uniforms on. I bought my lottery ticket as fast as I could and left the store - Mr Morrison, I'm sorry I won't be shopping at your store no more, the prison guards are the final straw, just one more reason not to shop at Morrison's no more!
EAT-ON-DEMAND #1
The big story this week is the news that the fat gene has been discovered! Apparently if you have two copies of the gene you are twice as likely to be overweight as people who only have one copy! Of course if you're really slim you probably don't possess a copy of the gene anyway. The logic behind this research project is phat and it gets even phatter. How can you tell how many copies of the gene you might possess? Answer: Take a look at your parents, if one parent is overweight, then you're 40% likely to get fat yourself, as you will more than likely only have one copy of the fat gene. If however, both of your parents are overweight, then you stand an 80% chance of following them, as you will almost definately have two copies of the fat gene. Me? I just looked in my wardrobe and dug out two pairs of fat jeans, the first was 36inch waist + the second 34inch waist. I slung them in the freecycle skip, I never want to be THAT FAT again! In fact, if I go above 32inch waist, I'll just eat less + do more exercise. Fat gene or not!
EAT-ON-DEMAND #2
How's the non-diet doing? Fine thanks, it's not doing anymore though, it's done! I'm now on the real diet, where I have to watch what I eat and when I eat. The problem I have found this last week is that temptation is everywhere! Cakes and biscuits, smelly cheeses, high-calorie sauces, junk food, processed foods, ready meals, pizza, pasta + potatoes. The list goes on into infinity. The trick is, eat less! Exercise more! Many fat people myself included, don't realise that exercise gives you the same buzz as comfort eating but has the opposite effect. One great diet guru said: It's not the fat that makes you fat - it's eating it! Anyhow, temptation aside, I'm enjoying eating salads and fruit and vegetables, brown bread and hi-fibre cereals. Tomorrow I'm going to make lentils - you can cook them in a pressure cooker in just 12 minutes. The other tip, I'll share with you today is humus, you can make it yourself with very little olive oil + leave out the tahini for a low calorie version. The raw garlic is good for you too!
SweetTalkingGuy...
Stay away from him! At your peril! SweetTalkingGuy is the name of my all new pub-poetry blog and you can clink the link HERE. The thing is, it's not really any different to my old very bad poetry blog STSTS and the two of them are up and running now alongside each other for the time being. So, why the new blog? Well, the stupid thing about STSTS is its URL, It's going to be taken off me sooner or later for legal reasons that I can't reveal on these pages. So, SweetTalkingGuy is really just a way of moving all my archive poetry before the balloon goes up! D'yer get it?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY 25/8
ALLAN PINKERTON
Don't forget if your birthday is on 25/8 you are one of a select few - in fact I'd go as far as to say you are one of the greats - and that's without even meeting you! Seriously now though, if your birthday does fall on the twenty fifth day of August please write in and let me know. And if you want, I'll give you a BIG write-up on this blog. By the way my e-mail address is in my full profile and you can clink the link to it in the right hand sidebar. Anyway, this tuesday we're going for a very different kind of person to the usual rock/pop/country/actor/writer types. Yes on 25/8 this week, I present Allan Pinkerton! You know, Allan Pinkerton of the Pinkerton agency! Everybody's heard of him! Haven't they? So, Allan Pinkerton 1819 clink the link.
Jack wanted a new basketball vest this week and I remember the palaver last time he bought one about three years or so ago. Well, the bottom line is that nothing much has changed. You go in the sports shop and you ask the assistant where the basketball shirts/vests are and he/she looks at you as if you're daft. In the third high street shop/chain we tried we actually found that they had one. The one they had was an extra large size and really should have been tagged FM as it was flaming massive to put it politely. Back home we checked the weired web for basketball vests, yes they existed - but at a big price. The one Jack wanted cost over £100.00 So, it was back to the high street we went. We eventually found and purchased two different vests, one at JD SPORTS and one at SOCCER SPORTS they were both reasonably priced and marked down in the sales.
MYSTERY SHOPPER#2
I was reading about some mad security guards in some daft supermarket somewhere the other day and they (the security guards) had taken to wearing stab proof jackets for some reason best known to themselves. Then the very next day at Nantwich Cheshire I stopped for a lottery ticket at the Morrisons store and there were these crazy little security men with daft prison style uniforms on. I bought my lottery ticket as fast as I could and left the store - Mr Morrison, I'm sorry I won't be shopping at your store no more, the prison guards are the final straw, just one more reason not to shop at Morrison's no more!
EAT-ON-DEMAND #1
The big story this week is the news that the fat gene has been discovered! Apparently if you have two copies of the gene you are twice as likely to be overweight as people who only have one copy! Of course if you're really slim you probably don't possess a copy of the gene anyway. The logic behind this research project is phat and it gets even phatter. How can you tell how many copies of the gene you might possess? Answer: Take a look at your parents, if one parent is overweight, then you're 40% likely to get fat yourself, as you will more than likely only have one copy of the fat gene. If however, both of your parents are overweight, then you stand an 80% chance of following them, as you will almost definately have two copies of the fat gene. Me? I just looked in my wardrobe and dug out two pairs of fat jeans, the first was 36inch waist + the second 34inch waist. I slung them in the freecycle skip, I never want to be THAT FAT again! In fact, if I go above 32inch waist, I'll just eat less + do more exercise. Fat gene or not!
EAT-ON-DEMAND #2
How's the non-diet doing? Fine thanks, it's not doing anymore though, it's done! I'm now on the real diet, where I have to watch what I eat and when I eat. The problem I have found this last week is that temptation is everywhere! Cakes and biscuits, smelly cheeses, high-calorie sauces, junk food, processed foods, ready meals, pizza, pasta + potatoes. The list goes on into infinity. The trick is, eat less! Exercise more! Many fat people myself included, don't realise that exercise gives you the same buzz as comfort eating but has the opposite effect. One great diet guru said: It's not the fat that makes you fat - it's eating it! Anyhow, temptation aside, I'm enjoying eating salads and fruit and vegetables, brown bread and hi-fibre cereals. Tomorrow I'm going to make lentils - you can cook them in a pressure cooker in just 12 minutes. The other tip, I'll share with you today is humus, you can make it yourself with very little olive oil + leave out the tahini for a low calorie version. The raw garlic is good for you too!
SweetTalkingGuy...
Stay away from him! At your peril! SweetTalkingGuy is the name of my all new pub-poetry blog and you can clink the link HERE. The thing is, it's not really any different to my old very bad poetry blog STSTS and the two of them are up and running now alongside each other for the time being. So, why the new blog? Well, the stupid thing about STSTS is its URL, It's going to be taken off me sooner or later for legal reasons that I can't reveal on these pages. So, SweetTalkingGuy is really just a way of moving all my archive poetry before the balloon goes up! D'yer get it?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY 25/8
ALLAN PINKERTON
Don't forget if your birthday is on 25/8 you are one of a select few - in fact I'd go as far as to say you are one of the greats - and that's without even meeting you! Seriously now though, if your birthday does fall on the twenty fifth day of August please write in and let me know. And if you want, I'll give you a BIG write-up on this blog. By the way my e-mail address is in my full profile and you can clink the link to it in the right hand sidebar. Anyway, this tuesday we're going for a very different kind of person to the usual rock/pop/country/actor/writer types. Yes on 25/8 this week, I present Allan Pinkerton! You know, Allan Pinkerton of the Pinkerton agency! Everybody's heard of him! Haven't they? So, Allan Pinkerton 1819 clink the link.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Easter tour..
