Proper Followers

Sunday, April 04, 2021

2021 #4

 

Napowrimo 2021

Day Four


HELLO AM I EVEN WANTED

Yesterday they told me to fill the machines

today they said don't touch anything or else

sometimes I get really confused about things

they say that I'm being lazy but I do try


The bubble gum machines get very sticky

I asked if I could make them nice and clean

but they told me it wasn't my job to do that

don't touch anything or we'll batter you


You're getting a pay rise - so the maximum amount

will be the minimum wage - they tell me

I used to get plenty more than that

but they didn't raise my wages for ages


Do they need me hello am I even wanted

No we know you know zilch about nothing

04042021


Please note that all my NaPoWriMo posts this year will be published on my Pub Poetry page 'Straight talking Street talking Sweet' at: www.sewina.blogspot.com

 

Sunday, February 07, 2021

Shirkers...

 I wrote this one a while ago, but have now rewritten it slightly...

WATCHERS
Clock watchers at Dicks and Becks
the warehouse where they wear cool specs
Then one day shock horror
the clocks were changed for mirrors
Now the shirkers look at one another cold
and watch themselves grow old
230618/07022021

Saturday, January 30, 2021

Vile viral virus

 

PHARMASAURUS

There's a new dinosaur in the room

during this vile viral virus

exceptions to the rules apply


Don't throw away the instructions

read the small print

read the very small print twice


Take one tablet a day

for the rest of your life


Two pills twice a day

at breakfast and supper


Don't drink anything fermented

weekdays or weekends


Have you had your flu jab yet

when do you get your vaccination


Are you able to come to the pharmacy

and queue outside in the rain


Don't worry we can send your meds

through the post once you've got the app


Send us your script and your bank details

and authorise us to debit your account


Sit back and enjoy the lockdown it's illegal

to leave your house without good reason


Exceptions to ze rulz apply during

this vile viral virus

There's a new dinosaur in the room

Pharmasaurus

30012021

Sunday, January 10, 2021

Something I wrote in April last year...

 LOCKDOWN

The lunatics are running the asylum
Trumpington and Twopence
have no cents sense

The trouble is we're all locked in
locked up

Lockdown not in my town
I'd rather be locked in the pub
drinking beer
whisky
vodka lemonade

But I'm afraid

The lunatics are running the asylum
King Karloff with his brand new prince

Nicola Fish
Haggis dish
cover yer kite in public hen

In Singapore they're building more
hospitals for the rich and poor
'cos they're expecting a second wave
of Coronavirus on their shores

Rub-a-dub-dub three men in a pub
and how do you think they got there
through the back door
where they pulled up a chair
the doctor the vicar the undertaker
smoking cigars supping boilermakers

The trouble is we're all locked in
locked up

Lockdown your town too
and the lunatics are running the asylum
29042020

Thursday, December 31, 2020

More from 2020...

 

FOR FITS SAKE

They told me at sixteen

You're too young to die

but we don't think you'll make twenty one

definitely not twenty five


In my seventh decade now

fighting fit for fits sake


Walking stick football

forty then forty five

came and went


Attack defence sub

Subbuteo Shove ha'penny

armchair TV


A new millennium

appeared swallowed me up

with all its apps aches

likes and dripping taps


Mobile madness

inbuilt sickness

inane sadness


The fat controller

breaks out Brexit

petit dejeuner demain

flu jab over

covert covid


Hold out your hand

and we'll stab you again

31122020/1

HAPPY NEW YEAR

 

NEARLY OVER

Another year kaput

the air borne

mind blown

window pain

No pane of glass

or grain of sand

everything swept

under the rug

to make a fresh start

Even the no mug flies have flown

We alone are caught

in the spiders web

Nearly over

it's not even begun

covid-21

31122020

Wednesday, April 01, 2020

Coronavirus 10 napowrimo 2020 #1


It's napowrimo time again and my contributions will be posted on
my Straight Talking Street Talking Sweet... bloggage at sewina.blogspot.com

