Manchester towers...

 Andy's 150 word daily nonsense challenge

Here's mine:

HERE'S THE KEY

So what does new mean to the people of Manchester is new something that happened today or yesterday how far do we have to go back to find something that we can describe as new the Manchester One Tower is sixty years old that's old in most peoples books but Fraser House across the street is a hundred years older than that so what's new everybody says they love the old Victorian buildings but they hate the new towers that blight the city if only they knew that many of the new towers are not all that new look at the CIS Tower in fact many are older than the people who claim to dislike anything new and here's the key you see if a building for example was built before you were born it is old in the minds of some but if built in their lifetime it's new

19032022/150

Jaw jaw...

 

Andy's 150 word daily nonsense challenge

Here's mine:

A NEW FANGLED WORLD

We're all worse off than we were before

There ain't no winners in a Mickey Mouse war

It's snowing in Beijing while bombs fall like rain upon Ukraine

Be a good guy to Chou en Lai recall the chant

an' don't forget what Nixon said that Putin's a good guy too

The Siberian holiday camps are Khuilo's not Pontin's

His bullets and bombs masked by Luzhniki Stadium songs

If you're not for us he rants you're against the special operation

Even the Chinese have said it's a difficult situation

With many strands to be untangled yet

There's a new fangled world emerging out of this war

Jaw jaw what a bore if only lives weren't being lost

The Kremlin are playing chess and strategic games

and they don't give a toss they don't know the rules of cricket

They'll only know it's a sticky wicket when they're all caught out

18032022/150

Like Blenkinsopp...

 Andy's 150 word daily nonsense challenge

Here's mine:

RUBBER BULLETS

More experts than a betting shop full of punters what time's the next bus from Basrah don't mention the war the mercenaries are already on board rubber bullets are in short supply the cooling towers are overheating what are you going to do when the four minute warning goes up run for your life or stay and fight rubber bullets are in short supply how many tanks does it take to flatten a city how many conscripts to lose their lives for a corrupt cause why die for pie in the sky ideology rubber bullets are in short supply as the ice and snow starts to defrost Russian half track vehicles sink in the mush their freezing cold tanks vulnerable to attack from the Ukraine vigilantes rubber bullets are in short supply collaborators conspiracy theorists fake news false eyelashes blinking like Blenkinsopp social media rubber bullets are in short supply

Andy Sewina (c) 13.03.22

Under the sea...

 

Andy's 150 word daily nonsense challenge

Here's mine:

MONSTER OF THE DEEP

North America and south of the equator deep down in the oceans far below anything that man can safely see there lives a monster and he's been called the monster of the deep although no living man woman or child has ever seen him let alone asked him what his name might or might not be so how do these stories come about did sailors of old see the monster of the deep or did the monster of the deep reveal himself to them on some occasion or maybe many times who knows nobody really remembers most people sitting at home in front of a warm log fire couldn't give a fig one way or the other however there are one or two people in the world who care and seek the truth about this matter the whole truth and nothing but the truth about the monster of the deep

11032022/1/150

Slightly Football...

 Andy's 150 word daily nonsense challenge

Here's mine:

THE NEW MANAGER

As contradictory as a football coach often is when his goalie says I thought the coach was National Express and the number nine thought that Salford Van Hire was a Dutch footballer the actual coach who was in fact the new manager of the team fined them both a weeks wages for their stupidity which didn't stop them from being stupid at all but just meant that they paid less tax that month than the usual amount that they supported the government with as for their income it didn't decrease and they were still able to spend ridiculous amounts of cash on body ink and super fast automobiles at the end of the day they were no worse off than when they started their attempt at stupid banter with the international manager who had recently arrived in the country to accelerate their team to the top of the national league

10032022/2/150

Here's one from yesterday...

