Proper Followers

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

More questions than answers?...

Everybody knows better than me about everything! It doesn't matter what I do or say, I'm wrong! and everybody else is right! You see, all these other people are more important than me. They've got everything figured out - and what they believe in is true/definite/immovable. My opinion, simply doesn't matter. They just don't have time to listen! they don't care! They know all the answers - they know better than me!
I hate going to the doctor's... It's not that I don't like my doctor - I do! It's just that, well, er, I feel that I'm wasting her time. You see, it's usually something quite insignificant that takes me in search of medical help. So, I've been limiting myself to essential visits only, and so far this year I've only been to the surgery for an appointment once - and that was only because my optician sent me posthaste with a letter. The letter from the eye-man to my doctor was then expanded upon and sent on to the eye hospital and that's where I met Doctor Dreama.
Now, to set the record straight, Doctor Dreama isn't just one particular doctor. And yes, I have used the name in the past, as regular readers of this bloggage may well recall. I use the name now, because since my initial appointment at the eye-hossie I've seen at least six different doctors in three different departments, who all claim to be baffled by my perpendicular eyes, as reported on these pages last week. Well, there has been a development this week, no, I haven't got the results of my chest x-ray or the verdict from my MR scan yet. But, something happened this week that made me think that the conglomorate Doctor Dreama may just know something that I don't - a bit like everybody else, really!
I had been out in the back-yard all afternoon washing down some equipment with a hosepipe and an assortment of cloths + sponges. I was wearing my new wellies (knee-high rubber boots) and my jeans were stuffed into the top of them. After a while, I started to get a bit of a tingling pins + needles feeling in my right knee. At first I thought little of it, I had experienced a similar sensation on a dozen occasions before. This time, however, the tingling didn't go away, it got worse. By the time I had finished my work in the yard, my right leg had pretty much seized up. It took me a while to get my boot off and then a few minutes further of exercising my leg before embarking upon my next mission - making pizza!
Birthdays are a funny old thing.
Jack shares his birthday with his schoolfriend Justyn, who is exactly one year younger.
My nephew, little Andy has two kids, born on the same day - one year apart!
Which brings me to Sean Connery - Sean was born on August 25 - just a couple of decades or so before me. I think we'll feature Sir Sean Connery this week. After all, they don't come much more famous than him! do they? You can clink-the-link HERE.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Keep it up...

I haven't mentioned this to you before, but it's official, I've got perpendicular eyes! Everyone else, according to Doctor Dreama at the hossie, has horizontal eyes. She did say that perpendicular eyes may well be normal for me, but just in case... she's sending me for loads of tests. So far, I've had two CAT Scans, Six Blood tests, Several eye scans, One chest x-ray, Three Eye photography appointments, a field test and three teams of Doctors from the eye hossie, all baffled by my case. Today, I was introduced to yet another eye specialist and I had my eyes re-examined. The results of the six bloods were negative and I now have to go for a magnetic resonance something or other - a different kind of scan? If they still can't find anything wrong with me, I've got to have a lumbar puncture! How much of an eye-opener is that?
Anyway, talking of eyes and eyesight a Mrs Ackerley from nearby Altrincham has just been issued with night-time contact lenses. The idea is that she will wear them at night and they will correct her eyes and in the morning she will take them out and she will have 20/20 vision! What a great invention. But, like Nicola always says: 'You can't believe everything you read in the Manchester Evening News!' However, if it does work, and Mrs Ackerley says it does, then how about loading the same sort of eye correction treatment onto the computer and we could all improve our vision as we blog!
It always seems to be someones birthday these days and this week, in fact today, it's my twin brother's birthday! Not that I'm a twin, you understand, but I do have two brothers who are, Henry + Stan! So, H + S, Happy Birthday!
Talking of birthdays! When's yours? You see, I do this crazy thing every week where I feature somebody who shares my birthday. This week it is German supermodel + actress Claudia Schiffer. Claudia was born on August 25th just like me and lots of other people, maybe even you? If your birthday just happens to be on 25/8, write in and let me know and I'll give you a BIG write-up on this blog! Anyway, you can clink the link to Claudia's US fansite HERE.
Well, it's been a long day. Since I started writing todays blog, I've been back to the hospital for the MR Scan - It only took about thirty minutes from start to finish but talk about frightening! It was really scary! Why, because of the noise it makes? Not just the noise, but the future fiction aspect of the whole thing as well. I had to lie on this flat bed/table thing and then it moved inside a big tunnel, which seemed to narrow as I entered it head first. "Are you ready?" said a mystery voice. Then without waiting for me to reply, the buzzing noise began! DAR, DAR, DAR! it bellowed incessantly. It was like a very loud electric doorbell with an impatient postman, standing outside in the Manchester rain, pressing it. It went on and on and on. I kept very still as instructed and was glad when the noise finally stopped. However, the mystery voice kicked in again. "We'll have to do it again!" The voice began, "You moved a fraction!" it explained. Then the NOISE!!! started up again.
I don't know about you but I just love cooking! I just love eating + I just love food! But the thing I hate about shopping is all that packaging and worse all that junk food that people have convinced themselves, saves them time. So, when Jack decided he wanted to have Kentucky Fried Chicken from KFC, I wasn't very happy. Eventually, as always, against my better judgement, we went to the local KFC drive-thru place. The first problem was we had to drive to it. (Green Gilbert wouldn't have liked that!) The second problem was, we had to drive past thirty or forty take-aways including six other brands of Southern Fried Chicken before we reached the KFC. Then, problem number three, On reaching the advertised outlet we were confronted with a mystifying amount of choice, there were bargain buckets, variety buckets, childrens menu's etc. And the staff, who I must say were very patient with us, were just as mystified that I/we didn't know what to order as I/we was/were with the conflicting menu.
Sorry Colonel Sanders, the chicken wasn't very nice, I think you might have cooked it too long and oh yes, you left the skin on mine and after I peeled off all that nasty batter stuff that was stuck to it there wasn't really much chicken there, it was mainly bone. But the worst thing was the chips, they were cold and they tasted like cardboard, we had to throw them away. The other thing was, on the menu it said: Two main sides, (how American's that? but I knew what you meant!) the prob was we didn't get them! And we didn't get any napkins or salt or sauce or any clean-up tissues or any ice-cream or pop (soda US) in fact the only thing I felt I got was I felt I got ripped off!