VIRUS INVISIBLE
Happening everywhere under the sun
yellow blue black an' white an' brown stroke red
she may be red but not as dull as dun
an enemy that goes over my head


What will happen if the night sky turns white
and red - unlike the chops upon her cheeks
which way will we delight in her delight
there's nothing I can say although she reeks


This new virus invisible you know
we can't see it or even hear its sound
numbers undertaking all on the go
and lose - how many more will go to ground


Although coronavirus might be rare
it's too early to know how to compare
01042020/SH130

Sunday, March 29, 2020

Coronavirus 8

novirusinformation dot con

Thunder clapping light embracing the shame

they tell me it's not love it must be lust
oh what a crying shame but who's to blame
if there's no one to care who can you trust
Novirusinformation dot con/straight
they tell us that we can have what we had
the things we hate will multiply like bait
before they get better or drive us mad
Mad as a hatter or mad lazy so
crazy baby lazy to the extreme
isolation living the dream whoa woe
explanation on hold like my big dream
Victory will come when we all get well
okay until then our lives might be hell
29032020/1/SH129

Saturday, March 28, 2020

Coronavirus 7


BOWER NOT FLOWER
If only things were made out to be fair
the time it takes make no mistake to name
that come what may Charlie will still be heir
although if this virus puts us to shame

Across the globe who will remain in power
only the ones who face us face to face
therefore if their ideas do not flower
they will lose power and end in disgrace

They ask is day as bright as night is black
or are things not really quite as they seem
the rich will still be rich and have no lack
workers can only dream of self esteem

So troubles come and go in times of woe
if that's the way things are it sure looks so
28032020/SH127

Friday, March 27, 2020

Coronavirus 6


WHAT A CONUNDRUM
Where did you go to my long long lost friend
please don't pretend that you're everyone's friend

Bitter sweet holiday
romance it ain't
there's always a reason
to season with salt

In Norfolk and Windsor
she may be the Queen
been at the helm
before Karloff was born

But now that he's got it
and Charlie boy too
what a conumdrum
the heir to the throne

So don't come to Cornwall
or Scotland or Wales
do as they tell you
don't do as they do

Where did you go to my long long lost friend
please don't pretend that you're everyone's friend
27032020

Thursday, March 26, 2020

Coronavirus 5


GOD BLESS THE NHS
Contradiction personified
they talk about the turning tide
food parcels will be left outside

Seventy eight point seven four zero two
inches not only when you're in the queue
at work practice social distance too

God bless the NHS stay home save lives
no work no income how will they survive
Universal Credit – you can't get through
but volunteers got signed by half past two

Seventy eight point seven four zero two
inches not only when you're in the queue
at work practice social distance too

Contradiction personified
they talk about the turning tide
food parcels will be left outside
26032020

Coronavirus 4


COVID – 19
conspiracy theory
they say people say
the powers that be
and their puppet Gendarmes
they've got us
where they want us
locked up
or locked down
in every city
countryside village
or self isolated town

However rules are elective
and only apply
to the unschooled unwashed
but not to the guy
that wants to keep making
more products to sell
hell he'll find ways to
keep his wokforce well
well maybe not well but
you know what I mean
he'll say they're essential
to the NHS scheme
of course what he really means
is his personal wealth
he's entitled to dream
25032020

Tuesday, March 24, 2020

Coronavirus 3


RARELY REALLY
(SURELY NOT THAT)
So (comma) they say - before they respond
spondulicks lighting up their greedy eyes
yes – so – the buzz response to anything
kerching un-till the Jack and Jill is full

Full of candy and sugar coated dough
doe ray me far so - so what - sew it up
put I before E except after C
see what I'm talking about now – money

Money money money bread and honey
phoney telephoney transportation
transport by buses trains and cars it's not
nothing is - rarely really - what it seems

Seems like so - is the new well – how deep's that
that's way out and groovy - surely not that
24032020