 

Andy's 150 word daily nonsense challenge

Here's mine:

CRACKPOT

She slips and she slides and she glides flip flopping but will she reach the other side crackpot as a concrete ballerina skating on thin ice slipping and sliding flip flopping her way across the frozen waterway only she doesn't know about the cracks made by the kids throwing bricks that will soon be the death of her if she falls through the ice which she will if she doesn't get off that frozen canal quick or reach the opposite bank in a hurry no worry she thinks I'm wearing my padded jacket and my waterproof makeup what could possibly go wrong she starts to sing if I had a bargepole I'd leap across the cut if I had a narrowboat I'd sail it out to sea but I ain't got a bargepole or a narrowboat not me she slips and she slides non stop never reaching the other side

09022022/4/150

Edited version of a 2010 post...

 

Here's an edited version of one I wrote in 2010

150 word daily nonsense challenge

Here's mine:

SHE KNOWS

She knows that I know that she knows everything about me that I know that I don’t know how I do the things that I do she’s got photographs to prove it and witnesses who’ll swear to it she won’t be happy till she’s got me right where she wants me not that she wants me any more than she wanted that other poor sod who ended up in the same place that she thinks she’s got me going she keeps on calling me she must think that I’m her puppet and that only she can pull my strings but this other girl’s tugging at my heart and begging me to enter her world and she knows that too because she put the thoughts into my head she put the words into my mouth she types the letters that I write she knows that I know that she’s manipulating me

24042+10/25012022

When I remember...

 

150 word daily nonsense challenge

Here's mine:

EIGHT MINUTES

Eight minutes is a long time to some no time at all to others not everybody can be right can they – eight minutes is three minutes longer than five minutes and two minutes shorter than the the ten minute norm - I wonder only as out loud - photographic memories lost in the library of discontent – although eight minutes is the time it takes to walk half a mile or so and to achieve about two miles give or take a few inches on a bicycle - you can drive a car eight miles at sixty miles per hour or read about two thousand words depending on the content and if your finger hurts – this is not of course a definitive guide to what you can do in eight minutes so don't complain if these things take you longer or less – what can you do in eight minutes - answers on a postcard please

16012022/150

Sounds like something else...

 

150 word daily nonsense challenge

Here's mine:

SANDCASTLE BEACH

I left a text on your thing that goes ring I'm still waiting for you to reply don't keep me waiting please ding me thingy I really want you to try / cookies ice cream my kind of dreams any thing that you say / I'm sandwich deep on sandcastle beach longing for you to stop by / 'cos if you don't come the picnic's no fun / so give me a ring a ding a ling from your old dog and bone / don't leave me alone I need you with me tonight / don't stay away I want us to be together / walking around and dancing up town or sitting on sandcastle beach / whatever happens I'll always be true you know I'm in love with you / I left another message on your answerphone / for now I'm begging you to come home / don't let me down pretty please I think that I'm starting to cry

12012022/150

No Nonsense...

 

150 word daily nonsense challenge

Here's mine:

ROUND THE BEND

Barking as a mummified dog what went wrong and what's going on in Egypt I think they thought that the dogs were gods when the magic carpets came years ago from Prediluvionia however things aren't like that never have been look at the jelly fish that live forever and the billionaires that are injecting themselves with jelly fish glue does it work I'll let you know in a hundred years or so do unicorns really exist and how did you hide your third eye so no one else would know Stonehenge drives me round the bend and the Ley lines under my house pull me down to the earths core metaphorically speaking I find myself searching the back garden and the forest beyond for buried treasure that the Vikings may or may not have left behind my metal detector starts buzzing but only locates jar lids and rusted tin cans

11012022/1

Open League...

 

150 word nonsense challenge

Here's mine:

NEVER MIND THE FA CUP

Flags flutter stutter utter denial religion on trial football was never so good on TV never mind the FA Cup what about an Open League where any team can play for free against any club from any league imagine me and my Subbuteo team up against Real Madrid and we're losing two nil at half time but I bring a couple of cardboard subs on Roy Race and Alf Tupper (the runner) and before you can say boo to a goose we're three two up and the referee blows her penny whistle for full time fantasy football it's not like I said to the Rugger player if you can't play football just pick up the ball and run there are of course those down under and over the pond and the Irish sea that think that that's more fun flags flutter stutter utter denial football on trial never mind TV

09012022/150

Happy New Year...