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Go for it!...

Jack wanted to sell some old playstation games so he could buy a spider tank. Spider tanks are the latest must have thing! Jack and some of his school friends went to see the latest Spiderman movie at the weekend, so perhaps spider tanks are something to do with that? Well, I can't get much sense out of Jack at the moment, but I did see another boy with a spider tank and he was riding a bicycle. Anyhow, Jack went along to Gamestation in the local Blockbuster store and the man said he could have £9.00 for two old games but he would need an adult to sanction the deal. So, I went along and filled out my name and address on a sheet of paper and was asked to sign a reciept for a credit note. "Hold on a minute," I said. "I think Jack wanted cash!"
"Oh," said the man, "You'll need two pieces of ID! And it's only £6.00 for cash."
"Ok," I said, searching in my pockets. Eventually, I found my bank debit card and showed it to the man.
He shook his head. "Haven't you got anything else?" He asked.
I put my hand into my pocket again and produced my Blockbuster card. The man shook his head again.
I was about to give up when I found my credit card! This should do it I thought. Wrong again!
"You need two pieces of photo ID!" The man told me.
"Photo what?" I asked.
"Photo ID, a photo driving license and a passport!"
This was getting really embarrassing now, so I made my excuses and dragged Jack out of the store. I never want to go to Gamestation or Blockbuster again!
Cycling is one of those things you would think was so simple to do. You just get on your bike and go, don't you? Well, no! I mean you probably do if you have loads of time or if there's someplace you need to be. But, if you've not got any spare time and you've not got any urgent appointments or pressing engagements to attend... Getting out of the house is nigh on impossible, never mind digging the bike out of the ever increasing pile of BMX machines that seem to be breeding in my hallway. At the moment my Home-made-extra-cycle is at the bottom of the pile. Next comes my Mountain bike, which is wedged in by Jacks BMX! On top of Jack's bike is Jessica's BMX, which is blocked in by Jack's friends bike. On top of the bike pile is Ruth's extra special Puch Mini which I reckon is about forty years old. So, do I move five bikes to get mine out or do I just walk across the street to the corner shop and pay 38pence for the Manchester Evening News? Well, if I cycle up to Piccadilly or St Peter's Square I can get the city centre edition for free! But, by the time I've dug five bikes out of the way and dragged my machine to the front and cycled up to Aytoun Street or Oxford Street or wherever else the newsboy is handing out the freebies, I could have written another chapter of my book! When are we going to get a Moss Side Edition? (free-one) that's what I WANNA KNOW! Come on MEN!