Coronavirus 2


SIDEWAYS AIN'T UP
Uncertain uncertainty
insanity believe me
no one knows 'cos
the answer ain't here

Welcome to the global village
that's too tired to sleep

Leap up and down
(in your dreams)
and celebrate the street
take a walk in the forest
but watch out for those Gestapo trees

Cuckoo as the Stepford Quintet
experimental triangulation
with a pinch of Tippex (Strikethrough) sex

Now nobody can go anywhere
unless they've got some place to go
Ironically chronically
de ja vue we've not been this scared
since nineteen eighteen

Emotionally unstable
the insatiable appetite
of the super bitch
sadists masochists
and the extremely rich

To Karloff and his phoney cronies
sideways ain't up
23032020

Sunday, March 22, 2020

Coronavirus


COLD OR BEEK
cyrus virus
the sparrow's beak
corona pop the saxaul's peek
at lonely girl
bubble and squeak
is isolation cold or beek

up the paddle
without a creak
as silent as a lonely leek
when she went up
atop the peak
the tide was turning in the creek

no one was there
oh what a weak
and helpless thing timid and meek
so far apart
things look so bleak
pray she gets better by next week

cyrus virus
the sparrow's beak
corona pop the saxaul's peek
at lonely girl
bubble and squeak
is isolation cold or beek
22032020


Saturday, February 22, 2020

What's it all about???


THAT MYTHICAL OUNCE
If they did it the way we wanted it
to be done it would be okay but they
have no clue which way is up

They run their company like a dinner lady
running a nineteen sixties school canteen
they're full of hot air not quite up to full steam

Living the dream off the back of the working men
and women that graft for food and drink and a roof
over their head if their lucky plucky perhaps

Waiting for the right time to pounce
on that mythical ounce of gold
that we were told would be definitely could be ours

If we keep our heads down and our noses clean
it's like talking to a brick wall trying to get any sense
out of them the entitled ones that think they rule

Of course they do while we let them drive roughshod
over us as we cower to their demands for lower pay
increased productivity and a longer working day
22022020

Wednesday, October 02, 2019

The American CEO


THE AMERICAN CEO
(From the TV show Undercover Boss)
Employee: Wow! That's amazing,
I'd never have guessed that you were the boss.
Boss: I just wanna tell you that I'm really pleased
with your work and I wanna give you a raise and a
company car, in addition to that I wanna buy you a
house and give you fifty thousand dollars to send
your kids to college.
Employee: But, I don't have any kids!
Boss: Okay, okay, I'll give you another fifty thousand
bucks to buy some.
02102019

Saturday, September 09, 2017

My Sweet Lord...

MY SWEET LORD
I worship you in every single way
sing praises to your name day after day

Oh thank you thank you thank you My Sweet Lord
thank you that my salvation is assured

Forgive me Lord each time I go astray
forgive me when I fail you each day

I pray Sweet Lord that others will be saved
that they will no longer be enslaved

I pray that I can share your word each day
and know that you're the truth the life the way

090917/1

Bless The Lord...

BLESS THE LORD
Bless the Lord and worship Him for sure
praise His holy name for ever more

Forgive us Lord for failing you each day
for failing you in every single way

Thank you Father for giving us your son
to die to save us each and every one

We pray this wicked world will hear the call
and many will be saved despite the fall

We ask in Jesus Name that you will bless
everything we do when we confess

090917  

Monday, May 01, 2017

May Day Poem 2017 (Nairobics version)