 

OTHER METALS

like secret caves under the sea

inexplicable to me

everything different somehow

nothing much is as it seems

cryptic as the day's long now

stale tales visions dreams

whiskies gins the ladies sing

a ragmans ring silver gold

anagrams of other things

other metals bought 'n' sold

treasures lost fortunes found

ciders beers ales and stout

runners riders underground

how do these things come about

inexplicable to me

like secret caves under the sea

03012022/1

2021 #4

 

Napowrimo 2021

Day Four

HELLO AM I EVEN WANTED

Yesterday they told me to fill the machines

today they said don't touch anything or else

sometimes I get really confused about things

they say that I'm being lazy but I do try

The bubble gum machines get very sticky

I asked if I could make them nice and clean

but they told me it wasn't my job to do that

don't touch anything or we'll batter you

You're getting a pay rise - so the maximum amount

will be the minimum wage - they tell me

I used to get plenty more than that

but they didn't raise my wages for ages

Do they need me hello am I even wanted

No we know you know zilch about nothing

04042021

Please note that all my NaPoWriMo posts this year will be published on my Pub Poetry page 'Straight talking Street talking Sweet' at: www.sewina.blogspot.com

 

Shirkers...

 I wrote this one a while ago, but have now rewritten it slightly...

WATCHERS

Clock watchers at Dicks and Becks

the warehouse where they wear cool specs

Then one day shock horror

the clocks were changed for mirrors

Now the shirkers look at one another cold

and watch themselves grow old

230618/07022021

Vile viral virus

 

PHARMASAURUS

There's a new dinosaur in the room

during this vile viral virus

exceptions to the rules apply

Don't throw away the instructions

read the small print

read the very small print twice

Take one tablet a day

for the rest of your life

Two pills twice a day

at breakfast and supper

Don't drink anything fermented

weekdays or weekends

Have you had your flu jab yet

when do you get your vaccination

Are you able to come to the pharmacy

and queue outside in the rain

Don't worry we can send your meds

through the post once you've got the app

Send us your script and your bank details

and authorise us to debit your account

Sit back and enjoy the lockdown it's illegal

to leave your house without good reason

Exceptions to ze rulz apply during

this vile viral virus

There's a new dinosaur in the room

Pharmasaurus

30012021

Something I wrote in April last year...

 LOCKDOWN

The lunatics are running the asylum

Trumpington and Twopence

have no cents sense

The trouble is we're all locked in

locked up

Lockdown not in my town

I'd rather be locked in the pub

drinking beer

whisky

vodka lemonade

But I'm afraid

The lunatics are running the asylum

King Karloff with his brand new prince

Nicola Fish

Haggis dish

cover yer kite in public hen

In Singapore they're building more

hospitals for the rich and poor

'cos they're expecting a second wave

of Coronavirus on their shores

Rub-a-dub-dub three men in a pub

and how do you think they got there

through the back door

where they pulled up a chair

the doctor the vicar the undertaker

smoking cigars supping boilermakers

The trouble is we're all locked in

locked up

Lockdown your town too

and the lunatics are running the asylum

29042020

More from 2020...

 

FOR FITS SAKE

They told me at sixteen

You're too young to die

but we don't think you'll make twenty one

definitely not twenty five

In my seventh decade now

fighting fit for fits sake

Walking stick football

forty then forty five

came and went

Attack defence sub

Subbuteo Shove ha'penny

armchair TV

A new millennium

appeared swallowed me up

with all its apps aches

likes and dripping taps

Mobile madness

inbuilt sickness

inane sadness

The fat controller

breaks out Brexit

petit dejeuner demain

flu jab over

covert covid

Hold out your hand

and we'll stab you again

31122020/1

HAPPY NEW YEAR

 