PLYMOUTH SOUND
Nic, Jack + I went down to the beautiful city of Plymouth for the Easter weekend. Nic's cousin Karen got married to Shane. It was a beautiful sunny day and the picture postcard view from the hotel was magnificent. I really like being by the sea and the view across the bay of Plymouth Sound must be one of the most beautiful in Britain. The only thing I don't like about Plymouth is the steep hills. Pushing Ziggy can be murder, especially when the streets are cobbled as well. Fortunately for us, on this trip, the going was easy. We stayed at a hotel on Plymouth Hoe which was quite close to the one where the wedding was being held. In the morning before the wedding we went for a little walk around the Barbican - we saw the Mayflower Steps, where the Pilgram Fathers boarded the Mayflower to set sail for America all those years ago. I spoke to a guy, who was driving a touristy tuk-tuk sightseeing thing. I asked him if it had an electric motor? No, he replied, It's got a 350 something or other! Get an electric one! I said.
FOOTBALLING
It looks like City are staying put in the Premiership, after reaching the magical 40 point mark yesterday. They beat the London side Fulham 3-1 in the capital, with a goal each from Barton, Beasley and Vassell. Of course forty points may not be enough to stave off relegation but most people I've spoken to today think that it'll be enough. That red across the road didn't say anything though - I mean he couldn't say much - could he! Uni-ted having been beaten by lowly Portsmouth very recently. The title race is wide open again, Chelsea being only three points adrift now and having played the same number of games as the reds.
EAT-ON-DEMAND
This is week ten and I've blown-it! Well, not quite! Although, I took the week-end off to go the wedding and I'm still eating vegetables and cereal and other food apart from MEAT, EGGS + FISH, I must tell you that I'm not over-eating, or feeling hungry and I'm not going mad! What I am doing though, is monitoring the situation and if I feel it is neccessary, then I will go back on the rapid reduction technique for a further two weeks - but not going beyond my target finish date of May Day. Come what may, May Day is when the real diet starts. By that, I mean that from the first of May 2007 I will have to be very careful about what I eat and what I don't eat. One thing I intend to continue to do is to keep on drinking the water! Each day I need at least 4 pints of the nectar, just to stay alive! But it's not just me - Everybody needs to drink this amount of water, every day + the 4 pint amount is just for starters, what we really ought to be drinking in addition is a like for like amount for every cup of tea + coffee and for each glass of juice, cola, alchol etc. Dream On!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY
BILLY RAY CYRUS
25/8/1961
Proper Joe or what? Billy Ray Cyrus, famous for his mullett hair style and for his big hit Achy breaky heart, has a new album out I'm told called Wanna be your Joe! Do you? Well, alright then, I guess thats ok! Sounds more like a Lou Reed kind of title than a Country thing to me. But you can't help liking Achy breaky, can you? I know that I can't. What I didn't know at the time was that Billy Ray shared my birthday - but that didn't stop me buying the tune. I was just reading on the weird web that Achy breaky was voted the worst song ever by one pop magazine in 2004 - there's no accounting for tastes is there! Anyhow, what do I know? You can check out Billy Ray Cyrus HERE.
StraightTalkingStreetTalkingSweet..
In my really bad poetry and even worse song lyric blog STSTS last week, I posted the daft lyrics to a song I said was called Cricket Bat! Well, guess what? It's not! Called Cricket Bat! It's not even about a cricket bat and I don't even know why I told you it was, apart from the fact that I didn't have a written down version of the song and had to re-create it from memory. Well, my memory came back to me half way through the week and I now remember that it was called Tennis bat! Not only did I get the title completely wrong, I also missed out a crucial part of the lyric - I see you've got yerself a one string thing! It makes a racket + it cost a packet! But if yer wanna make that rot-box swing! So, to cut a long story short I'm gonna change it today! What I don't know though is what will be on offer this week! Well, I guess you'll just have to check it out for yourself! HERE.
Nic, Jack + I went down to the beautiful city of Plymouth for the Easter weekend. Nic's cousin Karen got married to Shane. It was a beautiful sunny day and the picture postcard view from the hotel was magnificent. I really like being by the sea and the view across the bay of Plymouth Sound must be one of the most beautiful in Britain. The only thing I don't like about Plymouth is the steep hills. Pushing Ziggy can be murder, especially when the streets are cobbled as well. Fortunately for us, on this trip, the going was easy. We stayed at a hotel on Plymouth Hoe which was quite close to the one where the wedding was being held. In the morning before the wedding we went for a little walk around the Barbican - we saw the Mayflower Steps, where the Pilgram Fathers boarded the Mayflower to set sail for America all those years ago. I spoke to a guy, who was driving a touristy tuk-tuk sightseeing thing. I asked him if it had an electric motor? No, he replied, It's got a 350 something or other! Get an electric one! I said.
FOOTBALLING
It looks like City are staying put in the Premiership, after reaching the magical 40 point mark yesterday. They beat the London side Fulham 3-1 in the capital, with a goal each from Barton, Beasley and Vassell. Of course forty points may not be enough to stave off relegation but most people I've spoken to today think that it'll be enough. That red across the road didn't say anything though - I mean he couldn't say much - could he! Uni-ted having been beaten by lowly Portsmouth very recently. The title race is wide open again, Chelsea being only three points adrift now and having played the same number of games as the reds.
EAT-ON-DEMAND
This is week ten and I've blown-it! Well, not quite! Although, I took the week-end off to go the wedding and I'm still eating vegetables and cereal and other food apart from MEAT, EGGS + FISH, I must tell you that I'm not over-eating, or feeling hungry and I'm not going mad! What I am doing though, is monitoring the situation and if I feel it is neccessary, then I will go back on the rapid reduction technique for a further two weeks - but not going beyond my target finish date of May Day. Come what may, May Day is when the real diet starts. By that, I mean that from the first of May 2007 I will have to be very careful about what I eat and what I don't eat. One thing I intend to continue to do is to keep on drinking the water! Each day I need at least 4 pints of the nectar, just to stay alive! But it's not just me - Everybody needs to drink this amount of water, every day + the 4 pint amount is just for starters, what we really ought to be drinking in addition is a like for like amount for every cup of tea + coffee and for each glass of juice, cola, alchol etc. Dream On!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY
BILLY RAY CYRUS
25/8/1961
Proper Joe or what? Billy Ray Cyrus, famous for his mullett hair style and for his big hit Achy breaky heart, has a new album out I'm told called Wanna be your Joe! Do you? Well, alright then, I guess thats ok! Sounds more like a Lou Reed kind of title than a Country thing to me. But you can't help liking Achy breaky, can you? I know that I can't. What I didn't know at the time was that Billy Ray shared my birthday - but that didn't stop me buying the tune. I was just reading on the weird web that Achy breaky was voted the worst song ever by one pop magazine in 2004 - there's no accounting for tastes is there! Anyhow, what do I know? You can check out Billy Ray Cyrus HERE.
StraightTalkingStreetTalkingSweet..
