Back in September..

Sorry Folks!
Gone Camping!

I'll be back in September
for a few days and hope
to post something then..


In the meantime have you tried this yet?

That Quiet Life..

DRIVEN

Which way now?

PHOTO-THINGY
This is my first digital photo and guess what? I didn't actually take it. I was present when it was shot and I did help frame it but I didn't actually press the blooming button and it wasn't my camera. No, all credit must go to Nic's mum Pat Batty. The photo is of course one of the fancy chimneys at Bramhall Hall.
BRAMHALL PARK
We went to Bramhall Park recently, where we had a light lunch in the yard outside the cafe. As it was such a pleasant day we then went for a stroll around the Hall and gardens. This was when we/she took the photo of the chimney. There are some very nice places to walk in the park and it is well worth a visit, especially if you like watery things as a stream called Lady Brook, complete with weirs, runs right through this park.
MAP REF:
In my version of the Manchester A-Z (2002 De Luxe) The grid reference is 4F page 151 photo copyright (c) Pat Batty 2oo8

Shout it out!

CON-GESTION CHARGE?
YES PLEASE!
Okay, I bet you never thought you'd see it on my page but Yes Please! I want the con-gestion charge, not only in Manchester and London but Bristol and Birmingham and Glasgow and every other town and city in the UK too. I want it in every village and hamlet on this Island, in fact I want it in every place that I'm ever likely to go. 'You've changed your tune,' I can almost hear you say. Oh no I haven't, I reply. You see, when I say that I want the con-gestion charge, I mean that I want the local councils and the powers that be to pay ME! Every time I'm stuck in traffic, every time I'm held up or delayed wherever and whenever that may be. You see it is my firm belief that if the road signing and the traffic flow was improved, then there wouldn't be any need for this nasty con-gestion charge at all.
MORE MAD ROAD MAD LINKS
Clink-this-link If you want to read more of my road mad stories.
Clink-the-link to The future is free?
Clink-the-link What I said about the mad roads in June 2007.
Clink-the-link to my July 17th 2007 posting
Clink-the-link to my bit for July 24th 2007.
Clink-the-link On the Buses..
Clink-the-link Madchester.. Congestion What?
Clink-the-link London, Electric Vehicles!
Clink-the-link Bus De-regulation!
Clink-the-link Fifty-five minute ride..
Clink-the-link Cottonopolis!

The Hottest Day..

STICKY
It's been one of those hot and muggy sort of days today, I feel sticky, even now at this late hour. It's almost midnight here and yet it's still very hot. We had a little rain about seven thirty but it didn't last for long and it was a kind of hot water rain, not the cold heavy stuff we're used to in Manchester. Well, that was the weather report and I only mention it (the weather) because last week on blogs elsewhere I was complaining about the abundance of rain and lack of sunshine in this neck of the woods.
SPACE INVADERS!
Have you had a butchers hook yet? If you don't know what I'm rabbiting on about, I'll explain. Space Invaders! is my-work-in-progress-novel that I'm actually writing warts an' all Online. You can clink-the-link Here. Now I'm not saying it's the greatest thing since sliced whatsit, or anything like that. I'm not asking you or begging you to buy the book. It is in fact absolutely free for anyone to read (if they want to). Anyhow, all I'm asking is have you had a look yet? If you do venture over to Space Invaders! please remember that this Online version is only a rough first draft and that the final publication might well be very different (improved, hopefully!).
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOBY!
A BIG Happy Birthday to my nephew Toby! Hi Toby, I guess you think I've forgotten your birthday, well I haven't but yes I did forget to send the card on time, you should get it in the morning, only a couple of days late! So, Happy, Happy Birthday Toby! I trust you had a great day and all the very best wishes for this next year, writes Uncle Andy.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY RUTH
Phew! It's one of those weeks where everybody seems to be having a birthday.

Cottonopolis..

ROAD CHARGING
What's all this nonsense about road charging? Okay, I thought we had dealt with this stupidity already on this blog but obviously the powers that be don't read these pages, so here we go again. Manchester does not need road charging in any shape or form. There is no congestion in Manchester or on the roads of Greater Manchester or on the routes into and out of this metropolis.
BLOCKED ARTERIES
What we do have however, is a growing number of blocked arteries. These are caused by bad planning, bad road signing and deliberate attempts to slow the traffic flow by the different local councils. One of the things that annoys me and other motorists in this city is the number of no right or no left turn signs.
BITTER COST
No amount of arguing, ranting and raving or just plain and simple shouting about the bitter cost of road charging will make a haporth of difference because the powers that be have already decided what they want and what is best for us. Yes it always comes down to that in the end doesn't it? Us and them! You see, while everybody else is out there debating the pros and cons of road charging, they (the powers that be) have already introduced it.
PARKING WARS
You see, what they've done is they've made it so difficult for anybody to park in the city centre. If you can find a space you have to pay and if you overstay you get a ticket. And then all the nearby places like Hulme where the motorist could park and walk to the city centre they've gone and made it residents parking only. Fair enough, the local residents need somewhere to park of course they do, but what about all those vacant lots, surely some of them could be made into car parks.
DRIVING ROUND
Sometimes it seems like the streets are really congested, but if you travel by bike like I often do, you will know that the traffic is directed into congestion corridors. What I mean by this is that there are many alternative routes in this city that are unused. I can cycle right across the city centre in the evening rush hour using the empty back streets and hardly meet a moving car at all. In fact I've noticed the same vehicles going round the same circuit time and again either looking for somewhere to park or trying to pick up their son/daughter/wife/etc. from the shops, just driving round and round wasting fuel, time and energy at great cost to us all.
THINK AGAIN!
The message to the faceless powers that be, must be, Think again! Firstly if they did introduce a charge to enter or leave the city at different times of day it would be the very people who live and work here who would have to pay extra for the privilege, how mad is that? Secondly, all the other big conurbations in this country have already rejected the idea as unworkable. Thirdly, in the case of Cottonopolis I believe it would be very wrong to introduce a road charge, after all what happened to Free Trade?
RAPID TRANSIT
Anyway, before a road charge could be made all the alternatives should be looked at. In Manchester and throughout the area we have hundreds of miles of disused and or dismantled railway tracks. The local A-Z map used to say: reserved for rapid transit in the year 2000. The latest editions don't and the year 2000 has long since come and gone. What we still have though are unused routes that could be made into dedicated bus ways etc.
BUSES
Don't you just hate buses? We shouldn't but we do because they are too expensive, they don't go where we need them to, they take stupid congestion corridor routes etc. If we are serious about alternatives to private car ownership then we need to get the buses sorted. The first thing we need to do is de-privatise the blooming buses. It makes sense doesn't it? They (the powers that be) don't want us to have private cars but they are happy for us to pay top dollar to line the pockets of the private bus companies. How mad do they think we are?
SOLUTION
The future is free, or so they tell me. You see what really happens is, it's free to get in but you have to pay to get out. And that is exactly what road charging is like. In short it's a swizz! But there is a solution, of course there is. If we did introduce road charging in five years time and get a shed full of money from the government for being a guinea pig, would this amount be enough to de-privatise the bus companies and if not, well, it really isn't enough, is it? The solution is make the buses free for everyone! You think that's mad? It would be mad not to!
MORE MAD ROAD MAD LINKS
Clink-this-link If you want to read more of my road mad stories.
Clink-the-link to The future is free?
Clink-the-link What I said about the mad roads in June 2007.
Clink-the-link to my July 17th 2007 posting
Clink-the-link to my bit for July 24th 2007.
Clink-the-link On the Buses..
Clink-the-link Madchester.. Congestion What?
Clink-the-link London, Electric Vehicles!
Clink-the-link Bus De-regulation!
Clink-the-link Fifty-five minute ride..

Split Knee Loons!