AND ANYTHING BIGGER THAN RHINOCEROS
Apprehend retribution and anything bigger than Rhinoceros
The city grows exponentially as the hoards of the poor increase
Nobody knows the fine art of devaluation like the corrupt
Bent as a nine bob note he goes for the proverbial jugular
Dollars and cents unimportant as the great wall of Chihuahua
All these self important people running around chasing their own tails
They’ll tell you anything they think you want to hear like it or not sideways
We’re both doing the same thing in different back yards digging doesn’t help
When the balloon goes up we all get burnt not just those that play with fire
We all try to make our mark sometimes too casually but someday…
Careful what you wish for there’s a ball and chain welded to that railing
Her smile is deadly and her voice will mesmerise you if you let it
Love is just out of reach just beyond the fence that you can’t jump over
Different cities will flash through your memory as you tune back in
Who are you and why/how often do you come to this great place to pray?
He walks out of the cathedral blinking in the warm sunlight outside
Everybody’s a number now they have all been fish chipped and tattooed
She thinks I’m following her in the rain with a broken umbrella
At the tailors he bought a suit had it altered smart as a Munchkin
Jointed disappointed… and anything bigger than Rhinoceros
010517/1 Nairobics version 

The original version of this piece is on my STSTS blog.

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

No Turning Back...

IT’S NOT JUST MONEY
Joy at last lasting joy peace the bells are ringing shouting screaming out
Rejoicing in the Saviour - where is He now - how do we live by faith
They set you up to let you down delighted when you fall and you will

Because everybody does and from a great height when they walk by sight
Even you and I there is no getting away from them when they come
Deadly as the different ones when they arrive beating down your door  

Who are you where are you what is your understanding of the whole thing
The situation that you have entangled yourself with for so long
The hole that you have dug for yourself deeper and deeper into debt

Down the darkest of slippery slopes until there is no turning back
Yet there is always a chance another way a change of direction
And a change of heart because it’s not just money that can break the bank

260417/1

All my NaPoWriMo posts are on my STSTS blog

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Feeling Blue Song # 692

SO LONG SINCE
(THE LAST TIME)
This time last week
I was out with somebody new
She was unique
But now I’m feeling blue

All I did was sing her a song
And every little thing went wrong

So long since the last time
The national pastime...

This time last week
I was out with somebody new
She was unique
But now I’m feeling blue

All I did was sing her a song
And every little thing went wrong
Repeat

160417/1

Friday, April 14, 2017

Belfast Blues

WHERE DANDELIONS GROW
I met this girl she meant all the world to me
And nobody knows where dandelions grow but me
Surprise surprise she had brown eyes
Then when she smiled at me…
I melted when I heard her voice
She sounded so good and she understood
But nobody knows where dandelions grow but me

I met this girl she meant all the world to me
And nobody knows where dandelions grow but me
Surprise surprise she had brown eyes
Then when she smiled at me…
I melted when I heard her voice
She sounded so good and she understood
But nobody knows where dandelions grow but me

140417/2 

For Cathy

PORTAFERRY
As I was going to Portaferry
Happy as Larry dee dandelion jam
I met a maiden but she didn’t care, Dun-drum dee...
She had brown eyes and beautiful hair
As she drove on to Portaferry

Dun-drum Dun-drum dee dandelion jam
Dun-drum Dun-drum dee dandelion jam

On the hill is Scrabo Tower says she
Happy as Larry dee dandelion jam
Up up the apples and pears she sang, Dun-drum dee...
She looked so sweet and ever so rare
As she drove on to Portaferry

Dun-drum Dun-drum dee dandelion jam
Dun-drum Dun-drum dee dandelion jam

We took the Tom and Jerry to Strangford
Happy as Larry dee dandelion jam
For to watch The Grand National there, Dun-drum dee...
My horse Vicente fell at the first fence
Her thoroughbred looked as lively as Ned

Dun-drum Dun-drum dee dandelion jam
Dun-drum Dun-drum dee dandelion jam

It must have been something that I said
Happy as Larry dee dandelion jam
I should cut my tongue right out of my head, Dun-drum dee...
Such a sweet maiden but she didn’t care
We took the boat back to Portaferry

Dun-drum Dun-drum dee dandelion jam
Dun-drum Dun-drum dee dandelion jam

The Lough was choppy and cold as we crossed
Happy as Larry dee dandelion jam
Castles and Abbeys, ruins everywhere, Dun-drum dee...
So much to see and so much to share
When we drove down to Portaferry

Dun-drum Dun-drum dee dandelion jam
Dun-drum Dun-drum dee dandelion jam

140417/1

Thursday, April 13, 2017

NaPoWriMo 2017

NaPoWriMo 2017

All my NaPoWriMo posts this year are on my 
Straight Talking Street Talking Sweet...  bloggage.