In my really bad poetry and even worse song lyric blog STSTS last week, I posted the daft lyrics to a song I said was called Cricket Bat! Well, guess what? It's not! Called Cricket Bat! It's not even about a cricket bat and I don't even know why I told you it was, apart from the fact that I didn't have a written down version of the song and had to re-create it from memory. Well, my memory came back to me half way through the week and I now remember that it was called Tennis bat! Not only did I get the title completely wrong, I also missed out a crucial part of the lyric - I see you've got yerself a one string thing! It makes a racket + it cost a packet! But if yer wanna make that rot-box swing! So, to cut a long story short I'm gonna change it today! What I don't know though is what will be on offer this week! Well, I guess you'll just have to check it out for yourself! HERE.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Mark my words...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY
ROB HALFORD
(AND THEIRS TOO)
I've got some new people to add to the 25/8 list this week. As you'll know by now, if you've been reading this blog recently, that I'm doing a thing about people who share my birthday - August 25th. Anyway, the latest recruits are as follows: John Badham 1939 Film Director Saturday Night Fever. Ludwig II 1845 mad king of Bavaria. Shock G 1963 Rapper. Ivan the Terrible 1530 Russian Tsar. Jeff Tweedy 1967 singer/songwriter Lead singer of Wilco. Tom Skerrit 1933 Actor. Allan Pinkerton 1819 North Western Police Agency Founder (US). Walt Kelly 1913 cartoonist (US). And Rob Halford who was born in Birmingham, Rob is of course that man from Judas Priest, if you want to find out more about him and his evergreen career you can clink the link HERE.
And don't forget! If you share the same birthday as the above mentioned - Please write to me and I'll post your story on this blog!!!
FOOTBALLING
If you can't play football -
just pick up the ball + run!
Shouting Uni-ted! round here is akin to swearing, perhaps worse, maybe these days you can actually be arrested/locked up for mouthing the offensive words. In Manchester, where I live and the city of my birth, there are two great football teams! City and City reserves! We are the Mancunians, The Blues! We play at The City of Manchester Stadium. There are other football clubs around the area including Stockport County, Bury FC, Oldham Athletic, Wigan Athletic, Altrincham Town, Timperley Bigshorts, Stalybridge Celtic and Bolton Wanderers. For the most part they are in walking distance of this keyboard, the rest I can cycle to if I had to. Then, there are the Destination Football grounds like Wembley Stadium 180 miles south of here and of course our near neighbour, situated just outside the city of Manchester boundary at Old Trafford is the Theatre of Dreams - Gold Trafford, where Manchester Uni-ted play to capacity crowds on a regular basis. However, I have only ever been there a handful of times, when my team City have been playing there. I am certainly not a supporter. However, a certain red rag blog has listed me as a new member, apparently because I mentioned that City had been knocked out of the FA cup a couple of weeks back. Well, thanks anyway, Manchester United Unofficial Supporters Thingy, for giving Properjoe's a link - but, please rescind my membership forthwith as it is a teeny-weeny-itsy-bitsy-diddy-bit EMBARRASSING!
StraightTalkingStreetTalkingSweet..
This week on my really bad poetry and even worse song lyrics blog STSTS.. I have posted the words to my daft performance piece entitled My Two String Violin! If you really want to sing along to it you just need to think Cliff Richard! Go and take a butchers and don't laugh at the mad photo on the previous posting. Anyway, I actually performed this piece at a community centre in Levenshulme, a few years ago. I've been looking at all the venues that Performance Poets can go to these days and it's pretty impressive. I really need to get out a bit more often myself, I'd love to do some of my newer stuff, someplace soon! I'll keep you posted. On the publishing front, I have news of two new publications for you. Suzanne Batty - twin sister to my Nicola, has her new Poetry Collection title listed on Amazon, you can order a copy! It's called The Barking Thing. Nicola herself, also has a new publication out this week, 50 Bites! which is a compilation of the first fifty editorials from her monthly Newsletter Raw Meat..
EAT-ON-DEMAND
Week nine and all is going well. I had hoped that eight weeks would be enough of this mad non-diet but unfortunately it's NOT! It looks like I'll have to go the full twelve weeks that I set aside, to reach my target weight. So, week nine and this crazy eating plan is getting easier by the day. Sometimes I really have to force myself to eat. Most mornings, I completely forget about food and find myself distracted by the jobs I am obliged to do. It is often noon or one pm when I have my first bite of the day. Othertimes I do feel peckish, mainly in the evenings after everybody else has eaten. The nature of this non-diet, allows me to eat when I like. It truely is an eat-on-demand-program! One thing I always make sure that I do, is to drink my four pints (min) of water every day. If I even miss one pint, I usually wake up in the night feeling really dehydrated. Water, really is, it seems, the kill or cure all commodity, in this life.
BIKE BITS, ZIGGY BIKE
I still want to build/buy a proper Ziggy bike so I/we can take Nic out cycling with us. Nic is confined to a wheelchair and she calls her wheelchair Ziggy. Hence the name Ziggy bike! I have figured out a basic design and now just need a donor mountain bike and a spare front wheel and a couple of lengths of threaded steel to attach the front forks of the mountain bike to the back of a Ziggy. Oh yes, that's the other thing I need a basic wheelchair that I can convert for the purpose. I am hopeful of finding most/all of the bike bits and the Ziggy on my local FreeCycle. However, if anybody does have a spare Ziggy bike for sale, I would certainly consider buying it!
FINALLY
THE MYSTERY SHOPPER!
I used to do a column called Consumer Girl! Where I used to beef about the price of cheese and complain about the state of the nations chip shops and stuff. Well Mystery Shopper is a bit more of the same old tripe, if you get my drift? I get really mad sometimes when illogical/irrational things occur in retail premises. For example, I was in my local Asda supermarket today and I needed a new strap for my watch. I went to the jewelery counter where I had previously purchased my watch from and asked the nice lady if I could see the watch straps Please? Sorry, said the nice lady, we don't sell watch straps! But you sell watches! I said. Oh yes, she replied, but we don't sell watch straps. That's crazy, I said, What do you do if you break your watch strap? You have to buy a new watch, said the nice lady. But the watch is fine, I just need a new strap for it! I told her again, but it was like talking to someone who couldn't hear. How mad is that? Surely if the jewelery section was a stand alone business it would be bankrupt by now! You can't treat paying customers like idiots! Wake up! Asda! You've just been blogged by The Mystery Shopper!
ROB HALFORD
(AND THEIRS TOO)
I've got some new people to add to the 25/8 list this week. As you'll know by now, if you've been reading this blog recently, that I'm doing a thing about people who share my birthday - August 25th. Anyway, the latest recruits are as follows: John Badham 1939 Film Director Saturday Night Fever. Ludwig II 1845 mad king of Bavaria. Shock G 1963 Rapper. Ivan the Terrible 1530 Russian Tsar. Jeff Tweedy 1967 singer/songwriter Lead singer of Wilco. Tom Skerrit 1933 Actor. Allan Pinkerton 1819 North Western Police Agency Founder (US). Walt Kelly 1913 cartoonist (US). And Rob Halford who was born in Birmingham, Rob is of course that man from Judas Priest, if you want to find out more about him and his evergreen career you can clink the link HERE.
And don't forget! If you share the same birthday as the above mentioned - Please write to me and I'll post your story on this blog!!!
FOOTBALLING
If you can't play football -
just pick up the ball + run!