SHOPPING
Don't you just hate shopping? I'm talking about all that city centre stuff, being dragged around from store to store looking for the latest trend. That's Jack's idea of shopping, he just knows what he wants and doesn't stop till he gets it. My idea of shopping is to find a bargain but Jack, he just wants the latest thing regardless of price.
SUNGLASSES
While I was waiting for Jack to reappear up the escalator in one store I had a look at the sunglasses on the bargain counter. I finally found a pair that were big enough to fit over my distance glasses when Jack arrived and informed me that the ones I had chosen were for girls. I hurridly put them back on the shelf.
FASHION
You know the old saying 'What goes around, comes around' well, in the fashion stakes that is really true. We were in one place on Saturday looking for Jack's 'must have' jeans when I spotted the latest trend 'Loons' and in all different colours. If you're anywhere near as old as I am you'll remember them from the early 1970's. They had a special stitching on the knee and we used to call them 'Split Knee Loons' and some of them came in two colours one shade above the knee and another below the knee. Not to be confused with 'two tones' and 'two tone tonic strides'. Which of course were something quite different.
HARRINGTON JACKETS
The Harrington Jacket is one of those items that keeps on making the rounds. They keep on cropping up in different places and sometimes it seems like they've never been out of fashion. Even when they couldn't be found on the high street, you could always get one from the Army and Navy stores and these days of course there's loads of sites on the internet that sell them. But what I want to know is what the original name for the Harrington jacket was? You see, In England we call them Harrington's after a character in an American tv soap (Peyton Place) who used to wear one.
HARRINGTON UPDATE
Okay, that was quick, Baracuta G9 is the real/original name of the Harrington Jacket and guess what? It dates right back to 1938 which makes this year its seventieth aniversary. Elvis Presley and Frank Sinatra both wore the Baracuta Jacket in Hollywood films. I've been told that the Baracuta company is still in business in Britain and that they are producing a seventieth aniversary G9 jacket. So there!
PICTURES? CLINK-THE-LINK
www.baracuta-g9.com
MORE NEXT TIME..

When the sun shines..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOE!

One Step Forward...

FREE LUNCH

SUBURBIANITY

Nothing much to say..

DIGITAL DRUMS
Jack's latest 'must have' item, is a set of digital drums. 'You can practice all night without disturbing anybody' he tells me. So, off we go to the digital drum shop to have a look. 'I don't want those ones' he says straight away, as I look at the five hundred quid set near the door. 'They're rubbish, we've got some like that at school and you don't get a proper sound from them,' he continues. 'That's the sort I want!' he shouts, running over to the two thousand five hundred pound equipment.
DIGITAL BOOK
Funnily enough, I've been working on Nic's Digital Book this week. She wants me to make a CD version of her autobigraphical stories The Ziggy Collection. Not an audio book, you understand but a text version that people can read on their computer screens. A sort of E-book perhaps. Well anyway, we're calling it a digital book and we're putting it onto CD and into a dvd case with a nice cover. (A picture of a Ziggy Carousel, drawn by Nic's dad.) The idea of putting it into a dvd case is so that it can go on your bookshelf just like a paperback book might.
RAW MEAT
For those of you who don't know, Nic writes a monthly Newsletter, Raw Meat. She's been doing it warts 'an all, every month (just about) since the end of the last century. Now, eight or nine years doesn't sound like a long time but in this digital age. It's well, erm, an eternity?

April Showers..

ANOROBIC DIGESTION
Anorobic anorak? Yeah, right! Leave it with me. I don't know much about the above mentioned process, but it was in the news this week. The gist of it is, is that some local authority's and government departments want to build a plant to process waste. Which is a great idea a bit like my own little idea that I'll let you develop here.
POWER FREE
My idea/challenge to you, is to build a system that will capture some of the energy generated as a by product of driving your car and re-using it as power in the home. I believe that all the components and technology to do this already exist and that somebody with a technical mind could develop a product of this nature... go for it!
LIQUID SKIN?
I was talking about shopping local last time and putting my money where my mouth is, I went out and bought a new kitchen knife from a local shop. Great? It was! and it was sharp too, possibly the sharpest knife I'd ever used. I was chopping the onions and slicing the tomatoes and having a great time till... Ouch! I cut into my fingernail and made a bloody incision into the delicate skin behind it. I rushed to the cold water tap and struggled to clean and dress the wound, the plaster wouldn't stick. It was then that I thought 'wouldn't it be great if you could buy Liquid Skin in a tin and spray it on.'
MOTIS OPERANDO

Nearly nearley...

LAST WEEK
It's a good job that I said I'd update this blog nearly every Tuesday, because I missed it last week and I very nearly didn't show again today. So, sorry about last week and I apologise to each one of you who turned to these pages, only to find that there was no update.
THIS WEEK
Well, I am here today and I do have something to say, if I can find it, hold on a mo..
That's right, last week I came down with an awful cold, it was one of those things that just drains you completely, you think that you'll never recover and then the next day you're 'right as rain!' So, today, I'm back on form but still not totally recovered. At least I can see the monitor and the keyboard so perhaps, we can put the world to rights once again.
SHOP LOCAL
'Shop local' was the message I had intended to lead with last week. I try and use my local shops because it's a case of 'use 'em or lose 'em these days. The last thing we want to do is to lose our local shops. In this little bit of Bohemia we are probably more fortunate than some of our more affluent neighbours when it comes to local shops. We still have the famous 'corner shop' on every other block and other good shops like Hensons Hardware on Great Western Street and Arties Barbershop on Claremont Road.
SHOPS
Don't you just love all those convenience stores that are springing up on every high street. To give you an example, we've got ten of them on our street, each one of them is a double fronted mini-market with a fruit and veg stall outside and a Hal-AL butchers counter inside. They're very nice and convenient if you run out of something or just want a bar of chocolate but you couldn't afford to do your weekly shop there. Or could you? You see, sometimes the local shops are actually cheaper than the big stores. And, you usually don't have to wait in that big long queue. The best thing about them though is that they are local and they are convenient.
ONLINE NOVEL
Have you been over to visit my Online Novel, Space Invaders! yet? If not, you can clink-the-link HERE and transport yourself through cybersapace and take a butchers hook. What you will have to realise, of course, is that it is very much a work-in-progress-novel. So please don't expect a polished and finished masterpiece - 'cos it 'ain't...
SERIOUS THING
Do you want to know something serious? Only joking, but I do have a link here to a Serious Thing, it is in fact the title of a little number by Misty's Big Adventure and Grandmaster Gareth who stars in this video is one of the famous people who shares my birthday - you-can-clink-the-link to Grandmaster Gareth in my sidebar. Oh yeah, Misty's is my/our fave/fab Birmingham band and even I - who hates going out of the house thesedays - have been to see them a couple of times in Manchester. Erotic Volvo at al. (EV is the mad dancer by the way).

Snow weather...

SNOW
CLOSED
FOR EASTER
CONGESTION

CAMPERVAN
Over the years we've had a number of Volkswagen vans and campervans. We've also had loads of problems with them. Anyway, at the moment we have a big car and a trailer tent, but we're thinking of changing it again for a van.
You see, we just love vans... They're so easy to get Nic in and out of and they suit our lifestyle...
We can just throw all the camping stuff in the back of the van and head for the beach.
HEADACHE
It's a big headache though, searching for the ideal vehicle. We know what we want, it's just that to get the van we want would cost a fortune, so we will have to compromise - but isn't that true for everybody? Well, No! But...
JACK WANTS...
Jack wants us to get a long wheel based Transporter with lowered suspension and tinted windows and the whole thing painted in black. Nic wants a day van with a rock 'n roll bed and a picnic basket. I want a fully loaded campervan with a massive drive away awning.
COMPROMISE
Somewhere between the three ideals lies the compromise. For a start, I've already seen/located a low mileage short wheel base Transporter that's fitted with a wheelchair ramp and floor tracking and more to the point if we're being realistic, it's just about within our price range. So...
TOW BAR
The downside to the van I've located is that the wheelchair ramp is at the rear, which means that we can't have a tow-bar, which in turn means that we can't tug the flaming trailer tent. I don't know if we can de-fix the rampage and enter by the side loading door which is what we have always done before, mainly because all the old Transporters we had, had the engine at the back. Anyway...

Life goes on...