NEARLY OVER

Another year kaput

the air borne

mind blown

window pain

No pane of glass

or grain of sand

everything swept

under the rug

to make a fresh start

Even the no mug flies have flown

We alone are caught

in the spiders web

Nearly over

it's not even begun

covid-21

31122020

Coronavirus 10 napowrimo 2020 #1

It's napowrimo time again and my contributions will be posted on

my Straight Talking Street Talking Sweet... bloggage at sewina.blogspot.com

VIRUS INVISIBLE

Happening everywhere under the sun

yellow blue black an' white an' brown stroke red

she may be red but not as dull as dun

an enemy that goes over my head

What will happen if the night sky turns white

and red - unlike the chops upon her cheeks

which way will we delight in her delight

there's nothing I can say although she reeks

This new virus invisible you know

we can't see it or even hear its sound

numbers undertaking all on the go

and lose - how many more will go to ground

Although coronavirus might be rare

it's too early to know how to compare

01042020/SH130

Coronavirus 8

novirusinformation dot con

Thunder clapping light embracing the shame

they tell me it's not love it must be lust

oh what a crying shame but who's to blame

if there's no one to care who can you trust
Novirusinformation dot con/straight

they tell us that we can have what we had

the things we hate will multiply like bait

before they get better or drive us mad
Mad as a hatter or mad lazy so

crazy baby lazy to the extreme

isolation living the dream whoa woe

explanation on hold like my big dream
Victory will come when we all get well

okay until then our lives might be hell

29032020/1/SH129

Coronavirus 7

BOWER NOT FLOWER

If only things were made out to be fair

the time it takes make no mistake to name

that come what may Charlie will still be heir

although if this virus puts us to shame

Across the globe who will remain in power

only the ones who face us face to face

therefore if their ideas do not flower

they will lose power and end in disgrace

They ask is day as bright as night is black

or are things not really quite as they seem

the rich will still be rich and have no lack

workers can only dream of self esteem

So troubles come and go in times of woe

if that's the way things are it sure looks so

28032020/SH127

Coronavirus 6

WHAT A CONUNDRUM

Where did you go to my long long lost friend

please don't pretend that you're everyone's friend

Bitter sweet holiday

romance it ain't

there's always a reason

to season with salt

In Norfolk and Windsor

she may be the Queen

been at the helm

before Karloff was born

But now that he's got it

and Charlie boy too

what a conumdrum

the heir to the throne

So don't come to Cornwall

or Scotland or Wales

do as they tell you

don't do as they do

Where did you go to my long long lost friend

please don't pretend that you're everyone's friend

27032020

Coronavirus 5

GOD BLESS THE NHS

Contradiction personified

they talk about the turning tide

food parcels will be left outside

Seventy eight point seven four zero two

inches not only when you're in the queue

at work practice social distance too

God bless the NHS stay home save lives

no work no income how will they survive

Universal Credit – you can't get through

but volunteers got signed by half past two

Seventy eight point seven four zero two

inches not only when you're in the queue

at work practice social distance too

Contradiction personified

they talk about the turning tide

food parcels will be left outside

26032020

Coronavirus 4

COVID – 19

conspiracy theory

they say people say

the powers that be

and their puppet Gendarmes

they've got us

where they want us

locked up

or locked down

in every city

countryside village

or self isolated town

However rules are elective

and only apply

to the unschooled unwashed

but not to the guy

that wants to keep making

more products to sell

hell he'll find ways to

keep his wokforce well

well maybe not well but

you know what I mean

he'll say they're essential

to the NHS scheme

of course what he really means

is his personal wealth

he's entitled to dream

25032020

Coronavirus 3

RARELY REALLY

(SURELY NOT THAT)

So (comma) they say - before they respond

spondulicks lighting up their greedy eyes

yes – so – the buzz response to anything

kerching un-till the Jack and Jill is full

Full of candy and sugar coated dough

doe ray me far so - so what - sew it up

put I before E except after C

see what I'm talking about now – money

Money money money bread and honey

phoney telephoney transportation

transport by buses trains and cars it's not

nothing is - rarely really - what it seems

Seems like so - is the new well – how deep's that

that's way out and groovy - surely not that

24032020

Coronavirus 2

SIDEWAYS AIN'T UP

Uncertain uncertainty

insanity believe me

no one knows 'cos

the answer ain't here

Welcome to the global village

that's too tired to sleep

Leap up and down

(in your dreams)