Shouting Uni-ted! round here is akin to swearing, perhaps worse, maybe these days you can actually be arrested/locked up for mouthing the offensive words. In Manchester, where I live and the city of my birth, there are two great football teams! City and City reserves! We are the Mancunians, The Blues! We play at The City of Manchester Stadium. There are other football clubs around the area including Stockport County, Bury FC, Oldham Athletic, Wigan Athletic, Altrincham Town, Timperley Bigshorts, Stalybridge Celtic and Bolton Wanderers. For the most part they are in walking distance of this keyboard, the rest I can cycle to if I had to. Then, there are the Destination Football grounds like Wembley Stadium 180 miles south of here and of course our near neighbour, situated just outside the city of Manchester boundary at Old Trafford is the Theatre of Dreams - Gold Trafford, where Manchester Uni-ted play to capacity crowds on a regular basis. However, I have only ever been there a handful of times, when my team City have been playing there. I am certainly not a supporter. However, a certain red rag blog has listed me as a new member, apparently because I mentioned that City had been knocked out of the FA cup a couple of weeks back. Well, thanks anyway, Manchester United Unofficial Supporters Thingy, for giving Properjoe's a link - but, please rescind my membership forthwith as it is a teeny-weeny-itsy-bitsy-diddy-bit EMBARRASSING!
StraightTalkingStreetTalkingSweet..
This week on my really bad poetry and even worse song lyrics blog STSTS.. I have posted the words to my daft performance piece entitled My Two String Violin! If you really want to sing along to it you just need to think Cliff Richard! Go and take a butchers and don't laugh at the mad photo on the previous posting. Anyway, I actually performed this piece at a community centre in Levenshulme, a few years ago. I've been looking at all the venues that Performance Poets can go to these days and it's pretty impressive. I really need to get out a bit more often myself, I'd love to do some of my newer stuff, someplace soon! I'll keep you posted. On the publishing front, I have news of two new publications for you. Suzanne Batty - twin sister to my Nicola, has her new Poetry Collection title listed on Amazon, you can order a copy! It's called The Barking Thing. Nicola herself, also has a new publication out this week, 50 Bites! which is a compilation of the first fifty editorials from her monthly Newsletter Raw Meat..
EAT-ON-DEMAND
Week nine and all is going well. I had hoped that eight weeks would be enough of this mad non-diet but unfortunately it's NOT! It looks like I'll have to go the full twelve weeks that I set aside, to reach my target weight. So, week nine and this crazy eating plan is getting easier by the day. Sometimes I really have to force myself to eat. Most mornings, I completely forget about food and find myself distracted by the jobs I am obliged to do. It is often noon or one pm when I have my first bite of the day. Othertimes I do feel peckish, mainly in the evenings after everybody else has eaten. The nature of this non-diet, allows me to eat when I like. It truely is an eat-on-demand-program! One thing I always make sure that I do, is to drink my four pints (min) of water every day. If I even miss one pint, I usually wake up in the night feeling really dehydrated. Water, really is, it seems, the kill or cure all commodity, in this life.
BIKE BITS, ZIGGY BIKE
I still want to build/buy a proper Ziggy bike so I/we can take Nic out cycling with us. Nic is confined to a wheelchair and she calls her wheelchair Ziggy. Hence the name Ziggy bike! I have figured out a basic design and now just need a donor mountain bike and a spare front wheel and a couple of lengths of threaded steel to attach the front forks of the mountain bike to the back of a Ziggy. Oh yes, that's the other thing I need a basic wheelchair that I can convert for the purpose. I am hopeful of finding most/all of the bike bits and the Ziggy on my local FreeCycle. However, if anybody does have a spare Ziggy bike for sale, I would certainly consider buying it!
FINALLY
THE MYSTERY SHOPPER!
I used to do a column called Consumer Girl! Where I used to beef about the price of cheese and complain about the state of the nations chip shops and stuff. Well Mystery Shopper is a bit more of the same old tripe, if you get my drift? I get really mad sometimes when illogical/irrational things occur in retail premises. For example, I was in my local Asda supermarket today and I needed a new strap for my watch. I went to the jewelery counter where I had previously purchased my watch from and asked the nice lady if I could see the watch straps Please? Sorry, said the nice lady, we don't sell watch straps! But you sell watches! I said. Oh yes, she replied, but we don't sell watch straps. That's crazy, I said, What do you do if you break your watch strap? You have to buy a new watch, said the nice lady. But the watch is fine, I just need a new strap for it! I told her again, but it was like talking to someone who couldn't hear. How mad is that? Surely if the jewelery section was a stand alone business it would be bankrupt by now! You can't treat paying customers like idiots! Wake up! Asda! You've just been blogged by The Mystery Shopper!
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Onwards + Upwards...
BIKE BITS, BACK-YARD BLUES!It's great! It's Fantastic! It's Rapid! And it's a show stopper!
My home-made-extra-cycle is on the road. I've been out and about on the extended bike this week and it has turned heads everywhere I've been. A lot of people think it is some kind of tandem, others tell me it's crazy! But everyone agrees, they havn't seen anything quite like it before. Well, I have to say that I didn't invent it. Credit where credit is due, the good ol' boys at Xtracycle.com should get all the applause! If, and I hope you do, want to find out about this great thing I'm blogging on about! You should clink the link above and take a look at the wonderful slideshow the Xtracycle people have put together. I also, have had lots of photos taken of me riding my back-yard-special-home-made-extra-cycle.
FREECYCLE
I've been monitoring the FreeCycle mailings this past week and there's been some good things given away. I got in on the act myself after recieving a pc monitor, as mentioned last week. So, when a young girl came knocking on my door this week asking if I had an old radio she could listen to, I was only too happy to oblige and presented her with a working radio/cassette/cd player. The next thing I had the pleasure of giving away was a hand made bookcase, which was badly in need of a coat of paint and you guessed it, a new home. The third and final item on my gift list this week was a pair of Buzz Lightyear curtains, the young lady who took them away informed me that she intended to recycle them into a pair of matching Ra Ra skirts.
StraightTalkingStreetTalkingSweet..
It's been a good week on the poetry front! As regular readers of this blog and STSTS.. already know, I have linked to a performance poetry web site called Write Out Loud! I put my profile on their site last week and this week I managed to upload a photo of me performing in a funny hat. So, if (and you really don't want to do this!) you want to see what I look like, you can clink the link in the right hand side bar or PRESS HERE. When you reach the Write Out Loud page you need to click on Poets' Showcase then click on Andy Sewina aka Danny Wise and you'll see my profile and something you wished you hadn't. Anyhow, on STSTS.. this week I have placed/posted two new poems. One is a love poem! Are you sure? Of course I'm sure, it's a love poem to my secret lover! She knows who she is! Don't you? Even I'm getting confused now! But a poem is a poem is a poem is a poem! Isn't it? Poetic licence, and all that jazz! The second poem is an off-the-wall advert kind of affair, almost a 'found poem' only I made it up, back in the days when I was writing one or two song lyrics a day. I thought, 'If I could just play that guitar, that's gathering dust in the corner...'
TECHNO WHAT?
Techno overload! seems to be the order of the day, I managed to load-up/post a photo on one site, as mentioned earlier, then when I attempted to add one to my blogger profile the whole techno what? thing went mad! Resulting in me having to create this blog in aol as opposed to Mozilla Firefox as I usually do. So, if Proper Joe's looks a bit different this tuesday, it's probably because it is! This photo thing is really getting to me now! It was so easy to send a photo to Write Out Loud and so impossible to do the same thing at blogger! I really don't know where I went wrong, so I guess I'll try again in a few days time. Watch this space!