THE ESCAPE
You can clink-the-link to my really bad pub-poetry blog and watch my son Jack's film The Escape. The best action film ever... http://sewina.blogspot.com/2008/03/pure-poetry.html
RECYCLING
We've mentioned recycling before on these pages and we/I most probably will do again. Recycling is one of those things that has crept up over the years until we can't remember what it was like when we threw everything in the dustbin. Well, in this little bit of Bohemia there are still some people who throw everything straight onto the street. We have had wheelie bins for more than ten years now and people haven't really got used to them here. They've got used to the fact that all the back alleys are littered with the filthy smelly rat infested things - but they haven't in general figured out what to do with them yet.
SCAFFOLDING
You see the problem is that if you put a wheelie bin in your back yard the local robbers and thieves will use it as scaffolding to help them break and enter into your house.
(1) They push the wheelie bin against your back wall underneath a window.
(2) They jump up on top of it and smash a window.
(3) They kick in the glass, pull down any curtain or blind, kick in any security grille.
(4) They enter through your smashed window, run into your house, kick down any locked doors.
(5) They grab your laptop, your mobile phone, any money, jewellery, bank books/cards.
(6) They exit, usually the same way they entered, almost before the alarm goes off.
(7) It all happens in the time it takes to read this.
GET AWAY CAR
Now the thing is, there are so many of these discarded wheelie bins in this neighbourhood that the robbers actually use them as get away cars. After they've robbed your house by first of all using a wheelie bin as scaffolding, they now use a second wheelie bin, that they find in the back alley, to wheel your goods away. The police know all about this trick and often check the wheelie bins to see if any stolen property has been dumped there. Sometimes, they even find a robber or two hiding inside one of them.
ANSWERS
The answer in this area would be to use a different kind of wheelie bin. You see, not only are the wheelie bins a nuisance to the householders and an eyesore to the general public, but they are also a health hazard, when they are left discarded in back alleys and overturned. Once they are overturned they become overrun with mice and rats and the fly tippers discard their rubbish on top and before you know it the whole alley is infested. Individual wheelie bins should be scrapped in Moss Side and other areas of Manchester and replaced with those big wheeled bins like the shops have.
COLOUR CODED
If you go out into the suburbs you'll see different coloured wheelie bins, green ones for one kind of mess and brown ones for another and black ones for this kind of rubbish and blue ones for that sort of muck and this one'll be collected on this day and that one'll be collected on that day and the other one'll be picked up every fortnight and the first one'll be emptied every other Tuesday etc. Well, I'm sorry folks, but that won't work here! Because, we still can't manage the one black plastic wheelie bin that is emptied on the same day every week. However, I do have a solution that will work for a non-suburban terraced house neighbourhood.
BIG WHEELS
What we need is a big wheeled bin, like the shops have. Say one for every ten or fifteen houses. It would be neatly stationed at the end of a back alley and it would be for general household rubbish. Once this is in place and working, then you can introduce different big wheeled bins for different things. The trick is to have just one general rubbish bin at each station and one other bin. The other bin would need to be clearly marked for its intended purpose. At each station the second bin would be different to the second bin within a short circuit. So at the first station you could have say, a glass bin, at the second station, a waste paper bin, at the third station you might have a cardboard bin, at the next station a plastic bottle bin. etc.
COLLECTIONS
Then the issue of collections needs to be addressed. The faithful council binmen do a great job in all weathers and get little thanks for their efforts from the public or their employers. It's not easy having to cope with some of the mess, filth, and vermin that these men must face on a daily basis. On top of that you must take into consideration the terrible weather, the wet and the rain in winter and the heat of the great British summer and the associated smell and sickly stink that goes with it for the underpaid Hygiene Operative. Most of the above could and should be a thing of the past. Instead of having weekly or fortnightly collections, I believe we should introduce daily collections. Why?
WHY? HOW? WHEN? WHERE?
Okay, the reason why we need daily collections is to stop the filth and vermin and the fly tipping building up.
How to go about it? One way would be to allow the crews to go round a neighbourhood and empty the general household bins and then for the men to be paid a bonus for each tonne that they tip.
When? This could start as soon as the old wheelie bins are removed from our streets and the new big wheel bins are neatly put in place.
WHERE? You could start with my back alley, if you like.
RECYCLING POINTS
"Alright," said the councilor. "But we already have recycling points at all the supermarkets and some roadside collection places in some areas. Also, we have a fortnightly doorstep collection of certain recyclable goods. So, I can't see your problem!"
THE PROBLEM IS...
Okay, my problem with the supermarket recycling skips is that they have little letter box sized windows that you have to push the cartons or the bottles into. That's fine on a sunny day, if you've nothing better to do and you've got time to walk or cycle to the supermarket car park and stand there in the wet and freezing cold shoving bits of tat through a fuggin sharp metal slit with the gas guzzling Cheshire set laughing at you from their heated and air conditioned Chelsea tractors on their way back out of the city.
THE VERDICT
The thing is, nothing will change, no one will listen to what I have to say. Why should they? They, the powers that be, didn't take any notice of what I said about how to solve the congestion issue. They didn't listen when I told them what to do about the metrolink, local rail and buses. They didn't respond when I suggested that the Manchester supercasino project could be replaced with a money spinning, job creating, economy solving Eiffel style tower, so why will they scrap the individual wheelie bins in inner city neighbourhoods and replace them with hygienic big wheel bins like some shops have, now? They won't? What do you think about all this nonsense?

On the buses..

FREE WHAT?
The simple solution to the bus pass fiasco that is sweeping Manchester and other places is to make the blooming buses free for everyone. You think I'm joking? Think again! If this city is seriously worried about congestion and pollution then the future, as far as the buses go, must be free. Not just for people over sixty years of age. Children in Manchester need free transport Now! Shoppers in Manchester need free buses Now! Workers in Manchester need free buses Now! Buses are already free for kids and senior citizens in London, why not in other areas too?

Much too much...

TOO MUCH
When is too much not enough? And other questions of this ilk might be asked of those who don't know when to quit. I am of course talking about the Manchester Supercasino! The problem is that it's political and there's no easy answer. It's one of those, just when you think you've won, you've actually lost, situations. But that's what gambling's all about, surely. Okay, 3,000 prospective jobs have been left uncreated and another eyesore site in east Manchester remains on the drawing board. So, what's the answer?
QUICK-FIX
If you want a quick-fix to get the economy moving in an unemployment blackspot and severely deprived neighbourhood, then looking to the skies is the quick-fix solution. Of course, when I reveal my little plan to you, you'll come up with a dozen excuses of why it won't work. You'll reject it out-of-hand and you'll be amazed when another City, town or village takes the idea on board and profits from it. The quick-fix solution is build an Eiffel style tower. You only have to go to Paris to see how many tourists flock to this attraction.
UP IN THE CLOUDS!
Over a hundred years ago Blackpool built their scaled down version of the Tour de Eiffel, and the landmark that still stands today, is the reason why the Lancashire seaside resort remained such a popular destination throughout the last century.
The Parisian tower has four lifts, (elevators) one in each leg, whisking the never ceasing line of tourists to the viewing platform, some six hundred feet above the ground, and another lift takes people even higher, although not quite to the top, which is reached by steel steps and is over nine hundred feet up in the air. Which is of course equivalent to the height of a ninety plus storey building.
EYE-FULL TRIFLE
So Manchester, this is your big opportunity to cash-in and make a profit from the Supercasino site by using my quick-fix remedy before some other local authority sticks up their version of The Trifle Tower! or maybe The Eye-full Tower, perhaps The Awe-full Tower or would that be too awful to contemplate? Anyway, whoever does it, (and someone will) will profit and big-time too! Why? Because it's a tried and tested method! Of course the next version of this steel construction will have to be higher and have some super facilities. But, build it and they will come, in their hundreds and in their thousands with all their tourist Dollars, Euro's, Pounds and Yen. A project of this nature will create many many jobs and it will secure the economy of the whole area.
DON'T YOU JUST LOVE TOWERS?

Up in the air.