Ok, everybody's heard of Misty's haven't they? You know, Misty's! Misty's Big Adventure! Oh that Misty's, why didn't you say that in the first place then? Well, I just wanted to get you going. Anyhow, I know you all know who Misty's Big Adventure are and you all know who Grandmaster Gareth is! But I bet you didn't know that like many other famous people, Grandmaster Gareth shares my birthday! Well, you do now. Not only that but I used to be Misty's fattest fan! I can't say that any more 'cos I've lost so much weight! Ok, I'm Misty's oldest fan! Sorry to disappoint you, but there was a bloke even older than me at the last gig I went to at the Manchester Academy. So, what is my claim to fame then? Well, I'm a friend of a friend of a friend of the Grandmaster's, sort of... You see Jessica is a friend of Gareth's and Jessica works for my friend Nicola, so you see... we're almost best mates! aren't we? Anyway, I've got all the albums! So, I am Cool with a Capital C! If you get my drift! Who killed the bloody neighbours?

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Tit for tat!

I just want to say a BIG HELLO! to my six regular readers. I don't know who you are, but I do know that you exist. You see every week my counter thingy at the foot of this page tells me how many people have visited Proper Joe's. I think the record week was eighty-nine visits, and there's been some other good weeks and a couple of poor ones, but every week the regular six pop up - so, if you're reading this and you recognise yourself - get in touch! Leave a comment, send me an e-mail - read my other blogs!
Many of you know that Nicola has her own blogspot page where she publishes her monthly Newsletter, Raw Meat If you want a really good read and would like to check out her work-in-progress-novel which is actually part of a trilogy, simply clink the link! Nicola also has a website at: which tells you all about her novels and other publications. She is a big Oscar Wilde fan and has recently had an article published in The Wildean.
I was speaking to Green Gilbert and he mentioned the Red Rose Forest and I said 'Where's that then?' And he said: "It's near Stretford Arndale!" Well, call me stupid but I've never seen a forest round that neck of the woods. Rubbish tips and the like abound, I thought to myself, thinking of the post industrial area. Green Gilbert was right of course and I was wrong, The little walk we went on last week-end was very pleasant and I will recommend it to you all here. We turned left off the main Chester Road out of Manchester at the car wash opposite Stretford Mall. We followed the street to the end and turned right. One hundred yards or so later we parked the car at the top of Hawthorn Lane and embarked upon a most delightful walk. The route, is linked to the Mersey Valley and there is access to the river at several points. It is actually quite close to other walks we've been on and mentioned in the blogisphere elsewhere. Anyway, thanks to Green Gilbert for introducing us to a little snippet of The Red Rose Forest and The Trans Pennine Trail! Amazing, to think that only minutes from the urban chaos, such a tranquil place exists! The country-side on our doorstep!
I don't know if you've had a chance to spend a few minutes over at but you are very welcome to come and check out my Doktir Nairobi blog. I must warn you though that it's just me with a South American accent! blogging on about Nairobics! yawn...
When's your birthday? mine's on the twenty fifth of August along with some weird and wonderful characters. Did you know that not only Ludwig I of Bavaria but also Ludwig II was born on, you guessed it 25/8 the former in 1786 and Ludwig II in 1845. This week I'm going to introduce you to Faustyna Kowalska! born 25/8/1905. Who? Saint Faustina! The recently cannonised Polish saint. Don't forget if you share our birthday - let me know!
On the really bad poetry/lyric blogs this week I've posted a folk style song that I wrote (according to my back of a bus ticket notes) in 1991. Anyway, the song is about a guy called Jon who ended up shining shoes on Waterloo railway station. I don't know where I got the original inspiration from but I guess it was something I read. Anyhow, you can take a look, if you want! The links are in the sidebar. Oh yeah, before I go, I must tell you that we had some fun performing last weeks really bad lyric: Canaletto! Everytime I said/sang 'Look how Canaletto I am?' I did a sort of sideways punting action. How daft's that? By the way if you want to sing Canaletto it works well to the Beatles tune obladeoblada life goes on! But think Marlon Brando! Canaletto = Macho!
Well regular readers will know that today is the start of my real diet! My quick weight loss has ended for ever and I now have to think before I eat. So, was the scheme successful? Yes, I achieved my target but I now know that the hard work is in front of me keeping the pounds at bay! Hopefully I will never have to mention weight/weight loss ever again. Hold on, you can buy my book! Only joking...