GREEN GILBERT
Andy Gilbert came to my house today (not the Leicestershire business man) with three bags of horse manure! How green's that? Not only did he supply the muck, he also dug it into my front garden for me! He didn't stop there, No, Andy Gilbert is really green, so green that everybody who knows him, calls him Green Gilbert! He then planted some rosemary that he had grown from his own cuttings and he followed that up with a gladioli plant that he had drained himself. Next, he cut back my roses with his special seceteurs and finally he brushed up all the mess he had made on the path! Leaving me to say a GREAT BIG Thank-You! To Mister Green Gilbert!
EAT-ON-DEMAND
How's the On-demand-non-diet going then? Just trundling along, I say. This is my eighth week, having completed seven weeks by last monday morning. It's not difficult to continue, in fact it is quite easy, perhaps too easy, I think sometimes. I was reading about some of the London fashion models and how they think that they need to be wafer thin/slim, American size zero, to be allowed onto the catwalk. Some of these girls, and they are just girls, teenagers for the most part, literally starve themselves to capture the look! The worrying thing I read was that some of them are on a very similar eating order/disorder to me. I am taking high-protiens and little else and the weight/pounds falls off. My plan is to lose the weight first - then go on the diet! The diet, of course, will be my new eating regime, that I will embark upon after May Day when I have reached my target weight. The worrying thing about the girls was that, they're at the same place as me now, i.e they don't feel hungry anymore because all that protien acts like some kind of hunger suppressant. The difference with me, is that I can/will stop, when I reach my target. The poor model girls can't/won't, if they want to keep working.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!
(FREDERIC FORSYTH)
Remember the book and the filum, The Day of The Jackal? Or how about The Odessa File? Or perhaps The Forth Protocol? Well all of the above and many many more thrillers were written by, you guessed it? Frederic Forsyth. The author, and I'm told, controversial journalist, was born on, you're right again, August 25 1938. Frederic Forsyth has won the Edgar Allan Poe Award on more than one occasion. You can find out more about him on this Dutch website or you can clink the link in the side-bar. Don't forget, if you share the same birthday, Aug25, as Frederic Forsyth and I do, you can either leave a comment at the bottom of this post or you can e-mail me at: properjoes@aol.com and I'll give you a BIG write-up on this blogspot!
FINALLY
It's late at night, my eyes are red, it's time for me, to go to bed! So, what's been happening in Manchester this week? Well, Nic and I got to go to a party in Chorlton-cum-Hardy, it was in memory of our writer friend Eric Topp, who sadly died five years ago aged only 34. It was a somewhat nostalgic night as there were friends/writers there who we hadn't seen for a long time.
Later.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Come What May!...
FREECYCLE
I mentioned that I had joined Manchester Free Cycle a couple of weeks ago on this blog! Well today I made my first acquisition, a computer monitor. I had noticed that quite a few old crt screens are being given away as people upgrade to the newer flat-screen technology. I found that I needed a moniter as I have two very old computers, both inherited, that I now need to recover information from as I am compiling a book for Nicola entitled Fifty Bites! No, it's not a vampire novel or anything of that ilk. It is quite simply a collection of the first fifty editorials from her monthly Newsletter Raw Meat. So, a very BIG thank-you to the kind man who donated the crt monitor that will make this project a whole lot easier. And oh yes! if you want to get some FREE stuff why don't you check out your local free cycle? You can clink the link to Manchester Free Cycle here!
StraightTalkingStreetTalkingSweet..
So, what's new on the STSTS.. blog this Tuesday? This week I have posted the title poem from my Salford collection, it's called Cowardy custards. It is an observational true-life portrait of a gang of little kids on Salford Ski Slope. (Bet not many people know about that.) Also, this week I have linked to WriteOutLoud which is a belting site promoting performance poetry. They very generously agreed to accept my profile and have listed me on their great site. I have had some photo's taken and guess what? I'm going to post them as soon as poss not only on WriteOutLoud but also on STSTS! So, if you really wanna know what I look like...
BIKE-BITS, THIS+THAT!
Well, I've had a really good week on the cycling front, I haven't located a Ziggy Bike yet but I have built (almost!) my own version of the American xtracycle. I put it together from a couple of old cycles I bought for bobbins when I was a member of Manchester Lets. In case you don't know Lets stands for Local Exchange Trading System and bobbins and threads were the currency that the Manchester Lets people traded in. I bought two cycles from another member about ten years ago, a gents sports bike for myself and a ladies racer for Nic's live-in helper. Anyhow, I sawed the ladies bike in half and stripped everything off the frame. I then inserted a wheel axel in the bottom bracket and bolted it up tight between the rear drop-outs of the mens frame, after removing the back wheel, of course. I then put the back wheel onto the bolt-on bit of the ladies frame and BINGO! I had my very own extra cycle! Well? Not quite, there was a little more to do, like extending the gear cable and rear brake cable, not to mention the chain. Then when I tried it I found the dual-frame needed strenthening. I used a makeshift threaded bolt and four nuts, after drilling a hole thru the seat tube on both frames. It does work, but really it needs welding. You can buy a kit from Xtracycle in America for about $400 that does the job properly but who's going to invest that much candy in a cycle in Manchester when a bike is stolen every 37 seconds in Britain.
CANAL WALKING
Canal what? Not me! No it was those Coronation Street people, showing off the oldest proper canal in Britain the Bridgewater, at Castlefield basin, this week just gone. If you saw the episode with Ashley's wife and her new friend walking under the Victorian overhead railway lines that is. If you missed that one then you may well have caught a glimpse of the Manchester Ship Canal a couple of episodes later. Corra used the Lowry gallery at Salford Quays as a hotel in a sordid scene with an escort girl! The girl in question was Les Battersby's wayward daughter and the ship canal scene was when Les and his ex wife Janice arrived in a private-hire taxi (mini-cab) outside the fictional Bowden Hotel. See, it wasn't me! canal walking, was it? In case you don't know, I should explain Coronation Street is a long running British soap opera made in Manchester by Granada Tv and has been running for well over forty years!
GREEN GILBERT
This weeks Green Gilbert nomination goes to Andy Gilbert a business consultant from Leicestershire. He plans to give-away £65,000 that he won on a Tv show. He says that he is going to give £1,000 each to sixty-five deserving people. Don't bother sending in a begging letter because Mr Gilbert has ideas of his own as to who he should distribute the loot to. How green is that? Well, he's not just giving the money away because he's a 'nice chap' he's doing it so he can write a book about the whole experience and hopefully make ten times the prize money. A case of 'Cast your bread upon the waters and in many days it will be returned to you tenfold' perhaps!
EAT-ON-DEMAND
I have now reached the half way stage on my non-diet, I still haven't weighed myself but the flab continues to melt. The eating regime is ok, it doesn't bother me that I have to cook a gourmet meal each evening for some of Europes most critical starvers, namely Nic + Jack. What I have noticed though is that portion size plays a big part in weight control. I cook less food than before but still there is some left over most days. In the past I would have eaten up any left-overs in addition to eating a larger plate of food than Nic or Jack. So, I can see that this is an area I will have to deal with after I start my life changing diet on May Day! I have completed six weeks of the projected twelve that I have set aside to reach my target weight. Three months isn't a long time in anybody's life but I can tell you when your counting the days - IT DRAGS!
FOOTBALLING
Guess what? You guessed it! City are out of the FA cup! and that's official! So, what have they got to play for this season? Well, good question! The answer of course is simply survival! They now find themselves in a relegation battle near the foot of the premiership. The only good news is that we actually won away from home at the weekend after losing the previous six. It's strange how people, myself included, say 'they' when talking about their team losing and 'we' when they're winning. I had a kick about with Jack and his friends the other day and I would really like to play in a competitive match again - maybe I can start an old codgers league!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!