INTERNET TV
Like you, I don't have much time for TV these days, so the last thing anybody would want is Internet TV! Or is it, you see there are advantages to watching TV on the blog rather than on the box. The main thing in my mind is interaction, if the image on the screen is lacking you can quickly move on to something else. And I'm not talking about more TV, 'cos you can already do that on the box, can't you?
channel m TV for Manchester
Okay, this channel, channel m TV for Manchester is not strictly an Online thingy although you can watch clips at the Manchester Evening News site and at their web page as linked in my sidebar. The funny thing about channel m is that I used to be able to watch it on my old portable telly without an ariel and now with my digi-box I can't get it and I can't get it on terrestrial TV 'cos my remote control is broken and it's cheaper to replace the set than the handset if you get my drift, and I don't need to!
LETS GO GLOBAL
This one seems like a good little project. They're based just up the road from us in Old Trafford and my son Jack used to go along to some of the things they organised. He used to be really excited about going 'cos he loves making films and writing plays and performing in his band and I always thought that he would be able to do something really good with an opportunity like that. But no, his mates stopped going for one reason or another so he doesn't go (Lets Go Global) anymore.
Manchester-Live TV
This is a new one to me, but I like it. Manchester-live.TV are starting their own Online Soap Spinning Jenny and are actively looking for people to audition. So, if you fancy being an Online actor or actress, I suggest you clink-the-link. There are some good video clips on this site. If, for example, you want to find out what the restoration of the John Rylands Library on Deansgate looks like - this website is a good place to start. I'm waiting for someone to do one on canal walking, I'd love to do it myself of course but... Well, they won't ask me, will they?
Then of course I've got all these dead good ideas for a traffic movie, set on the Mancunian Way. And there's that other thing I want to do about cycling and green machines and Ziggy Bikes and my-home-made-extra-cycle! Dream on!
DON'T YOU JUST LOVE TOWERS?

February, sick and tired...

CIRCLES, STONE CIRCLES,LEY LINES, RADIUS, SIXTEEN MILE HIKE, FIFTY FOUR MILES. coming soon!
TELEVISION TIMES
We hardly ever watch TV these days, apart from football, Coronation Street and East Enders, only joking! Don't you just hate TV, all those adverts, and guess what? People actually watch the shopping channels  There are some good things on it, so they tell me. Anyway, we actually sat down the other day, which is quite hard to do in our front room with all Jack's musical instruments. He's got two drum kits now and an electric guitar and a massive electronic keyboard which he calls a piano! On top of that there's the full size slate-bed ex-pub pool table, a leather sofa and chair and a wall size TV and we've only got a little house. But that's what it's like in this little bit of bohemia! On my calendar I've got things written down that I have to go out of the house for. There's the Dentist, The Doctor, The supermarket and Jack's band practice!
JELLY FISH
One thing I hate more than TV is Jelly Fish! Don't get me wrong, they are beautiful creatures and they play an important part in the eco-system of the sea, don't they? Anyway, I don't like them 'cos I stood on one once and yes, they do sting! So, we managed to find the sofa underneath a pile of books and magazines and we sat down to watch the dreaded box! And, guess what? It was a documentary about Jelly Fish. Dirty big, massive flipping Killer Jelly Fish! One sting and you're brown bread! No anti-dote, no second chance! So, the Japanese government had sent out some fishing boats to kill the killers before the killers could kill them. We sat, watching the wholesale slaughter of thousands of these poor creatures .
MASSACRE
First off, they trawled the Jelly Fish in big nets from two fishing boats. Then they pulled the nets to the surface of the water between the two boats and then the fishermen leant over the side and hit the Jellies with sharp rakes and hooks till they died. The idea was to wipe out the Killer Jelly Fish population - but the plan backfired! You see what actually happened was that after so many Jellies dieing, nature took over and instead of each Jelly Fish laying say 100 eggs. Now each one was laying 1,000 eggs to re-populate the waters. If Jellies can do that, what about Cod? Or any other fish, or living creature for that matter! Just a thought..
BARNSLEY
I suppose that everybody knows by now that the best team in England, Arsenal (at present) were hammered by Uni-ted in the FA Cup at Gold Trafford the other day. Everybody also, probably knows that my team Manchester City annihilated Uni-ted in the Premiership 2-1 at the same venue, not only that, but City have got the double over Uni-ted as they also beat them earlier in the season at Eastlands. So, that must make City the best team in the land. But, where does that leave Barnsley? I hear you scream! Barnsley having knocked Liverpool out of the FA Cup 2-1 at Anfield last week could well be named the best team in Europe, if Liverpool go on to win the European Cup! Barnsley? The little Tykes!

Here we go again!

MANCHESTER UNDERGROUND
It was reported today that the Department of Transport had admitted that a tunnel linking Manchester's Piccadilly and Victoria railway stations was one possibility being considered. I remember similar plans in the 1970's that came to nothing and the reason then will be the same reason why they won't come to fruition now. You can sum the whole thing up in one word COST! It would simply cost too much. In 1970 the cost would have been five million pounds, which was much too expensive then. Today it would cost five hundred million pounds, which would be much too expensive now. There are a number of alternatives to the Picc-Vic link and if you scrawl through the archives of this blog you'll come across some of them.
PICCADILLY TOWER (S)
I intended to tell you about the Piccadilly tower a couple of weeks ago, as work has recently started on what will become Manchester's tallest building. I am, however, more exited about another tower in Piccadilly which has not been started as yet. I am of course talking about the site of the former Aytoun Street Unemployment exchange building which has been empty for several years now. I heard/read that the building, which is still standing (just about) has been sold for five million quid to a developer who is going to demolish it and build a sixty storey tower. I'm interested in this project because of the location. The site is bordered by The Rochdale Canal, Aytoun Street tramway and I think it's Roby street where the Waldorf Hotel is, anyway it'll be a tight squeeze!
GOLD TRAFFORD
I see that the sun shone for the Manchester Derby this weekend, in fact the weather here was better than Rome or Athens. It was a sad affair, it being the fiftieth aniversary of the Munich Air disaster in which so many young players lost their lives. I am talking about football, in case you hadn't realised. I don't want to say too much about this fixture apart from Nice one Sven! Oh yeah, my team Man City beat Uni-ted 2-1 there were seventy six thousand people in the ground including the British Prime Minister, the Irish Premier, the ex president of Thailand and the King of Sweden and everybodys favorite ex Uni-ted and England player Sir Bobby Charlton who of course was a surviver of the Munich air crash.
DEANSGATE MANHATTEN
There was a tacky picture in the local newspaper the other day of a dozen or so high rise towers clustered around the Beetham/Hilton Hotel skyscraper at the Castlefield end of Manchester's Deansgate. The report said, and I paraphrase here, that this artist's impression of a Manhatten like skyline could be on the drawing board for Manchester. Really? I for one wasn't taken by the design of these mediocre boxes. If we're talking Manhatten, what about some of those iconic buildings like the Flat Iron and the Chrysler building? We really don't need another local authority style tower block in Manchester. Do we?
CHINATOWN!
As I already mentioned above, 76,000 people turned out for the Uni-ted v City match on Sunday and at the same time a couple of miles up the road in Manchester's Chinatown another 60,000 people spilled out onto the streets to celebrate the Chinese New Year. We went down to George street and Faulkner street in Chinatown and had a look at the Chinese arch, I've seen it many times before over the years but this time I took a really good look at it. When it was first built it was one of only two authentic Chinese arches in the western world, the other one being in San Fransisco. The red paint on the arch is reputed to be made from pigs blood. And two or three years ago the arch was restored at a cost of £300,000.
ONLINE NOVEL
Okay, I'm sorry, I apologise to all of those nice, nice people who have paid a visit to my Online Novel Space Invaders! For one reason or another I haven't been able to do very much work on the project so far. However, this is going to change. I really really want to write this novel/novella call it what you will and I want to do it Online, for you, with you, if you like. Comments, advice critique etc. are all welcomed and any comments on the blog version of Space Invaders! may very well end up in the final publication! So, what are you waiting for? Me? Duh!
FINALLY
Don't forget you can visit my really bad pub-poetry blog at: SweetTalkingGuy...
The February Issue of Nicola's Newsletter Raw Meat is now Online at: www.rawprintz.blogspot.com

Super What?

