Left on time
Snow time like wet feet
NO TIME LEFTWet feet like most wine
Felt no time
07012+10How to write a
NaiSaiKu..
First of all I must stress that
NaiSaiKu..is a
just for fun form of poetry.
It’s not meant to be taken seriously by real poets or by academics.
I started by writing a three-line poem with a strict syllable count.
I
didn’t know where to put the title so I tagged it on the end
making it into a four-line poem.
I then repeated the previous three lines in reverse order to give
me a seven-line poem of two stanzas linked by a central
TITLE.
Here’s an example:
Skating on the pond
If the ice cracks don’t go on
Hippopotamus
SKATING ON THE POND Hippopotamus
If the ice cracks don’t go on
Skating on the pond
I liked the way this looked with its capitalised
TITLE and where possible
I also coloured this in blue. If you look at the above example you’ll
notice that the title is the first and last line repeated.
The strict syllable count here is 5-7-5 plus of course 5 for the
TITLE.
Giving a total count of 39 syllables. However, this was only the beginning…
Next I looked at different ways of building a
NaiSaiKu..the following example shows how you can use 41 syllables by making the
second and sixth lines read the same as the
TITLE.
Here’s an example:
This is a sandwich
I am the meat and two veg
I'm a slice of bread
I AM THE MEAT AND TWO VEGI'm a slice of bread
I am the meat and two veg
This is a sandwich
Now if the aim of
NaiSaiKu.. was to keep to a strict syllable count and
to impose an immovable discipline, then the above form would be the one I would choose because it can be read in so many ways. It’s no longer just two stanzas
with a daft central
TITLE it can now be read as three separate Haiku or Senryu
the first three lines, the middle three, and the last three. Phew!
So, if I could move the title from the first line to the second line and increase the
syllable count why couldn’t I use the third line as the
TITLE and decrease
the syllable count again? Of course that’s exactly what I did next!
Here’s an example:
You tell them three times
Then they think that they told you
Who the hell yell you
WHO THE HELL YELL YOUWho the hell yell you
Then they think that they told you
You tell them three times
I like the way this reads, it’s a good form if you really want to shout something out!
You may have noticed that the titles are colour coded.
I use
blue for the first style
red for the 41 syllable form and
pink for the
central repetition of lines 3 and 5.
For a more modern approach I highlight the
TITLE in green.
So far we’ve only looked at strict form or restricted poetry as some people may call it.
I set my work out in this way because I was comfortable with a strict 5 – 7 – 5 syllable old English Haiku style and I found it worked well for me.
Because
NaiSaiKu.. is
just a bit of fun!I have made no attempt to enter into or emulate the spirit
of either traditional or modern Haiku of which there are
many excellent examples available on the World Wide Web.
Finally you can create your own
NaiSaiKu..in a modern style without any syllable restriction if you like,
or you can try a 3 – 5 – 3 or a 2 – 3 – 2 or a short – long – short or a
der – der – der or a singing – rhyming – chiming one
if the mood or your muse takes you there.
Here’s an example of the 2 – 3 – 2 syllable form:
Spring dawn
Cats come home
First light
SPRING DAWN First light
Cats come home
Spring dawn
Or for a really neat look you could build it like this:
Spring dawn
Cats come home
FIRST LIGHTCats come home
Spring dawn
And a rhyming example:
Hippopotawot
Hippopotawotamus
Hippopotamus
HIPPOPOTAWOTHippopotamus
Hippopotawotamus
Hippopotawot
Or this way:
Hippopotamus
Hippopotawotamus
HIPPOPOTAWOTHippopotawotamus
Hippopotamus
Finally finally, you can of course convert an existing
Haiku into a
NaisaiKu.. if you really want to.
Here's the trick - You take a well written modern Haiku like the 2-3-2 below:
Dry slopes
on the piste
wet snow
Then you add the
TITLE:
Dry slopes
on the piste
wet snow
ON THE PISTEThen you add the second stanza which is a reverse of the first,
and hey presto you have just built a NaiSaiKu..
Dry slopes
on the piste
wet snow
ON THE PISTE
wet snow
on the piste
dry slopes
But 'old on a mo', we ain't finished yet 'cos now we're gonna go full circle
and reveal the Emperor's new clothes:
Dry slopes on the piste
wet snow on the piste wet snow
on the piste dry slopes
Remember that if you use somebody else’s work
you will usually need their written permission before you can publish it or post it Online.
In conclusion, NaiSaiKu.. can rhyme or not rhyme, they can be built to a strict syllable
form or they can be free verse. I think that the only thing that actually sets them
apart or perhaps makes them unique is the fact that the TITLE is CAPITALISED
and is placed in the centre of the piece. Most of the examples we have looked at
have seven lines including the TITLE LINE but there's nothing to stop you
from experimenting with more lines or from adding puns and metaphor
or even from changing the order of the way the words go, like in this
example, from our Stan, at Elephant Small COST OF REVERSAL
which can be read back to front.
At the end of the day NaiSaiKu.. is Just a bit of fun! Andy Sewina
060209
If you would like to be part of the evolution of
NaiSaiKu..and write your own example.
Simply post it on your own blog or web site and leave a link in the comments box
on this post so we can all read your contribution.
Many thanks for reading this and if you do leave a link in the comments box
I'll add you to the Bloggage! unless you ask me not to... Phew!
And feel free to stick
The NaisaiKu Challenge? game on your blog roll too!