(MIA ZAPATA)
Mia Zapata born August 25 1965. Mia was the lead singer with Seattle indie band The Gits. Sadly, she was raped and murdered just four days before my son Jack was born in July 1993. If you would like to find out more about this unique singer you can clink the link above to The Gits web site.
If your birthday falls on the same day as mine and Mia's, August 25, you can write in and I'll post your details on this blog! That's all folks!
I mentioned that I had joined Manchester Free Cycle a couple of weeks ago on this blog! Well today I made my first acquisition, a computer monitor. I had noticed that quite a few old crt screens are being given away as people upgrade to the newer flat-screen technology. I found that I needed a moniter as I have two very old computers, both inherited, that I now need to recover information from as I am compiling a book for Nicola entitled Fifty Bites! No, it's not a vampire novel or anything of that ilk. It is quite simply a collection of the first fifty editorials from her monthly Newsletter Raw Meat. So, a very BIG thank-you to the kind man who donated the crt monitor that will make this project a whole lot easier. And oh yes! if you want to get some FREE stuff why don't you check out your local free cycle? You can clink the link to Manchester Free Cycle here!
StraightTalkingStreetTalkingSweet..
So, what's new on the STSTS.. blog this Tuesday? This week I have posted the title poem from my Salford collection, it's called Cowardy custards. It is an observational true-life portrait of a gang of little kids on Salford Ski Slope. (Bet not many people know about that.) Also, this week I have linked to WriteOutLoud which is a belting site promoting performance poetry. They very generously agreed to accept my profile and have listed me on their great site. I have had some photo's taken and guess what? I'm going to post them as soon as poss not only on WriteOutLoud but also on STSTS! So, if you really wanna know what I look like...
BIKE-BITS, THIS+THAT!
Well, I've had a really good week on the cycling front, I haven't located a Ziggy Bike yet but I have built (almost!) my own version of the American xtracycle. I put it together from a couple of old cycles I bought for bobbins when I was a member of Manchester Lets. In case you don't know Lets stands for Local Exchange Trading System and bobbins and threads were the currency that the Manchester Lets people traded in. I bought two cycles from another member about ten years ago, a gents sports bike for myself and a ladies racer for Nic's live-in helper. Anyhow, I sawed the ladies bike in half and stripped everything off the frame. I then inserted a wheel axel in the bottom bracket and bolted it up tight between the rear drop-outs of the mens frame, after removing the back wheel, of course. I then put the back wheel onto the bolt-on bit of the ladies frame and BINGO! I had my very own extra cycle! Well? Not quite, there was a little more to do, like extending the gear cable and rear brake cable, not to mention the chain. Then when I tried it I found the dual-frame needed strenthening. I used a makeshift threaded bolt and four nuts, after drilling a hole thru the seat tube on both frames. It does work, but really it needs welding. You can buy a kit from Xtracycle in America for about $400 that does the job properly but who's going to invest that much candy in a cycle in Manchester when a bike is stolen every 37 seconds in Britain.
CANAL WALKING
Canal what? Not me! No it was those Coronation Street people, showing off the oldest proper canal in Britain the Bridgewater, at Castlefield basin, this week just gone. If you saw the episode with Ashley's wife and her new friend walking under the Victorian overhead railway lines that is. If you missed that one then you may well have caught a glimpse of the Manchester Ship Canal a couple of episodes later. Corra used the Lowry gallery at Salford Quays as a hotel in a sordid scene with an escort girl! The girl in question was Les Battersby's wayward daughter and the ship canal scene was when Les and his ex wife Janice arrived in a private-hire taxi (mini-cab) outside the fictional Bowden Hotel. See, it wasn't me! canal walking, was it? In case you don't know, I should explain Coronation Street is a long running British soap opera made in Manchester by Granada Tv and has been running for well over forty years!
GREEN GILBERT
This weeks Green Gilbert nomination goes to Andy Gilbert a business consultant from Leicestershire. He plans to give-away £65,000 that he won on a Tv show. He says that he is going to give £1,000 each to sixty-five deserving people. Don't bother sending in a begging letter because Mr Gilbert has ideas of his own as to who he should distribute the loot to. How green is that? Well, he's not just giving the money away because he's a 'nice chap' he's doing it so he can write a book about the whole experience and hopefully make ten times the prize money. A case of 'Cast your bread upon the waters and in many days it will be returned to you tenfold' perhaps!
EAT-ON-DEMAND
I have now reached the half way stage on my non-diet, I still haven't weighed myself but the flab continues to melt. The eating regime is ok, it doesn't bother me that I have to cook a gourmet meal each evening for some of Europes most critical starvers, namely Nic + Jack. What I have noticed though is that portion size plays a big part in weight control. I cook less food than before but still there is some left over most days. In the past I would have eaten up any left-overs in addition to eating a larger plate of food than Nic or Jack. So, I can see that this is an area I will have to deal with after I start my life changing diet on May Day! I have completed six weeks of the projected twelve that I have set aside to reach my target weight. Three months isn't a long time in anybody's life but I can tell you when your counting the days - IT DRAGS!
FOOTBALLING
Guess what? You guessed it! City are out of the FA cup! and that's official! So, what have they got to play for this season? Well, good question! The answer of course is simply survival! They now find themselves in a relegation battle near the foot of the premiership. The only good news is that we actually won away from home at the weekend after losing the previous six. It's strange how people, myself included, say 'they' when talking about their team losing and 'we' when they're winning. I had a kick about with Jack and his friends the other day and I would really like to play in a competitive match again - maybe I can start an old codgers league!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!
(MIA ZAPATA)
Mia Zapata born August 25 1965. Mia was the lead singer with Seattle indie band The Gits. Sadly, she was raped and murdered just four days before my son Jack was born in July 1993. If you would like to find out more about this unique singer you can clink the link above to The Gits web site.
If your birthday falls on the same day as mine and Mia's, August 25, you can write in and I'll post your details on this blog! That's all folks!
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Can't do, won't do!
FOOTBALLING
Everybody in my family, all of my brothers and all of their children and all of their friends are BLUES! and in Manchester that means we are City fans, supporters, spectators, followers, call us what you will but we are BLUE! all the way through. That is until last week, when my Jack came home with a Uni-ted! shirt. It's not his fault really as he hadn't been to many matches and didn't see himself as a football follower at all. I must say though, that all of the games he has been to were to watch City. The sad thing is that Jack has only just taken up playing football and when he went to buy a kit, with his own money, the shop wanted £45 for a City shirt and only £20 for last seasons United change strip in blue. Well, I did tell him to make sure he got a blue shirt, so you're quite right - it's my fault.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY
(AND I'LL CRY IF I WANT TO!)
Last week I mentioned that my birthday was on August 25. And I asked if anybody else shared the same aniversary? Well, it seems that quite a lot of people do. So, each week I intend to feature one of the amazing people who were born on the same day of the year as me. Just to give you an idea of who I'm talking about, I'm going to chuck some names into the ring. Billy Ray Cyrus 1961, Elvis Costello 1954, Gene Simmons 1949, Leonard Bernstein 1918. Well, as you can see there are a few singers and songwriters on my list, want some more? How about actors? They don't come much bigger than this one! Sean Connery 1930, Writers? How about Frederick Forsyth 1938, or Martin Amis 1949. Film directors? Tim Burton 1958. Models? Claudia Schiffer 1970. On the downside, I've been told that Atilla the Hun was also born on this day, I'll have to research that one myself! Finally, let's not forget Mia Zapata 1965. And of course, Grandmaster Gareth from Misty's Big Adventure. Gareth Jones 1980.