SUPER TUESDAY
Welcome back to Proper Joe's blog the home of Inland Driftwood (how green's that?). Anyway, it's Tuesday and it's update time on this page so here we go...
In the US they're branding today as Super Tuesday as so many Americans go to the polling stations to choose a candidate for Presidential nomination. Here (in England) it's plain and simple Shrove Tuesday, better known as Pancake day.
PANCAKE TUESDAY
Don't you just lurve pancakes, we do, and we've been making them and eating them all day! We started off this morning with some sweet American style pancakes served with maple syrup and soon graduated onto fruit pancakes, Welsh drop-scones and sticky Scotch pancakes. For lunch we made cheese and lime gallettes followed by Gran Marnier crepes with Chantilly cream. This evening we made a special thick batter with four different types of flour and cooked it in a large tortilla pan, when both sides were set we transfered the pancake onto a round pizza tray, coated the base with a home-made tomato sauce and sprinkled grated cheese and mushrooms on top and bunged it into a pre-heated oven for a few minutes before serving with a green mixed leaf salad. Delicious!
ZIGGY BIKE
I was going to mention the new towers that are being built as I type and tell you about the ones that escaped and the one that got refused planning permission but, I've been distracted by a picture of a Ziggy Bike. A Ziggy what? I can almost hear your thoughts! A Ziggy Bike! What's a Ziggy Bike when it's at home? Okay, good point. Ziggy is what Nicola calls her wheelchair and therefore a Ziggy Bike is pretty much the back end of a bike attached to a wheelchair, or a bike with the front wheel taken off and the front forks bolted to the back of a wheelchair or imagine an ice-cream bike without the freezer box and then put a wheelchair in its place! Phew! That's what a Ziggy Bike is.
WE WANT ONE!!!
Well, I'm only telling you all this because we want one. We've looked on the web and found a couple of likely candidates, the only stumbling block now is the big price. It's not that we can't raise the dosh, we probably can. Also, if I have to give up driving and everybody (well lots of people) is telling me that I should, for one reason or another, then three thousand pounds or so to purchase a Ziggy Bike doesn't seem very much. Until you look at one, that is. And then you realise how un-green it would be to pay so much for something that you could buy all the bits for for about 10% of the price. Don't you just hate all this Niche Market ripoffski . I do!

Jump the gun...

GLOBAL WHAT?
I was talking to Ruth today, she works with us, she's Nic's personal assistant, and she told me that the daffodils are already out in the local park. Now, I seem to remember that daffs don't usually show 'til St David's day. So, I looked out of Jack's window and Lo+Behold! We've got daffodils growing on our field. When I say field, I mean that bit of grass and twenty seven trees that have sprouted since my next door neighbours houses were demolished in 1999. I told Ruth and she said: "I told yer, it's global warming!"
Now if you'll believe that...
DINOSAUR
People think that I'm some sort of dinosaur because they think that I don't believe in dinosaurs. They think that I'm some kind of alien because they think that I don't believe in global warming.
Now, for the most part I let people think what they want to think and let them believe what they want to believe about me. But sometimes, I need to put the record straight or some of us are gonna be 'brown bread' and pushing up daisies along with the aforementioned daffs before anything is actually resolved. So, here we/I go, I do believe that dinosaurs and their ilk existed and roamed this earth way back before mankind came here.
HISTORY MUSEUMS
What I don't believe is that the dinosaur skeletons in the Natural History museum in this city of Manchester and/or at the other gaff in Kensington are real! They're not, they're just models and some of them look remarkably like the dinosaur models at the Crystal Palace site which were created by an artist before any actual dinosaur bones, let alone skeletons were ever found! Trust me, I've been to all of these places myself, on more than one occasion! In the Nat Hist Museum in London (Kensington) the dirty big massive dinosaur in the entrance hall actually has a plate on it that says:(I paraphrase) This is a model copied from the Chicago Mueseum! How much more proof do you people NEED!
CLIMATE CHANGE
Okay, I get the picture, I'm not a dinosaur. I believe you when you talk about climate change and global thingy. What I don't believe is that we can do anything about it. You see, these things happen in cycles and no matter how hard you peddle uphill against the wind you 'ain't gonna git' to the top that much faster! Now, you can't talk to people about these issues 'cos they've, for the most part, been brain washed to believe that it's all our fault that global whatd'yer call it, is happening. Who's manipulating who here? and why? Perhaps it's something to do with the feel good factor. If we recycle this and don't use that then maybe just maybe another generation of people can inherit the earth! If we keep on polluting the atmosphere like this we'll destroy the planet!
DREAM ON
Okay, of course it's good to be green, look at me, I cycle everywhere these days. Not only that, I recycle nearly everything I/we use in this house! I'm trying to cut my carbon footprint down and I won't be flying anywhere this year, unless I have to! Oh yeah, and I'd really like to grow all my own food and generate all my own electricity, make all my own clothes and shoes, hold up! scratch the clothes and shoes bit, that's taking the green machine a little bit too far. But, hold on a mo! There just might be someone that makes clothes and shoes that I can trade pizza's with. Did I say Pizza? I meant...
FLIPPIN' 'ECK...
So, what am I saying? Quite simply that, yes we should be thinking green! There's nothing wrong with that, it makes for good housekeeping as far as I can see. However, don't think even for one moment that by being green that you're actually going to stop climate change. You're not! There's plenty of people out there that'll tell you different and governments and other powers that be are starting to see the potential of manipulation of the masses through such endeavours. But, it's the same old card that religions used to play it's called The Guilt Trip! Don't fall for it. It really isn't your fault!
LIGHTEN UP!
Yeah, forgive me, I get a bit heavy sometimes, I do need to lighten up a little. I was going to have a rant about the buses and the bins but I think after the above half a dozen 'digs' I think I'll go onto something a little more positive.
TOWERS!
I've got this thing about towers, I just love finding new towers when I'm out and about in the city. When I say new, I mean of course new to me, as most of the ones that I really like are a century or more in age. What I really, really like are what I call Venetian Towers, they aren't strictly Venetian, I guess, but I perhaps like to think of them in this way. Especially the towers that you find alongside the numerous canals in Manchester.
SALFORD QUAYS
I was over at Salford Quays at the old number nine dock on the Manchester Ship canal the other day and guess what? They're building towers there, this time for the BBC who are creating a media city on the banks of the MSC. But the tower that caught my eye was just a little further upstream near Mode Wheel lock. I think it may be a water tower or some kind of pump house, I'll have to go back on the bike and take a better look.
BEYOND THE BLOG!
I've just found a great blog called Beyond The Blog! It's run by a guy called Anthony North and the hit counter reads 182,000 + hits. I'm telling you about it (yes, all six of you!) because I want to reccomend it to you! I can't tell you too much about the site because I haven't been able to spend much time there yet but I can say that Anthony really does have something to say. http://www.beyondtheblog.wordpress.com/

The time is the place...

WRITING
Yeah, I've been blogging on about writing an Online Novel recently and if you check my NEW BLOG Space Invaders you'll see that I've made one posting... It's not actually the novel, it's er... well, it's just the Introduction.
RESEARCH
The thing about writing anything is research. In my case I thought that writing this novel would be a piece of cake, a walk in the park, a proverbial kick-about. However, that was before I decided to do some last minute research. Now, I don't know if I've got enough to say, I don't know which is the best way to write the thing up, I don't know if I am even capable of completing the task. On the other hand if you look at it slightly differently and say that research is a form of procrastination, then you can snap out of the mild depression that was attempting to envelope you and just get on with the job! Phew! How's that for Kidology?
COMMENTS
One of the things I really need on Space Invaders is comments. The other thing is regular readers. If you have the time... Any time at all to visit my New Blog, I have the place... in fact you can clink-the-link from here >> http://www.my-work-in-progress-novel.blogspot.com/ When you visit you can bookmark the page on your browser and return anytime you like. But, please leave a comment to let me know who you are and what you think. Thanks!
WHAT ELSE?
There must be other things going on in the world apart from my internal world. I can't think of much that is happening in Manchester apart from a little flooding on the banks of The Irwell and The Mersey. We were only talking about going to The Pump House (Peoples History Museum) this morning and taking a little stroll along the bit of accessible bank on The Irwell, until we heard the news that it was flooded. Such is life...
MORE NEXT TUESDAY

HERE WE GO...

WORK-IN-PROGRESS-NOVEL
Well, this is it. This is the start of something new. I have writen a whopping great thirty seven words of my novel Space Invaders. The question of how to present this work to the world remains. The problem with any work of fiction must be that it takes more than one attempt to get it right. So, what do I do? Do I post my stumbling thirty seven words for all and sundry to criticise or do I wait 'til I have a polished piece to display. If I only post perfected work, surely it won't be/can't be classed as work-in-progres, can it?
TALKING BOOK?
Already I can see that I'm spending more time talking about this project than actually working on it. A little like some of the young bands that hang out in this part of Bohemia - they never seem to practice - but they love dressing up and telling everybody that they're in a band! Heaven forbid that Space Invaders would go the same way.