and celebrate the street

take a walk in the forest

but watch out for those Gestapo trees

Cuckoo as the Stepford Quintet

experimental triangulation

with a pinch of Tippex (Strikethrough) sex

Now nobody can go anywhere

unless they've got some place to go

Ironically chronically

de ja vue we've not been this scared

since nineteen eighteen

Emotionally unstable

the insatiable appetite

of the super bitch

sadists masochists

and the extremely rich

To Karloff and his phoney cronies

sideways ain't up

23032020

Coronavirus

COLD OR BEEK

cyrus virus

the sparrow's beak

corona pop the saxaul's peek

at lonely girl

bubble and squeak

is isolation cold or beek

up the paddle

without a creak

as silent as a lonely leek

when she went up

atop the peak

the tide was turning in the creek

no one was there

oh what a weak

and helpless thing timid and meek

so far apart

things look so bleak

pray she gets better by next week

cyrus virus

the sparrow's beak

corona pop the saxaul's peek

at lonely girl

bubble and squeak

is isolation cold or beek

22032020

What's it all about???

THAT MYTHICAL OUNCE

If they did it the way we wanted it

to be done it would be okay but they

have no clue which way is up

They run their company like a dinner lady

running a nineteen sixties school canteen

they're full of hot air not quite up to full steam

Living the dream off the back of the working men

and women that graft for food and drink and a roof

over their head if their lucky plucky perhaps

Waiting for the right time to pounce

on that mythical ounce of gold

that we were told would be definitely could be ours

If we keep our heads down and our noses clean

it's like talking to a brick wall trying to get any sense

out of them the entitled ones that think they rule

Of course they do while we let them drive roughshod

over us as we cower to their demands for lower pay

increased productivity and a longer working day

22022020

The American CEO

THE AMERICAN CEO

(From the TV show Undercover Boss)

Employee: Wow! That's amazing,

I'd never have guessed that you were the boss.

Boss: I just wanna tell you that I'm really pleased

with your work and I wanna give you a raise and a

company car, in addition to that I wanna buy you a

house and give you fifty thousand dollars to send

your kids to college.

Employee: But, I don't have any kids!

Boss: Okay, okay, I'll give you another fifty thousand

bucks to buy some.

02102019

My Sweet Lord...

MY SWEET LORD

I worship you in every single way

sing praises to your name day after day

Oh thank you thank you thank you My Sweet Lord

thank you that my salvation is assured

Forgive me Lord each time I go astray

forgive me when I fail you each day

I pray Sweet Lord that others will be saved

that they will no longer be enslaved

I pray that I can share your word each day

and know that you're the truth the life the way

090917/1

Bless The Lord...

BLESS THE LORD

Bless the Lord and worship Him for sure

praise His holy name for ever more

Forgive us Lord for failing you each day

for failing you in every single way

Thank you Father for giving us your son

to die to save us each and every one

We pray this wicked world will hear the call

and many will be saved despite the fall

We ask in Jesus Name that you will bless

everything we do when we confess

090917  

May Day Poem 2017 (Nairobics version)

AND ANYTHING BIGGER THAN RHINOCEROS

Apprehend retribution and anything bigger than Rhinoceros

The city grows exponentially as the hoards of the poor increase

Nobody knows the fine art of devaluation like the corrupt

Bent as a nine bob note he goes for the proverbial jugular

Dollars and cents unimportant as the great wall of Chihuahua

All these self important people running around chasing their own tails

They’ll tell you anything they think you want to hear like it or not sideways

We’re both doing the same thing in different back yards digging doesn’t help

When the balloon goes up we all get burnt not just those that play with fire

We all try to make our mark sometimes too casually but someday…

Careful what you wish for there’s a ball and chain welded to that railing

Her smile is deadly and her voice will mesmerise you if you let it

Love is just out of reach just beyond the fence that you can’t jump over

Different cities will flash through your memory as you tune back in

Who are you and why/how often do you come to this great place to pray?

He walks out of the cathedral blinking in the warm sunlight outside

Everybody’s a number now they have all been fish chipped and tattooed

She thinks I’m following her in the rain with a broken umbrella

At the tailors he bought a suit had it altered smart as a Munchkin

Jointed disappointed… and anything bigger than Rhinoceros

010517/1 Nairobics version 

The original version of this piece is on my STSTS blog.