SORTED?
Just to let you know that the lift thing finally got SORTED! You may remember me moaning about Nicola's lift (that's elevator in USA) keeping me awake at night, it had an awful buzzing noise like a de-tuned radio and the only solution was to turn the damned thing off. The problem was, the switch had been installed downstairs at the top of my front room chimney breast nine feet high and well out of my reach. The answer was of course to have the switch moved to the upstairs bedroom where I could control it myself. So, how long did it take? Well, just thirty minutes for the certified electrician to fix it and nine months of waiting for his certified self to appear! Still it's SORTED now!
StraightTalkingStreetTalkingSweet...
My really bad poetry blog gets updated on a tuesday, more or less at the same time as Proper Joe's. So, what's on STSTS this week? Well, I've put a song lyric from a stupid song that I've been singing round the house for the last seven or eight years or so. It's called Shirley and it's subtitled She's such a nice girl. you can clink the link if you want to check it out but I will warn you...
BIKE-BITS, BATS + BRATS!
Everybody's going really green these days and cycling is the big thing. We all want the latest bike, the fastest or the shiniest or the most comfortable one we can find. Jack has a BMX so does Nicola's helper Jessica. Ruth, Nic's other helper has an old 1970's Puch mini-cycle, which is a fine looking machine, complete with dynamo to work the fore and aft lights. I ride a bog standard MTB but I would like to make/buy a Ziggy bike so we/I can take Nic on trips with us in the wheelchair she calls Ziggy. I was looking at wheelchair cycles (Ziggy Bikes) on the internet and there are some interesting ones available, at a price! And guess what? We've got one - a picture of one that is, as a screensaver on this computer.
EAT ON DEMAND
How's the non-diet going? Very well, thanks for asking! This is week six and I can't say that time is flying - if anything, it's dragging a bit and the monotony of high protiens period! is beginning to bore me. For example, we went to Nic's Dad's 'seventieth birthday do' the other night at a restaurant in the Manchester suburb of Didsbury Village. All very nice, but there wasn't much on the menu that I could eat. Just take the night off, and start again tomorrow, it won't kill you! will it? Well, no! It won't kill me, but according to Dr Stillman (my non-diet guru) just one scoop of ice cream could set me back three days. So, no I didn't take the night off, I just did the boring thing and ordered the steamed mussels!
GREEN GILBERT
I used to write/edit a daft funzine called Space Travel for Beginners. In this publication we had a character called Green Gilbert and I was just thinking that it might be fun to resurrect him as he's been lying dormant for much too long. So, watch this space! By the way, I must tell you that I first met Green Gilbert many years ago when I was the school milk monitor. My job was to put the straws into the 1/3rd. pint bottles by piercing the silver top with the straw and to hand out the strawed bottles to the girls in my class. Well, there was one lad in my class called Smiffy, everybody called him Whiffy! Anyway, Whiffy hated girls and do you know what he did to their milk? He carefully peeled off the silver top and spat a dirty big greeny (green gilbert) into the milk, stirred it in with the straw and expertly replaced the top.
MORE SOON!
Everybody in my family, all of my brothers and all of their children and all of their friends are BLUES! and in Manchester that means we are City fans, supporters, spectators, followers, call us what you will but we are BLUE! all the way through. That is until last week, when my Jack came home with a Uni-ted! shirt. It's not his fault really as he hadn't been to many matches and didn't see himself as a football follower at all. I must say though, that all of the games he has been to were to watch City. The sad thing is that Jack has only just taken up playing football and when he went to buy a kit, with his own money, the shop wanted £45 for a City shirt and only £20 for last seasons United change strip in blue. Well, I did tell him to make sure he got a blue shirt, so you're quite right - it's my fault.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY
(AND I'LL CRY IF I WANT TO!)
Last week I mentioned that my birthday was on August 25. And I asked if anybody else shared the same aniversary? Well, it seems that quite a lot of people do. So, each week I intend to feature one of the amazing people who were born on the same day of the year as me. Just to give you an idea of who I'm talking about, I'm going to chuck some names into the ring. Billy Ray Cyrus 1961, Elvis Costello 1954, Gene Simmons 1949, Leonard Bernstein 1918. Well, as you can see there are a few singers and songwriters on my list, want some more? How about actors? They don't come much bigger than this one! Sean Connery 1930, Writers? How about Frederick Forsyth 1938, or Martin Amis 1949. Film directors? Tim Burton 1958. Models? Claudia Schiffer 1970. On the downside, I've been told that Atilla the Hun was also born on this day, I'll have to research that one myself! Finally, let's not forget Mia Zapata 1965. And of course, Grandmaster Gareth from Misty's Big Adventure. Gareth Jones 1980.
SORTED?
Just to let you know that the lift thing finally got SORTED! You may remember me moaning about Nicola's lift (that's elevator in USA) keeping me awake at night, it had an awful buzzing noise like a de-tuned radio and the only solution was to turn the damned thing off. The problem was, the switch had been installed downstairs at the top of my front room chimney breast nine feet high and well out of my reach. The answer was of course to have the switch moved to the upstairs bedroom where I could control it myself. So, how long did it take? Well, just thirty minutes for the certified electrician to fix it and nine months of waiting for his certified self to appear! Still it's SORTED now!
StraightTalkingStreetTalkingSweet...
My really bad poetry blog gets updated on a tuesday, more or less at the same time as Proper Joe's. So, what's on STSTS this week? Well, I've put a song lyric from a stupid song that I've been singing round the house for the last seven or eight years or so. It's called Shirley and it's subtitled She's such a nice girl. you can clink the link if you want to check it out but I will warn you...
BIKE-BITS, BATS + BRATS!
Everybody's going really green these days and cycling is the big thing. We all want the latest bike, the fastest or the shiniest or the most comfortable one we can find. Jack has a BMX so does Nicola's helper Jessica. Ruth, Nic's other helper has an old 1970's Puch mini-cycle, which is a fine looking machine, complete with dynamo to work the fore and aft lights. I ride a bog standard MTB but I would like to make/buy a Ziggy bike so we/I can take Nic on trips with us in the wheelchair she calls Ziggy. I was looking at wheelchair cycles (Ziggy Bikes) on the internet and there are some interesting ones available, at a price! And guess what? We've got one - a picture of one that is, as a screensaver on this computer.
EAT ON DEMAND
How's the non-diet going? Very well, thanks for asking! This is week six and I can't say that time is flying - if anything, it's dragging a bit and the monotony of high protiens period! is beginning to bore me. For example, we went to Nic's Dad's 'seventieth birthday do' the other night at a restaurant in the Manchester suburb of Didsbury Village. All very nice, but there wasn't much on the menu that I could eat. Just take the night off, and start again tomorrow, it won't kill you! will it? Well, no! It won't kill me, but according to Dr Stillman (my non-diet guru) just one scoop of ice cream could set me back three days. So, no I didn't take the night off, I just did the boring thing and ordered the steamed mussels!