SPACE INVADERS...

COMING SOON
SPACE INVADERS

NEW FOR 2008
Things have to change, not just this blog or that bloke in the pub or the nice lady on the check-out at Yasda! But things in general, seasons in particular and okay, I'm beating about the bush this blog!
SPACE INVADERS
Everyboddie's heard of Space Invaders the old arcade game but not very many people know that I wrote a play at Withington Library in Manchester in 1984 with the same name. One person who did know about my play was the receptionist at the BBC who was a young girl herself at the time. I hasten to add that she is now a housebound wife and washing maniac of a certain Surrey village. She is a grand-mother of four young toddlers and I wish her well in her old age. She kept my play for six months and didn't show it to the powers that be. She did tell me that it was so badly written that she feared that she would be sacked for submitting it. I think that if I were her I would have rather been sacked from the Beeb than end up as a housebound washing maniac in bloody Banstead! But that's me...
BOHEMIAN WHAT?
The thing about living in this little bit of Bohemia is that everyone you meet is more creative than you. Nicola has already written half a dozen novels and a shed full of plays and short stories and has just about completed at least the first draft of the first book in the trilogy she's writing. You can read Nicola's Newsletter Raw Meat, Online at: www.rawprintz.blogspot.com You can also check out her novels and other works at: www.nicolabatty.co.uk Then of course there's Jack he's a drummer in a band and together with his friend Johanan he's creating a series of comic books. Tonight, he was showing me some futuristic hieroglyphics that he was ageing with a lighter and a teabag. And they live in the same house as me.
THE NOVEL
So, 2008 and all that, I thought I'd do the decent thing and write a novel myself. Of course I'm going to cheat, you won't catch me burning the midnight oil writing and re writing draft after draft of some boring old ego-centric piece of prose. (maybe that's a bit strong!) Anyway, like I said I'm going to cheat and use my unpublished play script Space Invaders (thanks to Shirley from bloody Banstead!) from 1984 as the gist of the story. I must tell you that I have started and abandoned novels on several occasions in the past so don't get too exited just yet. Phew! Well, I know that most times out of ten books get turned into scripts but there are precedents where it has happened the other way round. Look at Peter Pan!

'Tis the season to be jolly!

JOLLY LOLLY
The Christmas traders are out in force as usual and taking lots of dosh! Why wouldn't they, though? With all that pester power and peer pressure about! We went shopping in Manchester Arndale Centre at the weekend and it was packed. The streets outside were just as busy and the continental markets were doing a roaring trade. The thing I don't like about this time of year is the cold weather - I suppose that's why there are so many seasonal festivities - people perhaps thought them up in times of old to take their minds off the weather.
BELLS + HOLLY
We haven't started to put up any crimbo stuff yet, we've not bought a tree this year 'cos last Christmas we purchased one with living roots and planted it in the front garden and guess what? Surprise, surprise! It's still alive and its grown a few inches and filled out a bit too. So, in a couple of days I'm going to take my spade and dig it up!
COLD TURKEY
One of the girls who works for Nic is a Vegan and it's often difficult for her to go out to eat as there always seems to be some dairy product or some little meat or fish thing that people offer her. So, I was quite pleased to find out that Uncle Joe's Mint Balls (made in Wigan) are suitable not only for vegetarians but also for Vegans.
Anyway, she asked what we were going to have for Christmas dinner.
And I replied Cold Turkey!
Does it make any difference if it's hot or cold she asked.
Well yes, I answered, It all depends on what you believe.
PESCATARIAN
Of course, I'm virtually a vegan myself - I tell a lie, I'm nearly a vegetarian! It's true, I eat my five lumps of fruit and veg every day and swig four pints of water. I am partial to a nice piece of fish though and the odd bit of chicken or cold turkey, organic, of course! And that's what I mean when I say it depends on what you believe. You see, if I really was a vegetarian, I wouldn't eat fish or meat - I wouldn't eat anything with a face! I wouldn't want to be a pescatarian or an organicarian - I would go the whole hog (pun intended) and grow my own f+g!
SLOGAN!
Of course, I would need a slogan to make me feel special, something like One mans rust is another mans riches. Perhaps, although I think that is probably just a paraphrase of another earlier saying. However, after the manner of that, I could say: One mans meat is another mass murder! It makes you think, doesn't it? Errm, and it is about time to write down my New Years Resolutions! Excuse me a mo, I'm on the dog 'n bone, "Is that the Butcher's???
EDIBLE UNDIES
Edible underwear has been around for quite a while now, not as long as edible hats but that's a different story.
Edible undies? What a horrible thought! But what a great idea!
Edible Jo Grundy's?
No! I'm talking recycling here.
Hold on a bit, eating your undies, skid marks and all, is recycling! Isn't it?
Okay, I suppose so, but when I say recycling I mean RECYCLING! with a capital E!
Capital E? Don't you mean...
Let me explain! I believe that ALL RETAIL PACKAGING should be EDIBLE!
Is that possible?
Of course it is! They make edible undies, don't they?
FINALLY
DON'T YOU KNOW!
You can read my really bad pub-poetry blog SweetTalkingGuy.. clink-the-link-HERE.
Have a wonderful Christmas and New Year!

Way to go...

CHRISTMAS
The usual madness is well underway as we find ourselves in the retailers heaven known as Christmas. The supermarkets are packed at all hours of the day and much of the night too from what I hear. The panic buyers are out in force and the pester power of their offspring is creating a demand for the latest electronic wizardry.
DRIVING
Driving is a nightmare at times too. On Sunday we went to Liverpool, Nic and her Mum and Nic's Brother Steve went to see Echo and The Bunnymen and Jack and I went to the flicks to see Hitman. The Hitman must have killed about 200 people and walked away without a scratch. The stuff of dreams, the essence of movies, pure escapism.
NIC'S WEBPAGE
I clicked over to Nic's webpage earlier and she has had it decorated for Christmas. If you would like to see the holly you can clink-the-link-HERE. What happened to the mistletoe I ask you?
KEEP IT SWEET
You can visit my really bad pub-poetry page www.sewina.blogspot.com but please leave a comment to say how bad you thought it was. Of course if you want some really really bad and I mean veally veally bad poetry, as the Monty Python people might say, you can come over to Wigan on Thursday night to the Crimbo Slam where I'll be performing! It's at the Tudor House Hotel in the town centre and it kicks off at 8pm. Full gig details from www.writeoutloud.net
WRAP IT UP!
No, not the Christmas pressies, the blog for this week!
However, before I go I must tell you that the December Issue of Nicola Batty's Newsletter Raw Meat is now Online at: www.rawprintz.blogspot.com
Oh yes, and you can clink-the-links in my sidebar to some of my favorite places on the web! More next week...

All in a days work...