Tuesday, February 07, 2017

Artistic as art deco

MUCH TOO LATE
(TO RETREAT)
Devastated by it all
Waiting for it to happen
It’s unreal
My friends all look like old men
They look the way that I feel
Suddenly

Football for gladiators
More than an arena game
Score or die
The moon on a lolly stick
Stuck waiting for the cheese man
To come home

Dripping like honey
Begging for the biggest half
Cereal killers
My premeditated sin
The hellishness of Hades
God save me

Last day of January
Cold but not really too cold
Could be snow
Pointless as eyeless needles
You really have been stitched up
Kipperville

Artistic as art deco
Waterboarding in Cuba
Dodge Sedan
The night that the roof fell in
Coincided with the blitz
On London

His personal soup kitchen
Eating for Australia
Down under
Constructing with plastic bricks
The Lego camper van man
Went camping

Burnt by the rub of the green
The ball ends up in the rough
And tumbles
Happy to talk to herself
She sits around chunnering
About things

There is a message for you
You chose to be here with me
Together 
Leave it for they can’t take it
We need to make it easy
For the few

Alcohol and drugs don’t mix
Why upset the apple cart
Calvados
Wintering in Tenerife
Snow atop of Mount Teide
Hit the beach

She waits for that special star
Hanging behind the dark cloud
And follows
If nothing lasts for ever
Why is forever nothing
Mind bending

Straight as a broken arrow
Flying in the midday sun
On target
If you’re in you’re in too deep
Suddenly it’s much too late
To retreat

070217

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

All of the words (that I never wrote down)...

OUT OF MY HANDS
Jesus my life my Lord and my saviour
Not what I want but what you want for me
I would be crazy to doubt your power
You made the lame walk and the blind to see

Jesus I’m watching and reading your word
So Lord please make me to listen to you
Your love is greater than that of this world
It’s out of my hands the things that you do

Every little song that I sing is here
All of the words that I never wrote down
It’s so good to know to know you are near
And that you will be with me in this town

Great clouds of witnesses gather around
To listen to this sweet lyrical sound

90117

Wednesday, January 04, 2017

Song #680

HAPPY PEOPLE
We are happy people
From a mythical place
Under the spotlight
We are happy people
We are happy people
From a mythical place
Under the spotlight
We are happy people

Outside Jersey Street Mill
There stands a Jack with his Jill
Singing nursery rhymes
From a mythical time

Under the gas light
They are a happy couple

In Ancoats Cottonopolis
There is so much bliss
Jill singing to her man
Jack be nimble - if you can

Under the street light
They are a happy couple

A shoe shop assistant
In that mythical age
But Jill was insistent
She could have been on stage

Under the spotlight
They are a happy couple

We are happy people
From a mythical place
Under the spotlight
We are happy people
We are happy people
From a mythical place
Under the spotlight
We are happy people
Repeat

040117

Sunday, December 04, 2016

Shattered dreams...

HITS & HIGHS
Disappointed?  Just a bit…
Tib Street was always like this
Hits and highs and compromise
Eyes that see you in the dark
Park the jam jar in Joe’s basement
Mental as the situation
Rationing the homeless patient
Patience is a virgin still…
Will life be this bad tomorrow?
Sorrow sad and feeling bad
Glad it’s just a passing phase
Crazy Face back pocket jeans
Dreams all shattered – hit and miss
Disappointed? Just a bit...