GREEN GILBERT
I used to write/edit a daft funzine called Space Travel for Beginners. In this publication we had a character called Green Gilbert and I was just thinking that it might be fun to resurrect him as he's been lying dormant for much too long. So, watch this space! By the way, I must tell you that I first met Green Gilbert many years ago when I was the school milk monitor. My job was to put the straws into the 1/3rd. pint bottles by piercing the silver top with the straw and to hand out the strawed bottles to the girls in my class. Well, there was one lad in my class called Smiffy, everybody called him Whiffy! Anyway, Whiffy hated girls and do you know what he did to their milk? He carefully peeled off the silver top and spat a dirty big greeny (green gilbert) into the milk, stirred it in with the straw and expertly replaced the top.
MORE SOON!
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Satisfaction...
ONLINE TODAY
Hi, and welcome back to Proper Joe's. Nicola's Newsletter Raw Meat.. is online from today and this issue RM#78 is dedicated to the memory of our writer friend Eric Topp. Eric died five years ago, aged only 34. Amazingly, he had written thirteen novels. Three of them have been published posthumously. You can clink the link to Nicola's blog/Newsletter at: www.rawprintz.blogspot.com
BEER BELLY
I would be telling pork pies if I said I didn't have a beer belly, 'cos I do look like a roly poly. But the good news is, that I haven't actually had a beer for over four weeks. In fact no alcohol has so much as passed my lips over the last thirty days. So, even though I may appear to have a beer belly - there's no beer in it! Have I missed it? Not really, but I am getting a bit sick and tired of drinking diet coke. You see, as my regular readers will tell you, I'm on a non-diet. What do I mean by the term 'non-diet'? Good question, but I'm glad you asked. You see, what I'm doing against all medical advice, (don't try this at home) is losing the weight first and then going on the diet.
EAT ON DEMAND
Diet to order, eat on demand! call it what you will but this non-diet is the easiest way for most people to shed excess fat fast. You can eat as much as you wish, as many times during the day as you desire, without any weighing out or counting calories. In addition to the generous amount of food you can consume, you can also drink as many cups of tea or coffee as you like and unlimited quantities of diet cola/other non-calorific sodas. But just like in real life there are some rules to follow. Water is the BIG one. You must drink a minimum of four pints of water every day. That's eight 10 oz glasses! The other thing is, that the food you eat must be chicken, fish, seafoods, eggs, skimmed milk cheeses, lean meat, no fat, no carbohydrates, no dairy, no bread, no sugar, no milk in your tea or coffee. I guess you get the picture.
WEEK FIVE
So, I'm now on week five of The Doctors Quick Weight Loss Diet and although I've not bothered to weigh myself since the end of the first week, I can confidently report that I'm well on course to reach my target weight by May Day. In fact, I believe that I'm doing so well that it may only take me eight weeks to achieve my goal, instead of the twelve weeks that I had anticipated. Three days ago I managed to squeeze into the next size down jeans. I'm sitting here at the keyboard in 32 inch waist jeans, ok I've got a big fat beer style belly lurking over the top of them but nonetheless...
EXERCISE
I've mentioned this before, I know, and I apologise in advance for potentially boring you. Exercise is a new thing to me, of course we all take exercise to some degree. Walking, cycling, household chores etc. and personally I've played a lot of football in the past - but the point I'm trying to make is that I never saw the bread + butter, run of the mill type of activities as exercise. Not like the things I have started doing recently, like press-ups and sit-ups and stretching and lifting a few light weights. These exercise things are amazing, just a few minutes of discipline gives you the same satisfaction as eating a meal. How's that for a Proper Joe's trick?
FINALLY
I don't know if any of you ever clink the link to my really bad poetry blog: StraightTalkingStreetTalkingSweet... but the links are here if you want to get really bored!
POST SCRIPT
Before I go out into the wet Manchester night, I've just had a great idea! My birthday is on August the 25th. And I've just realised that I'm not alone! Hundreds, thousands, perhaps millions of people share that same aniversary. Maybe even you! So, if you are one of the chosen few people who share August 25 as their birthday, please leave a comment on this blog! Hey and if you've got your own web site why don't we do an exchange link? Readers, please write in with your ideas of how I/we might develop this idea.
Hi, and welcome back to Proper Joe's. Nicola's Newsletter Raw Meat.. is online from today and this issue RM#78 is dedicated to the memory of our writer friend Eric Topp. Eric died five years ago, aged only 34. Amazingly, he had written thirteen novels. Three of them have been published posthumously. You can clink the link to Nicola's blog/Newsletter at: www.rawprintz.blogspot.com
BEER BELLY
I would be telling pork pies if I said I didn't have a beer belly, 'cos I do look like a roly poly. But the good news is, that I haven't actually had a beer for over four weeks. In fact no alcohol has so much as passed my lips over the last thirty days. So, even though I may appear to have a beer belly - there's no beer in it! Have I missed it? Not really, but I am getting a bit sick and tired of drinking diet coke. You see, as my regular readers will tell you, I'm on a non-diet. What do I mean by the term 'non-diet'? Good question, but I'm glad you asked. You see, what I'm doing against all medical advice, (don't try this at home) is losing the weight first and then going on the diet.
EAT ON DEMAND
Diet to order, eat on demand! call it what you will but this non-diet is the easiest way for most people to shed excess fat fast. You can eat as much as you wish, as many times during the day as you desire, without any weighing out or counting calories. In addition to the generous amount of food you can consume, you can also drink as many cups of tea or coffee as you like and unlimited quantities of diet cola/other non-calorific sodas. But just like in real life there are some rules to follow. Water is the BIG one. You must drink a minimum of four pints of water every day. That's eight 10 oz glasses! The other thing is, that the food you eat must be chicken, fish, seafoods, eggs, skimmed milk cheeses, lean meat, no fat, no carbohydrates, no dairy, no bread, no sugar, no milk in your tea or coffee. I guess you get the picture.
WEEK FIVE
So, I'm now on week five of The Doctors Quick Weight Loss Diet and although I've not bothered to weigh myself since the end of the first week, I can confidently report that I'm well on course to reach my target weight by May Day. In fact, I believe that I'm doing so well that it may only take me eight weeks to achieve my goal, instead of the twelve weeks that I had anticipated. Three days ago I managed to squeeze into the next size down jeans. I'm sitting here at the keyboard in 32 inch waist jeans, ok I've got a big fat beer style belly lurking over the top of them but nonetheless...
EXERCISE
I've mentioned this before, I know, and I apologise in advance for potentially boring you. Exercise is a new thing to me, of course we all take exercise to some degree. Walking, cycling, household chores etc. and personally I've played a lot of football in the past - but the point I'm trying to make is that I never saw the bread + butter, run of the mill type of activities as exercise. Not like the things I have started doing recently, like press-ups and sit-ups and stretching and lifting a few light weights. These exercise things are amazing, just a few minutes of discipline gives you the same satisfaction as eating a meal. How's that for a Proper Joe's trick?
FINALLY
I don't know if any of you ever clink the link to my really bad poetry blog: StraightTalkingStreetTalkingSweet... but the links are here if you want to get really bored!
POST SCRIPT
Before I go out into the wet Manchester night, I've just had a great idea! My birthday is on August the 25th. And I've just realised that I'm not alone! Hundreds, thousands, perhaps millions of people share that same aniversary. Maybe even you! So, if you are one of the chosen few people who share August 25 as their birthday, please leave a comment on this blog! Hey and if you've got your own web site why don't we do an exchange link? Readers, please write in with your ideas of how I/we might develop this idea.
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