WHAT'S NEW?
They say that there's nothing new under the sun - and 'they' may well be right. I've been waiting for the leaves to fall off all the trees in my extended back garden so that I can see the Tower at the end of Deansgate, which is about a mile away from this keyboard. Today, I was finally rewarded, for the first time this winter I can actually see the darn thing. I checked this blog to find out what date the same thing happened last year and found that we're about three weeks late this time. Global warming? Perhaps!
NOTHING'S CHANGED
In fact, so little has changed since this time last year, as far as unresolved issues go, that I think I will actually re-post two or three of my little bits an' pieces today, rather than try and rework the same old points of view.
First posted on Saturday November 18 2006
Scraping Skies...
THE BEETHAM TOWER.
I looked out of Jack's bedroom window today and I saw the Beetham Tower. Nothing unusual in that, if you know Manchester, you'll know that you can see this sky scraper from more places than you can't. The reason I mention it is because, only yesterday I couldn't see it at all. I looked for it yesterday and the day before that, but it wasn't there. You see, it was there really, I just couldn't see it because of the leaves on the trees. However, the last few days have been quite windy and cold at times and enough of the autumn gold things have dropped off the trees to allow me to see the Beetham Tower.
HILTON HOTEL.
The bottom half of the Beetham Tower is a hotel. And on the twenty third floor, which is sort of halfway up the building, there is a panoramic viewing room. Jack was telling me that when he went to the cinema across the street, in the old Great Nothern Warehouse, he could see a queue of people waiting to be admitted to the Hilton Hotel. How mad is that?Although, I do know that the view is pretty good from up there, because I used to live on the sixteenth floor of a tower a mile or so away in Salford. From my kitchen window, in those days, I could see the Runcorn Bridge, which is thirty five miles up the Manchester Ship Canal. Heady days!
THE PENTHOUSE.
Before I go, I must mention the Penthouse apartment, or whole top floor, I believe in the case of The Beetham Tower, which is occupied by the architect who designed the building. I've read that it's worth in excess of £3,000,000 (yes, that's Three Million British Pounds!) and that he has imported an olive grove of three hundred year old olive trees from Italy and has replanted them in a giant conservatory on the roof of the tower, five hundred and sixty one feet above the Deansgate pavement. The highest residential accomodation in Britain? Go on Tarzan, eat your heart out!
First posted on Thursday, November 09, 2006
MCFC...
MCFCUK OK, JOE?
I got a bit of stick on a couple of web sites for saying that it was too expensive to go to see City at the new stadium.
I wasn't having a go at City or at City fans and supporters.
Firstly, I am and always will be a City fan.
I may not find myself in a position where I am able to find the money or the time to visit the stadium, so I guess whoever it was that called me an armchair supporter, was right.
I support arm chairs, in fact I wouldn't sit on anything else.
Secondly, because I don't go to the match these days, I can't call my self a City supporter, because I don't support them financially.
I was a season ticket holder for many years at Maine Road.
I stopped going after they made it compulsory to sit down.
The last song I sang at Maine Road was 'You'll never seat the Kippax!'
Yes, my daft poetry blog StraightTalkingStreetTalkingSweet... is at: www.mcfcuk.blogspot.com
First posted on Sunday, November 19, 2006
What really annoys me #2...
BUS DEREGULATION.
As previously promised, I was going to have a moan about bus deregulation, but everybody else seems to have jumped on the bandwagon and put their twopunnce worth in first. So, just to put the record straight I'm going to reprint a little thing I wrote on the subject in 1991 in my publication W N Funzine.
WN FUNZINE.
Hi, I'd just like to get a few things off my chest about the 2/8 (two and eight, rhymes with state) of public transport in this country.
Firstly, it is painfully obvious that 'deregulation' didn't work.
Secondly, the 'mini-bus' psychology of certain operators is a retrograde step.
A) Because it makes our streets reminiscent of a Banana Republic.
B) Most of the so called drivers are madmen.
C) These buses don't appear to run to a timetable.
D) They don't go where you want them to.
E) They are uncomfortable.
F) They are difficult to get on and off, with shopping etc.
G) They are driven much too fast.
H) They are reknowned for 'sailing' past bus stops.
I) They always seem to charge different fares.
J) Only the driver is allowed to smoke.
In closing I might add that ALL Third World economies are mini-bus MAD!
MORE ABOUT BUSES.
Of course there remains a lot left to be said about the state of the nations buses. In Manchester we seem to have reached crisis point. There are two or three big operators and a few other players. Nothing's changed since I wrote the above piece apart from the fact that a lot of the smaller operators have folded. At one time we had the crazy situation of having over seventy bus companies competing for business on our city streets. Now we are back to the near monopoly situation, with private companies in the driving seat (no pun intended) instead of the local councils. Anyway, I'm going to stick a couple of rhymes, on my daft poetry blog, that deal with the bus issue. The first one Buses was also written in 1991.
The second one Bus Degradation was a little later, I think 1992.
Anyhow, to check them out, you can clink the link marked My Poetry.
Or go to McFcuk.blogspot.com or clink on My Poetry Archive in the right hand column of this blog. Better still you can clink this permalink straight to the relevant page. http://mcfcuk.blogspot.com/2006/11/bus-deregulation.html
FINALLY
I must tell you that I'll be performing at The Wigan Christmas Poetry Slam at The Tudor House Hotel in the centre of Wigan by the bus station and a few mins walk from the main line railways. It's at 8pm and it's FREE admission. So, if you're not too square - I'll see you there!
Had enough of this nonsense?
Want to read a proper blog?
clink-the-link-to-Raw Meat..

The New Mode...

RECYCLING
Recycling is the big thing these days and so many people get so mad about the stupidest issues that sometimes you wonder if it's all worthwhile. Take the supermarket collection points for instance, they have these massive big skips for putting different materials in which in theory is good. However, in practice it is all such a pointless exercise - you see, you save up all those juice and milk cartons and dutifully take them round to the collection point and then you find that you have to post each carton individually, through a mail slot size opening! How mad is that?
MAD MAD WORLD
Last week I had a bit of a mad rant about the state of the traffic coming into Manchester in the morning rush hour and a nice person in India sent me a picture of a real traffic jam! You can check it out by clinking the link in last weeks comments. On my Grande Tour of the web earlier in the year I came across a site called Car Free Tokyo! I seem to remember that I read on his blog that although there is massive congestion/pollution etc. in Tokyo only a small percentage of commuters actually drive. Maybe you should check this out for yourself I'll put the link HERE.
There are some great stories and pictures on this site, including one of a Chinese bicycle wedding!
2nd PLACE
I told you about the lyrics competition and that I got 2nd place - the winner was Moxy Casimir who wrote a wonderful song Raspberry Space Cadet Cap that was 'out of this world' it had ufo references in it and everything - a very well crafted piece and a worthy winner - congratulations to Moxy! You can check her out at http://www.writeoutloud.net/ which is a great site for performance poets - you can put your own profile on their showcase if you like!
Well, getting back to the new mode and 2nd place I will now post my lyrics :

THE SUGAR SHAKE BEAT
You can do The Sugar Shake Beat.
When you kiss my lips, sweet sweet.
You can shake your hips – like this…
When you’re dancing down the street
To the Sugar Beet Suite, that’s bliss,
Sublime, sweetness – little sweet Miss.
Yeah, that’s neat! Up outta yer seat!
Now you can do, The Sugar Shake Beat!

Go do The Sugar Shake Beat
Down at - The Sugar Beet Suite.
Yeah, you can dance, that’s neat,
Go do The Sugar Shake Beat.

If you wanna look cool, sweet chic.
Make me look a fool, sweet sweet.
You can shake your hips – like this…
This time really move your feet
At the Sugar Beet Suite, sweet bliss,
Red wine, sweet lips - little sweet Miss.
Hey, that’s cool! Who you gonna meet?
That’s what I call, The Sugar Shake Beat!

Chorus

The Stones were rolling out the beat.
Made Brown Sugar neat, sweet sweet.
You can shake your hips – like this…
When you’re groovin’ to the beat
Down The Sugar Beet Suite, sweet bliss,
One step, two feet. Little sweet Miss.
You’re really dancing at the Suite!
All stand up for, The Sugar Shake Beat!
Danny Wise DW161007

FINALLY
Don't forget you can visit my really bad pub-poetry page SweetTalkingGuy... clink-the-link

Out and About...