041216

Monday, October 03, 2016

Examples of Poetic Flash Fiction in 51 Syllables

CLAPTRAPONOMY I
Time creeps backwards, forwards, closing statements, words open emerging worlds
Shifting sands, sentimental claptraponomy, truths variable
Made up worlds, breathed from words like collapsion - lies waiting to be de-mythed

Oceans waterfall from the thunderstorm, lightening never strikes thrice
Everything leaps sideways sometimes, even umbrellas turn outside in
Much like melting ice this galaxy and the next is subject to change

The things they tell me don’t make sense; they want to put me into their box
Scary stuff, they don’t understand that they’re the ones who have been brainwashed
I can take it or leave it - walk away before things get too heavy

But sin is addictive, harder to give up than tobacco or gin
Like the Gin mill, the Gin Palace, and the babies that are born in Gin
It’s the same the world over, different ones telling the same old lies

Selling the bodies of those that they have violently captivated
Prostituting themselves for peanuts when the candy starts to run dry
Leaving me sitting here alone, crying myself to sleep every night

The racket that they make, they think the carnival is still in full swing
All I can do is pray for rain, it’s like living on a fairground here
With next winter to look forward to - all I can do is hibernate

Lonely as the proverbial fish out of water - fighting for life
Gasping for air, stupid as a beached whale stranded on the sands of time
Beware of the fallen angels, demons, and delirium tremens

She’s screeching ridiculously like a flat tyre on an express train
Demanding as a child with a massive case of the terrible twos                          
She kneels in front of Father Ignatius and confesses all of her sins

Astronomy, astrology, Scientology (kicked it into touch)
World religions come and go unlike golden calves in the wilderness
That hang about like proverbial millstones around the felon’s neck  

Playing music manically suggesting it replaces all language
Dressing for the occasion stretching in her leotard yesterday
Upsetting the apple cart and the boy on the back of the beer dray

Walking in the snow looking for Poo Sticks to throw into the river
All knowledge is subjective you will realise one day when it’s too late
The milkman gives the little boy a carrot to make the snowman’s nose

Everybody’s going home for Christmas, sounds like some sort of sad song
Of course, I’m already home, I live here in fear of my life daily
The best I can do, is go to the match on Boxing Day, if they play

In the New Year things will be fine, all bad memories will be erased
Pleasant thoughts will be implanted into the corporate mind of man
Don’t forget, no one will need to regret anything ever again

Space rockets will come and go from the moon, shooting the bad comets down
Lovers will watch them from secret places as they dart across the sky
Whisky will be mixed down until it looks and tastes like river water

In Poland my cousins husband took me for a bike ride to the park
At the junction he dismounted, ‘We have rules in this country’ he said
The rest of the family had gone to Warsaw, so we ate Bigos

Why are the girls so beautiful in Poland? My son and his friend ask
We were driving from the airport to the cathedral in the salt mine
It was late September, but still warm enough for us to sleep outside

The ballerina and the bally dancer will practice at all hours
No mistake, lovers will be matched according to the music they make
Life is not a chocolate orange, a cheese mountain, or a lake of wine

The feng shui lady is coming today to rearrange the kitchen.
The cook has been throwing daggers at me all day, he hates changing things
When the tide goes out, will it come back? And where does the ocean go to?

The only stars the little boy knows play football on the TV show
It’s amazing the difference a little bit of investment makes
Mediocre Leicester can become champions with the right set up

She makes the tea letting it brew slowly in the kettle on the hob
People come to ask her the way to the mythical temple of love
She looks deep into their souls and saves the penalty for later on

Who are all these people, and where do they come from? Where are they going?
This life doesn’t have all the answers yet, the planets keep some secrets
Even on Mars they have water under the dust, if only you look

The Martians and the little green Moonsters that we’ve talked about before
Travelling at the speed of light, they might eventually arrive here
We travel anywhere, everywhere all the time, at the speed of thought

Nobody really knows how to have their cake and eat it, or do they?
A lot of people drink it these days, they make cake and shake it madly
Some married guys I know have a girlfriend on the side, what does that mean?

Check the afternoon lock-in at The Pancake House in St. Peters square
The skateboarders take a big holdall of cans of beer and hand them out
After they get tipsy they get spray cans out and graffiti the walls

She doesn’t need to go on a diet; she can buy the next size dress
All women are beautiful, ‘I know’, she tells me, when she smiles at me
‘If the barn needs painting, slap on the lippy!’ they say down south - sometimes

Old timers, blue rinse brigade, and grey, coffin dodgers to the last man
They say that I’ve only got eight years and eleven months left to live
Why were there some guys in the Bible that lived to nine hundred and odd?

We go to Oversize Elisabeth’s for the full English breakfast
Every month that’s got an ‘R’ in it, and a few that don’t like July
Last time Pierre the inebriated artisan came with us too

We sample beer shake brunch for starters, and take vodka smoothies to go
Then queue outside the pub, waiting for it to open at nine am
The red Rum drinkers sit there scratching their boozers hooters, it’s murder

The day drags on, drinking pint for pint with Peter the pissed up painter
Artistic as Cézanne, sober as a hanging judge, nowhere to run
When nightfall comes we stagger to another bar for cocktails at eight

Outside and up there somewhere planets collide, new worlds are formed by thought
You know what thought did don’t you? I think he just thought he did what he did
Satellites are falling from the skies back down to earth like lead balloons

But the cranes are still going up to build more towers to scrape the skies
Bent as a plastic fiver, crooked as the Chesterfield church spire
More backhanders than a tennis bat, one racket after another

Everything’s computerised, what will people do when the power fails?
The Millennials and the generation before them have no clue
The three day working week, no electricity, and candles for light

It gets addictive; starving yourself for more than three days is not cool
The self congratulatory society annual big ball
And guess who turns up? All the grabbers, all of the tramps, and all the thieves

The old Jersey lighthouse looks magnificent, standing there in the rain
The Grand National at Aintree will never be quite the same again
Runners and riders jockey for pole position at the Tartan Bar

We watch the international at the Corbiere Pavilion
It’s Scotland v England and they beat us 2-1 we buy all their beer
Only the year before we had thrashed them at Wembley five goals to one

I used to drink in the Trafalgar and the Tenby at St Aubins
All the pubs were open from nine am until eleven pm
Some hotel bars were open all night and the beer was as cheap as chips

I worked at the Royal Yacht Hotel in Saint Helier for a while
And later on at the Parade Bar where I first met the crazy beans
The head waiter at one place was a window cleaner from Wythenshawe

Deluded, waiting for the frost to thaw on a sunny summers day
Funny as a rocking horse rider on steroids, racing round the house
Bubbly as Champagne, fizzy as Cava, mad for it down in Dijon

Keen as mustard, fit as a butchers bitch on heat, fired up for the fight
Tooled up to the elbows, dressed up to the nines, if only looks could kill
Is commercialisation an imitation of reality?

The newscaster announces the capture of another terrorist
He says he is acting alone, but the devastation is so vast
A dozen organisations or so claim he was working with them

The flags remain at half mast as the president makes an announcement
‘The ceasefire is well and truly over, we will resume bombing soon’
The pilots scramble, and the ground crews kick start the jet engines over

The rebels, the terrorists, and the government troops blame each other
The superpowers can’t resist throwing in the Wellington for fun
Manipulating life, death, and eternity to win brownie points

Obnoxious as Baden Powell, with his Wolf Cubs, and the Boy Scout movement
I was the last Tawny Sixer and the First Red Sixer at Eleventh Sale Saint Joseph’s
Frightening as the Hitler Youth was, we would have beat them at football

Me and my street could have played for England, we trained outside every night
Five-a-side, seven-a-side, in the hockey nets at the tennis club
In nineteen sixty-six we beat North Korea at Worthington park

At Saint Aidan’s school we played football every day with a tennis ball
Two of the names I recall are, Antonio Bibby, and Chris Cain
I was a milk monitor, handing out the little bottles with straws

Mrs Harrison was the only shopkeeper open on Sundays
We would always stop to buy cream cheese, pickled gherkins, and kiełbasa
But the thing I liked the best was the cold milk machine outside the shop