DRIVING
I used to love driving but these days it can be so depressing. Everybody is in so much of a hurry to reach their destination. But, you know the worst thing I hate about driving in Manchester is that there are so many traffic jams that don't need to be traffic jams. What do I mean by this? Well, I've said it before and the powers that be didn't listen to me then, however, I will let you know that a lot of the 'No Left Turn' signs need tearing down to allow the traffic to flow!
MANCUNIAN WAY
I had to drive home along the Mancunian Way in the rush hour this evening and I nearly couldn't get off at my exit - thankfully, the nice driver behind me let me into the exit lane so I could go down the ramp onto Cambridge Street. Which was really lucky 'cos the vehicles on the flyover had come to a complete standstill.
PHEW!
Enough of this madness, just thinking about driving around this city at certain times of the day is starting to hurt my head! If the local government wants to know how to solve the traffic problems in Manchester all they need do is ask me. I'm not saying I have all the answers but there are some very simple cost effective measures that have been seriously overlooked.
OFF THE RAILS
The other pet-hate of mine is the amount of dis-used and dis-mantled railway lines in Manchester. I have written at length on this subject in the past, again my opinions fall on deaf ears. Today, I've been in Eccles, in Salford, in Newton Heath and in Ancoats and all the driving between. In all of these places there are amazing railway links under-used, dis-used or dis-mantled. What is going on? If, the powers that be can't afford to replace the track and the stations and invest in the trains, then surely they can tarmac over the former railways and run buses!
DEDICATED BUSWAYS!
With all the private investment from firms like Stagecoach they could make it part of the contract to run X amount of services on these Dedicated Busways! The successful routes could then be upgraded to Metrolink or Rail although, I think that with a few bendy buses on these forgotten routes the operators would be reluctant to let them go. Imagine, travelling from Eccles to the city centre on a bendy bus in the rush hour along a Dedicated Busway - how long would that take? About ten minutes! How long does it take now? Well, it takes about twenty minutes to clear Eccles, then you have to negotiate the Salford traffic, then you need to join the lengthy queues of traffic coming off the M602 then...
METROLINK
Okay, what about the Metrolink? Well, now you're talking, the tramway was built following the line of the pre-existing railway track, about fifty yards to the right of it, if you're coming out of Eccles. Let me explain it the way I see it - Coming out of Eccles towards Manchester city centre there are two big A roads, Eccles Old Road and Eccles New Road. One Urban Motorway (M602) A railway line (under-used) which runs alongside the Motorway. And the Metrolink which shares space on Eccles New Road for part of its route, and also runs parallel with the pre-existing railway track and the motorway and Eccles Old Road.
OTHER ROUTES
Well, now that you mention it there are a couple of other alternatives. You see, also running parallel to the five above mentioned conventional routes there are at least another three alternative routes you can take - two of which are definitely quicker than any of the available road, rail or tram routes. The easiest of these would be to cross over the Centenary bridge into Trafford Park and follow the city centre signs. Travelling this way in the morning rush hour we did it in under fifteen minutes from Eccles Library to the Hilton Beetham Tower on Deansgate. Of course if you want to be really radical and not even have to worry about a parking space then you could take a waterbus straight along The Manchester Ship Canal, which is probably the most direct route to central Manchester and these days definitely the least congested.
WHICH ROUTE?
So, which route should I take? Well, the Metrolink takes the longest time about ten to fifteen minutes longer than the bus and all the road routes are congested because they all lead to other traffic streams, for example Eccles Old Road runs into the A6 which is a very busy road in its own right, however, at this point it has just swallowed up all the traffic coming in from Liverpool off the A580 East Lancs Road and all the traffic exiting the M60 Manchester Orbital Motorway and all the traffic coming in from Preston, Blackpool and beyond off the M61 Motorway and all the traffic coming in from Bolton on the A666 (hell of a route!) So, I can't recommend Eccles Old Road!
NEW ROAD
Eccles New Road? No chance, because when you get to Trafford Road roundabout, you need to join Regent Road which is the dreaded A57 which is the link road through Salford from the M602 Motorway and it is mega busy at all times of the day. So, no I'm sorry I can't recommend Eccles New Road.
ANY SPARE RIBS?
Well, yes there are one or two Jibs you could try. When I lived at Fitzwarren, near Salford Precinct, I used to use Liverpool Street - that was a good Spare Rib in those days, it is still possible to go that way but the route runs out near Salford Rugby Club and you need to Jib over to Eccles New or Eccles Old Road to complete the journey. Of course heading for the city centre you would need to do this in reverse (not gear) if you get my drift. However, I must tell you that you need to really know where you're going when you reach the Oldfield Road area as there is so much new development there - you are likely to end up back on the A57 or the A6. - So, Jibbers only for the Spare Rib!
CONCLUSION
Hey, this is getting a bit MAD! So, to reach a speedy conclusion I will have to nominate the Trafford Park Route as the winner - But I must warn you that even this route can have serious tailbacks on the Bridgewater Way section of the A56 which you would use as the most direct link to the centre. Phew!

I can feel it in the wind...

OUT CANAL WALKING
You really don't want to be out canal walking at this time of year, not in Manchester anyway. For starters it's freezing cold then there's all the idiots who lay in wait for any opportunity to rob you. Yes, it's true, there are a small number of hoodlums who prey on those that walk the ancient banks of this city's canals.
LIGHTER NOTE
On a lighter note I was reading about some of the proposed re-development in the city centre. There was one article in the Manchester Evening News about the new design proposal for The Cheethams Hospital School, winning an award. Talk about a self congratulatory society - it hasn't even been granted planning permission yet!
BLOGGING
Don't you just love blogs and blogging? I do, although with the commitments I have here I have to limit myself to certain times on different days. What I try to do is to post something on each blog every tuesday - I don't always succeed but that's what I try to do!
WINTER
Don't you just hate winter? I do, mostly but I must admit I like some things like Christmas and New Year. I used to like bonfire night and building a big bonfire and all those fireworks especially the catherine wheels. However, since Jack decided that he didn't want any fireworks last year or to have or go to a bonfire, I kind of lost interest. Apart from making what had become our traditional November 5th. meal we didn't celebrate Guy Fawkes Night this year.
FOOD
Don't you just love cooking, don't you just love food? Don't you just love eating - when you're in the mood! I do, and we had hot dogs and bubble+squeak to eat and hot chocolate to drink and for pudding we had Parkin+chocolate custard! We also had treacle toffee and baked apples and oh yes! mustard and onions on the hot dogs. We didn't have any fireworks but Nic asked for a sparkler!
BLOGISPHERE
Don't you know that you can read my really bad poetry blog HERE!!!
Anyhow, thanks for visiting Proper Joe's - guess what? I'm going out to fish-in some Inland Driftwood tonight from one of the good people on Manchester Freecycle.
MORE NEXT TUESDAY!
%%% *** +++ £££ $$$

Proper Joe's

INLAND DRIFTWOOD
I'll be saying a thing or two when I get back later tonight!
Get back?
Yeah, that's right I'm off to collect my prize!
Prize! what prize?
Didn't I say? I've won a prize for writing song lyrics!
First prize? you?
Well I don't know if it's the first prize or the tenth prize,
it may well be the booby prize - anyway, I'll tell you all about it later!
THE PHOENIX
Okay, I'm back! I got 2nd place and a parking ticket! But, we had a good night! Nicola went with me to the Phoenix Theatre in Bolton and a whole set of singer/songwriters strutted their stuff. I think my favorite was... hell! I loved them all!
LIVERPOOL
We were over in Liverpool today to see Nic's Homeopathy lady, Ruth went in with Nic while I went to the Tesco store next door. I was talking to the nice lady on the chocolate counter about this new wonder chocolate that makes you lose weight -
Something to do with the anti-oxidents - she told me.
'Go on then,' I said. 'I'll give it a try!'
Oh, we don't sell it! The nice lady replied.
'Well where do I get it from then?' I asked.
You have to go to the health and beauty counter. She whispered.
'Right, thank-you!' I mouthed and headed for the car park.

Gone fishing...

NORFOLK
Hi, it's been one of those very long days. I drove across to Norfolk this morning to pick Nic up from the crazy place she's been staying. Now, Norfolk is one of those strange places to get to. First of all there is no direct route - No motorway that runs from Manchester to Norwich - in short there's no easy way to get there. When I took her over last week, I drove via Chesterfield, Newark (half way) and Sleaford. The problem was that to get to the first stage (Chesterfield) I had to negotiate horrendous roadworks near New Mills and the punitive road calming measures on the A6 through Stockport. Which when added together made the forty one mile journey to the town with the twisted spire take a whooping two and a half hours. Last October I made the same trip all the way to Swaffam Norfolk in just over three hours. So, today I went a different route Via Sheffield, Worksop, Lincoln and Sleaford. It was a little quicker than last week but again hampered by mega roadworks, this time on the A1(M) also there's that stupid bottleneck at Hollingworth that could/should have been sorted out years ago. Anyway!

Haunted...

WRITERS ISLAND PROMPT
TO HAUNT YOU
chitchat – chew the fat
what went wrong at Chelsea?
‘cos they put six past you
now you really know Sven
what It’s like to be a blue
chitter-chatter–chew-chew
I hate to say I told you Sven
but I’ve seen it all before
years ago at Arsenal
we lost by the same score
chitter-chatter-chew-chew
you really need to buy new men
Sven spend spend
chitchat – chew the fat
I’m City ‘til I die! they cry
and to their dying day they’ll say
Sven spend spend
chitter-chatter–chew-chew
chitchat – chew the fat
no matter what you say or do
the blues will come back to haunt you!
WI04-301007

You can read my pub-poetry blog at: www.sewina.blogspot.com